*Sigh* I'm Scared to Leap

One would think with all of the big decisions I made this year I'd be fearless by now. Well, I'm not. I know what I want to do with my life once I finish school, but I have no idea what I want to do in the meantime. I have so many ideas and so much on my plate. But, I really just don't know. I want to finish my novels, I want to start my own business, I want to just lay on my ass. The only thing I do know is that I never want to work for the man again. Ever. Unless its on my own terms in which I'm free to tell them to kiss the fattest part of my ass anytime I chose or deem necessary.

I have so many ideas, but I'm scared to take a leap and just grab one. *sigh* I feel like I just want to do so much. And that I'm being unrealistic. *sigh* I've got to figure it out.

On My Way Back to Fat Assness

Seriously, my ass is getting fat. And, yes I really am talking about my ass. Ack! I worked so hard in 2009 and maintaining the weight loss in 2010 to having a fat ass again. Okay, let me be honest. I lost most of my weight this year because of stress and grief. So it kind of doesn't count. Really though, it's not my fault. I blame Nabisco for making chocolate covered Ritz cracker and the brown sugar ones...Mmm...that taste so good crushed over vanilla ice cream. And those guys at Ben and Jerry's are to blame too. Cherry Garcia ice cream is just deliciousness in a carton. And damn you Kroger's for always having it on sale. And that damn good red beans and rice recipe. How is a girl supposed to survive all the temptation?! It's everywhere! HELP!!!

So who can I call to help me get my shit together and get rid of this fat ass? It's a kick, it's a punch, it's a "dig deep". It's Billy Blanks!!! My tried and true homeboy that helps me get it together. And, my kickboxing bag. Yeah, that's who I need to call. I gotta keep it together. I have three kids who are all boys. They are super active and expect me to keep up with them. So I gotta do what I gotta do. Texas is so freaking unpredictable with the weather so it's hard to just be spontaneous and go to the park. But there is tons of stuff I can do in the house. So I'm going to get on it.

Makita, are you doing this because it's the New Year and everybody and their grandmama likes to lose weight after the holidays? Nope. I've never been into doing that or any kind of resolution. I just need to get it together for me and for my boys. I was doing so well too. But then crap just kept happening and things just started weighing down on me. But I got this. I will not be defeated by fat assness again. Nope.

It's a Wonderful Life

No, I'm not talking about the movie. Which, I actually can't stand. What? Wait? Did she really just say she doesn't like It's a Wonderful Life?! That's absurd! Well, it's true. I also hate The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music, and a bunch of other movies. But that's neither here nor there. You can rip me a new one later about that, lol. This is about my life...well, the lives of my boys and myself. And, indeed it is a wonderful life.

We had a great Christmas. The boys are now with their grandparents for the next week. But you know, it's not just Christmas that makes my life with them wonderful. It just is. I spent a lot of time crying, hurting, pissed the fuck off this year. I lost a lot this year. And I spent entirely too much time focused on that. I spent so much time focused on what and who I lost that I didn't fully recognize what I gained. I've said it before and I still mean it. 2010 sucked monkey balls. But, I also failed to realize or at least acknowledge that it was great too.

In hindsight, although it still hurts very much, I am thankful for the year I've had. I broke down many times, but I always got back up. Sometimes I got back up with a limp, sometimes I could only get up on one leg. But, I got up. And at times, when I just couldn't do it, I had people there to help me rise. I lost one of the most important people in my life. The man who has always loved me unconditionally, even when I was in the wrong. My father. My world felt destroyed. And I still miss him so much and some days I have to force myself out of bed because the grief is so strong. He left me, but he didn't leave me alone. I have gained so many wonderful new family members through friendship. I have a support system that lifts me up when I am down, strengthens me when I feel weak, and guides me when I feel lost. My love for my boys carries me through. The love I receive from my support system and boys holds me up. And that is why my life is wonderful.

Hallelujah! It's a Chicken Miracle!

The child has given up the cereal! At least for tonight. For the past 2 or 3 weeks, all my youngest would eat was cereal. Fruit Loops, Kix, Trix, Cheerios, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, Raisin Bran (yeah, I was surprised at this one too), Cocoa Puffs, Fruity Pebbles, Honey Combs... Yes, we really went through all the cereals. And, yeah I know you're probably thinking "OMG, that's so much sugar!". Yep, deal with it! My kids hardly ever eat cereal, so it's never been an issue. We're a hot breakfast family. Ooh that reminds me of the wonderful gifts I received today. My Thursday morning sisters, a group of other women from all walks of life. We're a little family. So anyway, they really surprised me. I broke down in tears because they really are the best. The group gifted me with a crock pot, waffle maker (Belgian waffle maker), and a few gift cards. I truly feel blessed to have become apart of this amazing group of women. I love these ladies. So on Christmas morning, the boys and I will be enjoying chocolate chip Belgian waffles. YUM!!!! Their thoughtfulness will really help me carry through next semester. Especially, when I go back to working. And, their constant support (yep, they're all senior members of Team Makita) helps see me through. Which reminds me of yet another thing....I made the Dean's List this semester. Whoop whoop! I am so proud of myself. After almost 10 years, I can still kick ass.

So I am fully recovered...sort of...from the park adventure. And, I'm so ready to do it again. It's gotten cold again, so I don't know when we'll have a full on park day. But, I am ready for next time. I plan to buy a bike for myself and/or some skate so we can all ride bikes together. My friend Heather inspired me to bike ride with the boys. She's always posting about the cool stuff she does. She, like me, is also a mom of just boys. I love having 3 boys, although somewhere along the line I did think of having a little girl. But it's too late now for me to carry my old child, the shop is closed. But, I am totally open to adoption.

But, let me get to moving. I have a scarf to finish and The Other Guys to watch. I absolutely adore Mark Wahlberg...or as I still like to call him Marky Mark. I always wonder what happened to The Funky Bunch. LOL! The 90s...awesomeness.

I Am NOT a Little Kid Anymore

Apparently, I didn't know that. I just assumed my ass was still a kid. Well, it's not. While I was out there at the park yesterday with my boys, I had the GREATEST time ever!!! I was doing back flips, running, playing soccer, throwing the football around, etc. We had a blast. Made a whole day of it. It was 84 so we had a picnic, ate ice cream, Patrick took a nap. It was awesome.

But now, my ass...actually, my back is paying for it. OUCH! Last night it was just a little crampy. Today, it hurts bad. I'm wondering if maybe I sprained it again. I sprained it in 2007 when I taught pole dancing lessons. POLE DANCING, not stripping lessons! It's actually a sport you know. But that's neither here nor there at this point. The point is my back hurts like a muthanucker.

So today, we are having a movie-thon. Starting with Ninja Turtles 1 all the way down to Ninja Turtles 3. Then Up, followed by Despicable Me. Normally, we do not sit in the house all day. There is always something to do. But today, I just can't do it. Sitting for long periods of time hurts. Standing for long periods of time hurts. I'm currently laying on my stomach in the downward dog position. And once Patrick takes a nap, I'm headed to go soak in my tub again. I don't have any pain killers in the house. Yeah, I don't know what the hell I've been thinking to not have some. But I am kicking myself for that now.

The moral of this story? I am NOT a little kid. But damn if I didn't have the best time ever with my boys!!! And I'd do it all over again...and most likely will. ;^)

Failure is STILL Not an Option

Today, final grades for Fall 2010 semester were published.

Public Speaking I: A
Business Computers Information Systems: A
US History I: A
American Government I: C

Whoop whoop!!! So proud of myself for finishing strong! Okay, well I'm not too excited about the C, but dammit I earned that C and I'm damn proud of it. This semester was quite an experience. I went through a LOT. The hardest thing was trying to balance being a single mom, working, and meeting my own personal needs. I don't have all of it down, but I've gotten a lot better.

I learned that cooking meals at the beginning of the week and labeling them saves time. I also learned that sometimes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some fruit is a sufficient meal. I learned its okay to let the house be dirty (well, not super dirty because the clean freak in me would have a seizure) during mid-terms and finals. It's also okay to play a little hooky to sleep and take your kids to the park. I learned that voice recorders are the difference between doing well and doing GREAT (thanks Jeff for schooling me). I also learned, maybe the most important lesson, its okay to cry when you're frustrated and need a break.

What a semester. I survived it. My boys survived it. I'm proud of me. My boys are proud of me. And Team Makita* is proud of me. Can't wait for Spring 2011 semester!



*Registration for Team Makita is still open. Requirements: being positive and helping her to shake them haters off

Outtakes From A Christmas Card

This week I tried to get the boys together so we could go take photos for our Christmas card. It just wasn't happening. I was tired. They were tired. I wanted a nap and a sandwich. They wanted to eat candy canes and watch a movie. So needless to say, taking them to the mall wouldn't have been a good idea. So what did I decide to do? Take pictures at home of course!

This year we have a super cool tree. Somehow all of ornaments got lost or thrown away, who knows/who cares. So I had to buy all new ones. The boys and I got super colorful and had a lot of fun picking out ornaments. Which turned out to be the perfect background for our photos. Here are some silly outtakes.

I really don't know how photographers (the good ones) actually do it. I was worn out just trying to prop my camera up against rolls of Charmin. Okay, I'm lying, it was really Scott's tissue. But does it really matter? They're both soft and get the job done. But back on topic. So since I don't have a tripod, (actually, I do. I was just too lazy to go into the garage and get it), I had to prop my camera up on the coffee table. Which needless to say, the boys thought it was hilarious. The hardest part was getting everyone to fit in the picture. Somehow, we all kept getting cut out of the photos.

And, then of course, getting people to SMILE was also a pain the ass. For some reason, Patrick was just like "F U Mom, I am NOT smiling". Calm down, he didn't actually say that. But that was the vibe I was getting, lol. So I just gave up on that because I'm not one of those people who just have to have a smiling kid in the picture. Shoot, just everybody knows how Patrick is. So to see him all googly eyed smiling would be a little out of character for him, lol.


Like I said, getting everyone in the picture was a huge problem. In most of the pictures, Patrick is David Ruffin and Cameron, Sean, and me are The Temptations. Or in modern times, we're Destiny's Child and Patrick is Beyonce, lol. And, yes, he was singing "jangle lells, jangle lells, jang jang jang" into the hairbrush.

So I ended up turning one of the toilet paper rolls on its side, and balancing it with two crayons (one in front and one behind it) and then setting a book on top of it to place the camera on. LOL! Who says the game Jenga doesn't teach you anything? There are a lot more photos, but I'm getting tired which is not a good thing cause I need to go buy birthday gifts for Cameron and do a bunch of other stuff I don't want to do like get my brakes fixed. So here's the super finale photo that I finally got that was a really good shot. Still don't know how professionals do it. Hats off to you.

2010 Has Sucked Monkey Balls

Yes, I do realize there are still X amount of days left. And, yes I did just put an "X" because I'm just too lazy to do the math right now, lol. But still, it has sucked monkey balls minus the good days like my boys' birthdays and the first day of school for me and them. So there have been so many shitty moments with some good days sprinkled in. I don't really want to get into all of it, but I am now a single mom still living in Texas. No, I'm not sorry for the divorce. I tried, he didn't. Now karma is smacking his ass around. (Thank you Karma)

So it's just me and the boys and we're okay. It's been a tough year. I lost my dad in Feb and I miss him so very much. I lost my home in March thanks to the damn guy we were renting from not paying his damn mortgage. Jerk. But thankfully, the bank worked with us and we didn't have to move until the school year ended. And, I almost lost Cameron over the summer. It has just been a really rough year. But, I'm resilient and I'm bouncing back. Even if I am a little more meaner. But, hey it's all about growth right?

So that's all the bad news. The good news? I went back to school this year. Yep, graduating May 2012 or if I'm really focused Dec 2011. Sweet. I am so very proud of myself. I'm kicking ass at school. I've also put myself on a plan to buy a home in 2013. So I have just about 2 years to start making stuff happen. I've resigned myself to pretty much staying here in Texas since I'm pretty much established. It's cool. Cause when the last one leaves the house, I'm going to be on the road traveling all the time. So I'll be here, unless some super fabulous job snatches me up and whisks me away. *crossed fingers* But the absolute best news of all is I still have my Cameron. I love all of my boys. They keep me grounded and they keep me lifted. The thought of losing Cameron this summer still breaks me down to my very core. I couldn't imagine my life without any one of my boys. But this summer I did have to imagine it and it was utterly painful and heart wrenching. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Thankfully, I don't have any enemies....wait, that's not true. But still, you get the idea.

So 2011 has to be much better, right? Cause if it's not, I'm just going to have to put on my big girl panties and steel toe boots and kick the shit out of it. ;^)

Thank Goodness My Tubes Are Tied

I'm serious! Maxwell is coming to town in seven days to come rescue me from my husband. And ooh chile, I tell ya thank goodness my tubes are tied cause I swear if they weren't some conception would be taking place that night. This man makes some serious baby making music. I don't know how anyone could listen to help and NOT want to get sexed up later. Ya'll think I'm joking. But I swear there should be a huge warning label on his albums stating : This album will result in pregnancy. Ya'll still think I'm lying? Go ahead, have a listen....and when you come up pregnant, don't be surprised.




And if that one don't get you, try these....

Movie Week

So normally, I never see a movie while it's still in theaters. Why? Several reasons....

1. I don't want to pay an arm and a leg plus a little small dog just to see a movie.
2. I never have the time.
3. I never have the time, did I already say that?


Well, as part of my whole "doing me" thing I've decided to start making time for myself. So this week I've been hitting the movie theater. The first movie I saw was with the hubster. We checked out Iron Man 2 last Friday night. AWESOME movie. I'm not going to give away the movie. But if you like Robert Downey Jr. and love him without his shirt, you need to see it. The storyline is good and there is a lot of action. But obviously, you should know that seeing as how it is an action movie.

The second movie I saw on happenstance. I needed a breather and had to get out of the house. Otherwise, you all would of saw my face flash across the screen on the late night news for smacking the crap off my husband. Seriously, I felt like I was going to pull a Rochelle from Everybody Hates Chris and knock him back into childhood. So instead of beating the man to death, I decided to do the alternative and go for a walk. So after the walk, I was still feeling upset and decided to just drive. I ended up at the movie theater and decided to see Just Wright. This is the movie with Queen Latifah and Common. Honestly, I don't like them as a couple. But the movie was nice. The storyline was a little predictable thanks to the fifty million commercials that gave away the whole movie. But, it was still worth seeing. Plus, it had a lot of actors in the movie I wasn't expecting like Pam Greer and James Pickett Jr (Chief from Grey's Anatomy).

The last movie I just got back from was Sex and The City 2. Absolutely LOVED it. The fashion. Samantha. The fashion. Samantha. Yes, I just repeated the same sentences. The movie was just that great to me. Now one thing to know about me is I'm always trying to save a dollar. So instead of getting swindled and going on opening night. I decided to wait a day and go before 6pm. Paid only $3.25!

ITS TOO DAMN HOT!!!!!!

Seriously! It's only MAY. And we've been hitting the 90s already. I don't even want to know what the actual summer will be like. I've been fighting a heat migraine for the past two days now. My head feels as if it will explode. No matter how much I hydrate, the migraines only let up for a few hours only to return again. Seriously, this is RIDICULOUS! Right now, my migraines are in remission. But I spent the majority of the day and last night miserable because of my pounding head and my crying bladder. Thankfully, Kroger has all of its store brand popsicles on sale. Which I gladly took advantage of. I've drank so much water, my body screamed for joy when I gave it something else.

UGH. I hate Texas summers.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Forgot!!

I had a super nifty topic to blog on today and I totally forgot what it was. I was at work and thought about trying to email it to myself, but I didn't have the time. UGH!!! Now I don't have anything to talk about except me forgetting what I had wanted to talk about it. I'll be back once I remember.....

He Plays Me Like a Fiddle...I'm So Ashamed

You see this face? THIS is the face of a precious little boy. Who steals my breath away. BUT, who also has a history of playing me like a fiddle. Look at him! Can you believe he is quickly becoming a terror to his older brothers? That he takes their toys while they are still playing with them and screams bloody murder if they try to get them back? How about him throwing a fit if he sees other people eating and he doesn't have anything. Doesn't matter if he *just* ate. No one is allowed to have food unless he has food. Or how about asking for a hug when you're eating a cookie and then when you're not paying attention, take a bite of your cookie. Oh the list goes on. And, I'm sure as he gets older, the list will get much longer. But who can resist that face? That smirk, those eyes, those super chunky cheeks. Oh little one, how you play me for a fool. And oh how your brothers pay the price older siblings have paid for years at the hands of their younger siblings.

No MO Bag, But I DID Score Some Other Goodies

So yesterday, I was just too damn lazy to drive to Plano to get one of the MO bags. I decided instead to just take my happy ass to Wal-Mart. Where not only did I get hit on (*blush*), I found out that those Rolling Stones magazine covers bags I've been coveting for sometime are FINALLY on clearance. For $3!!!!! I couldn't of asked for a better deal. I got quite a few because well, they're just awesome. I am still planning to get one of those MO bags.

In other news, I've got nothing, lol. Things are still the same. I DID lose a whole pound. Go Makita, go Makita. It ain't your birthday, but that's okay though. LOL. Mainly, I've done it through watching what I've been eating because I haven't worked out much this week. Oh well, I know I'll get back to it tomorrow. I have kept up my walking though so that I am still getting some exercise.

Gimme Me Some MO

As in Michelle Obama. I absolutely ADORE our First Lady. She is definitely the business. So today I am on a quest to find this shopping bag featuring our First Lady of Fabulous. Wish me luck!

Sooooo Over Sookie Stackhouse

I am. I really am. Now, while I'm pissed at the series which really means I'm pissed with the author. I'm going to give Charlaine Harris another chance. Just not with the Southern Vampire series aka the Sookie Stackhouse books. Contrary to what some geniuses believe it is NOT the True Blood series. Despite the new covers, I repeat, IT IS NOT THE TRUE BLOOD SERIES. Got it? Good. Now, I really do like the Lily Bard series. So I will continue reading them. But I'm done with SV series. Why? I'm just simply tired of the inconsistencies and the fact that the stories just seems to be lack luster now that their is a tv series.

In other news, I don't have any, lol. Things are still the same. I'm still working out with Billy. I did buy the P90X. An AWESOME score off Craigslist. Only $65!!!! Sweet. So anyway, my ass needs to be in shape to handle P90X because it is INTENSE. So I'm currently working on getting my ass in shape so I can use the P90X to make my ass look nice.

Ooh Chile My Ass is Fat

Seriously. So I finally got around to exercising. Yeah me!!! And somehow I was able to keep up with Billy. Although, that's not really a surprise as I'm still active. Just not an active exerciser. But whoo chile my ass is fat! I took my measurements today and I am NOT happy. Ironically, it's been almost a year since I last measured myself. So let's take a look at where I was this time last year...

05/15/09
Waist-34 inches
Body Fat-32.7%
Hips-38.5 inches
Thighs- (L-21 inches) (R-20 3/4 inches)
Pants size- 10/11
BMI-25.42
Weight-157.5lbs


Now, let's see where I am today.

05/12/10
Waist- 39.5 inches
Body Fat- 32.45%
Hips- 43 inches
Thighs- (L-27 inches) (R- 27 inches)
Pants size- 13/14
BMI- 30.34%
Weight- 188lbs


So as you can see, I'm doing something wrong. It's like all the Little Debbie and Otis Spunkmeyer I've been eating has planted a fat baby inside my stomach. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in myself. Because I know better. But the truth of the matter is I've been going through some major depression and major grief. And despite all the friends and family I have, I always turn to food first. *sigh* But if I made a commitment to myself last year then I can do it again this year. So I, Makita, am committing to taking care of myself spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I've been doing really good in the spiritual and emotional departments. Now it's time to step it up and complete the whole package.

Now for the accountability.... Every 2 weeks I will weigh myself. I've taken a before picture (warning: it is NOT pretty), but I will not be taking a photo every 2 weeks. See below and you'll understand why. I will eat healthier. I'm not going to lie and say I will never have another donut, but I can say I will not eat another box of donuts or eat them in excess. I'd like to get down to 155lbs. Once I reach the halfway point I'll post another photo. So that's a total of 38lbs I'd like to lose. And once I reach my goal weight I will take an after photo. But I will not stop there. I plan to continue the exercise although I will modify it to maintain my weight. Yeah, I know I made the same promise last year, but to be honest only time will tell.

Weight...












Body shot....












I told you it wasn't pretty. So let's see how this all shapes up. Hopefully nicely!

Seriously, This is IT

Okay, I know I've been saying I'm going to get rid of my weight gain for awhile now. Well, this time I mean it. So here goes. It's time for accountability. Later today I will be posting my body measurements just like I did last year along with my current weight. The plan is still the same--eating better and working out. This time around I will be stepping it up to using Taebo Amped (yes my love affair with Billy will continue) and if I am able to purchase it, I will be starting a new lover affair with Tony Horton and do P90X. My goal? To get rid of this flabby stomach. I'm loving my hips and butt. My thighs? Not so much. But I know I need to work on my overall body so wherever I lose is okay. I just really want to get back to being healthy. Because I know the junk that I am shoving in my mouth is NOT healthy. And sitting on my ass watching Deal or No Deal does nothing for me. Especially, when I could be using that time to exercise. And even more so because I hate that show. So here we go, I'm getting started TODAY. No more excuses!!!!

Motherhood Is....Giveaway *WINNER POSTED*

Yeah I know, I know. I'm kind of late with posting this. But oh well, free stuff is free stuff. So here's the deal. First, you have to be a mother. Of course, I don't have the power to check into every entrant's uterus to be sure. So I'm going on the honor code. Yes, I know it's discrimination to only allow mothers to enter. Well it's my blog so nana nana boo. Second, you can only enter once. The winner will be picked via a random number generator. To enter, leave a comment telling me what motherhood is to you. I love you all, but please leave only a sentence or two. I really don't want to read a novel, lol. I know you all love your babies and while I love to hear a mother's pride...the blog only has so much space ;) The contest will end on Wednesday, May 12th at 11:59pm. The winner will be chosen on Thursday. So check back on Thursday to see if you're the lucky winner. Of course, you're probably asking why is she giving something away... did she get a crappy gift that she wants to pawn off on someone? Nope. I just decided it would be nice to gift a wonderful mother with something just for her. Not for the kiddos. Because we all know we've walked into a store intent on buying just ourselves something and walked out without anything for ourselves and everything for the youngsters. So here's your chance to have something just for you. Well, what it is you ask? That's where the fun comes in. It's a surprise. Nope, I'm not telling. Not even if you send tiny elves to tickle my feet as I sleep. But I will tell you this. It'll be 100% hand crafted with love.

So....enter by leaving a comment telling me what motherhood is. Also, let me know you're favorite color. Good luck!!!

Motherhood is never using the bathroom alone without someone knocking on the door asking if you need help.

Motherhood is always having to share your food even when you want to be totally stingy, but you share anyway.

Motherhood is waking up every morning knowing that your day will be full of surprises--some fun, others....not so much-- but when you go to bed at the end of the day you'll want to do it all again tomorrow.


WINNER:
Thank you to all who entered. I really enjoyed reading your reasons on what Motherhood Is to you. The winner of the contest by random number is.............

~~~~~~~~~~~Form of Jane~~~~~~~~~

Congrats Jane! And congrats to everyone who already have the best gift already--your children!

I Weep For The State of Today's Youth and For My Thighs

On this 5th day of May, known as Cinco de Mayo, I wept. Okay, I actually laughed my ass off and then shook my head in despair. I was working one of my stores when these 3 teens come onto my aisle. The three have a conversation.....

Blond girl: We need to get something for the Cinco celebration
Redhead girl: Like something from Mexico?
Boy: Yeah, we need something authentic.
Redhead: Hmmm...oh look we can get some Doritos. They're from Mexico.
Blond: Seriously? They're so good.
Redhead: yeah, they like import them from Mexico.


I almost peed my pants laughing so hard. I didn't have the heart to tell them those chips were made in Irving, TX. I can't believe how serious they were too. This is a sad, sad day for America when our teens think chips that say "American made" are imported .

Moving onward, I wept for my thighs today. So initially when I started gaining the weight back, I was like okay. It didn't bother me because well, while my ass is fat. It also looks AMAZING! I finally got some junk in my trunk. And who can blame a girl for liking a little badunk ka dunk? But my poor thighs are the ones suffering for my vanity. Almost all of my pants are tight around the thighs. And since I refuse to buy new pants, that means I need to be able to wear the ones I currently have comfortably. So what does this all mean? It means the fat ass has to go. *sigh* If I could keep the ass and lose the thighs, I'd be super happy. But I know one can't survive without the other. So I'm accepting it. It's cool. I had almost a whole year of a nice, plump butt. I

And I'm Supposed to Care Why?

I'm sorry I left my "I give a damn" out in the rain. So it no longer works right.

Seriously, I've had it up to here today. I've gotten to the point where I just don't give a hot mess. Obviously, if you're reading this blog, it doesn't apply to you. It applies to the random dumb asses I know who feel the need to tell me shit I don't care about. Oh yeah, if you hadn't noticed I've gone back to cussing. Not full blown cussing like Samuel L Jackson cussing. But just a sprinkle here or there. Anyway, my cussing is not the issue. It's people who just assume I care about their mundane lives. Case in point, I'm at work shelving chips and this lady has the nerve to step to me and start asking me if working for my company caused me to gain weight. Seriously, what kind of question is that shit? I mean yeah I know I'm a fat ass but that's my damn business. And no it wasn't the job. It's the eating at all times of the day and this sitting on my ass that caused me to have a fat ass. So anyway moving back to this lady. She went on to tell me how when she started a job she gained all kinds of weight and blah blah blah I stopped listening blah blah blah. I turned around and said "I'm sorry, I left my give a damn out in the rain. It doesn't work right anymore." She walked off right quick after that.

Who did she think she was that she could come up to me and tell me about my fat ass? I don't know her like that. Well, okay I do kind of know her. I see her every once in awhile because she works for the store. But that doesn't justify or give her the right to comment on my fat ass. Yeah, I realize that my pants are now snug--okay who am I fooling? these damn pants are tight as hell--around the hips and thighs. But that's MY business. Ain't nobody complaining about her double child. Shoot. She better back up before she really gets told off. I don't care about her and her weight issues. I didn't ask her nothing. I was just standing there doing my thing, talking to my coworker, minding my own business. And here she come all sappy faced and bubbly. It's too damn early in the morning to be all bubbly. Shoot. Having the nerve to tell me about my fat ass. Heifer please *roll eyes*

And, no I'm NOT being sensitive.....okay, maybe a little.

Thinking I'm Going To Be a Fat Ass For a Little While Longer

I was totally pumped this morning to get my ass back in gear. But then life hit me with another full frontal kick to the face. So now I have no motivation to do it. In fact, I don't want to do anything. This post is really just a waste of time as I'm not really saying anything. It's not even about the weight. I just feel like I suck at everything right now. ~sigh~ Maybe next week or even tomorrow I'll be done with this feeling and will be ready to kick my fat ass into gear.

Mrs. O Can Do No Wrong

First of all, I don't give a hot damn if you didn't vote for President Obama, don't like him, or whatever. That's your prerogative and honestly I don't care. This is MY blog. But guess what? This post isn't even about him. Nope. It's about his other half. The beautiful, always classy First Lady Michelle Obama. YES!!!! This woman is just a huge breath of fresh air. Intelligent, caring, upstanding, and FIERCE! The woman can work any outfit from a no name designer to a world class famous one. I could go on and on about the woman.

Stupid Allergies, Super Sweet Netbook.

My allergies are KILLING me!!!! Seriously! Every morning I wake up with itchy, red, yucky oozy eyes. And my throat feels like someone is rubbing sandpaper against it. Damn you allergies. I've been having a major love affair with showers to wash the pollen off and Claritin. I never had allergies before I lived in Texas. Thanks Texas!

I got a new netbook today! Whoo hoo! My old one was acting wonky. The power cord wasn't working anymore and the mouse pad was just worthless. So the hubster and youngins took it to Best Buy for me while I was at work. Well, the good old Geek Squad said my netbook was too old to be repaired. Imagine that. I just got it last year for Mother's Day. Oh well, I'm sure that meant it was ancient in geek speak. But ask me if I care? Go ahead....ask me. Cause I don't give a hot mess how old it is. I love love LOVE my new one. It's wider, but thinner. It's got a comfort mouse pad. And a bunch of cool stuff that the other one didn't have. Sweet!

Mother's Day: Something To Ponder

*giggle* I absolutely love the word "ponder". I plan to use it at least several more times today. So moving forward, a question popped into my head as I sit here watching Good Morning America talk about Mother's Day. Is every mother worth celebrating? Yes, I just went there. Seriously, we all know there are horrible mothers in the world. Mothers who beat their children, neglect their children, use their children for their own personal gain, etc etc. Does this person need to be celebrated? Sure, we all like to pretend mothers are just the cream of the crop. And, yes there are some truly AMAZING women out there. BUT, I am not talking about these mothers. I am asking why should we celebrate these women who don't deserve it.

Now, keep this is mind. I grew up in a horrible situation so my feelings are biased. I remember every Mother's Day as a day I dreaded. I actually hated the two weeks leading up to it and two days following it in which everyone asked "What did you get your mom?". And heaven forbid if you said nothing. Because then you were the world's worst child who didn't appreciate your mother. Or you hear "you've only got one mother." To which I always secretly thought "good, I can't wait until its over.". Harsh, I know. But if you knew my history, you'd understand. But what I hated the most leading up to it was in school (before they started this teaching to the test bull) all activities were themed around women who were known as wonderful mothers. And, then we had to make cards and crafts to celebrate our mom. There were so many times I wanted to say "I don't want to make her something, she doesn't deserve it." And then Mother's Day would come and I'd have to give her the card/craft. I'd have to sit there and tell her how great of a mother she is and basically bullshit my way through the rest of the day. I'd go to church and listen to people tell me how lucky I am to have her and yadda yadda.

Now why am I saying all this? Especially when pretty much all of my fans are mothers themselves? Well, because I want you all to take time and ponder (there's that word again) the flip side of reality for all those children like me who are growing up in bad situations. On Mother's Day as you stop to think about your own children, think about those children out there who have to fake the funk to make it through the day. Those children need to be uplifted in prayer and thought. And if you know a child who does have to make it through the day, hug them. Hug them as tight as you can to let them know that someone IS thinking about them.

Chuck E Cheese: The Place Where Adults Like Me Can Go And Obliterate High Scores

Yes, that's right. You are now reading the blog of the current high score holder of Street Hoops at the Chuck E Cheese in Allen, Tx. Yes, I know you're flattered. You should be. First, I'd like to thank my oldest brother who made it possible for a little girl to grow up and achieve her dream. All the days we hung out at Chuck E Cheese pretending to be apart of random birthday parties so we could score free tokens. Thanks bro! Next, I'd like to thank my old gynecologist who decided April 28th was a good day to deliver my son Sean. Without that birth, I'd have no reason to go to Chuck E Cheese today. Thanks Dr. Bansal, you rock! Of course, I'd like to thank my middle son Sean for letting me steal his birthday thunder as I screamed around the room "take that! Yeah BOY!!!!" complete in the Flava Flav voice. And I'd also like to thank last, but not least, my boys and Derrick who stood by and watched me waste their time by hording all the tokens so that I could smash that high score. Because of you all, I achieved my dream. Too bad it only paid out 4 tickets, but hey, I've got the memories and the high score...at least until someone (who'll more than likely end up on my LIST) comes and breaks it.

As you can see, today was totally awesome for me. Of course I went to work and operated off of only 3 hours of sleep. But, I managed to get everything done today that needed to be done. My middle son Sean was absolutely thrilled with his gifts and cake. And almost burst into sunshine when I told him we were going to Chuck E Cheese. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't also for me too, lol. I love the memories I made with my boys. It couldn't of been a better day.

Back When Mariah Used To Sing, She Inspired Me

I mean like seriously SANG! The kind of singing that brings tears to your eyes because the emotion in their voice brings up all kinds of feelings you didn't even know you had. Mariah used to have me in tears because her voice just brought so much power to the lyrics. Now...not so much. Okay, wait. Her voice still moves me, but its just not her current voice. I hate that breathy sounding crap she does now. I wish she would put her voice back to use.

Anyway, I've been having my ups and downs. Well, a song that just always uplifts me and helps me make it through is Hero. Well, her song Make It Happen also picks me up. But Hero really does it for me. It is just so positive that you can't help but feel revived. I've got a lot going on in my life. And hearing the song just helps me center myself again. Every day is a small battle and being able to win makes me feel like I can conquer anything. And I know its because there is a hero that lives inside of me.

Fake Laughter Kills.....Eardrums

Nothing grates my nerves more than fake laughing. Okay, there are several other things on my "That really gets on my damn nerves" list. But fake laughing is right up there. I was at work this morning and there was this lady laughing like a damn hyena and it was soooooooooo fake. She was trying to flirt with the produce manager and it was just an epic fail. All I could think of was the Janice character from Friends. So on my way out I passed by Mike and said "Hello Mr. Bing! Ehhhhhhhhhhh" <---- you know that annoyingly fake laugh Janice does. Mike cracked up, of course the hyena lady did not. Oh well. Bad flirting is terrible. Bad flirting with a horrible fake laugh is just plain wrong.

Boz Scaggs is White?!

Seriously, I feel like a dumb ass. I've been listening to him for years and somehow I missed this little tidbit. LOL! When I heard it this morning I was like what?! NO!!!! Seriously?! NO!!! So of course the first thing I did when I got home was google him. And sure enough, he's a white guy. Kind of cute too. See above picture.

Does it matter? Nope. I love good music. No matter who makes it. The only thing I hate is bad music. Currently, there is some girl named Kesha(?) that is just making my ears bleed. I want to find this girl and smack her around until her voice box falls out. She should NOT be making music!!! If anybody sees her, please feel free to smack her for me.

Some of my favorite blue eyed singers off the top of my head are...

Michael McDonald
Kenny Loggins
Hall and Oates
Remy Shand
Elliot Yamin
Kris Allen
Boz Scaggs
Steely Dan

I'm Not Super Woman

Where have I been? I honestly don't know. That's a question I don't even know the answer to. A lot has gone on in my life over the last several months. And some time during that period, I stopped being me and just went into a daze. Of course, I still looked like me, talked like me, and projected the ideal image everyone sees of me. But, I wasn't me. I was depressed. I lost myself in my grief and heart ache. For awhile it seemed like everything in the world that could go wrong could. Death, emotional distress, financial hardships, and tragic events. Am I over them? No. And not every issue has been fully dealt with. But, I am dealing with them. And the most important thing for me is to take my time doing it. I'm not Super Woman. I don't have to be her. I don't want to be her. I am ME. And if that's not good enough, then that's just too damn bad.

I am just happy to be alive. I am happy to have my wonderful boys in my life who teach me something new every day. And even though it's been very challenging this year, I still am thankful for my husband. But a relationship without challenges is a relationship without growth according to Prince. And you all know how much I love Prince! And really no matter what happens, I have done a lot of growing personally.

So moving onward, what does this all mean? I don't know. If I knew then I wouldn't learn anything at all. This is a new chapter for me. I'm moving forward with my life. I'm getting back to doing the things *I* enjoy doing. Most importantly, I'm making time for me. All this time, I thought I'd been living my life for myself. In hindsight, I realize that I've been living for everyone but me. And that's the problem. I can't live for my children. Or husband. Or relatives. Or friends. I have to live for Makita. Because I'm the only person who can live for me. And if I don't take care of myself, no one else will.

So I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm not Super Woman.

That Was....Surreal?

I can't believe I just made my dad's death arrangements. My grandma and I just went over all the details. He's not gone yet, thankfully. But the time is getting close and my grandma decided it was time. I don't think any of you really want to hear the details so I'll spare ya. But man, that was just...weird to say the least. Honestly, I've been hoping this day would never come. But I guess we get everything together now so that we don't have to deal with it in our time of grief. The only thing I can think about right now is Mr. Omar from Everybody Hates Chris and how he used to "comfort" the widows. I totally need some comfort right now.... a hug or something. Wow, that was so hard.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

And I'm all alone.... at least for now. I was really surprised the schools are still open. However, I wouldn't be surprised if they closed at 10am that way they could still count the day as a full school day. Which would kind of piss me off because I got my nice warm ass out of bed this morning to take the boys to school. But it would kind of make me happy because then the boys and I could enjoy the weather. I've got all the ingredients needed to make oatmeal raisin cookies so I'll probably make a couple of batches for the boys at some point today.

I had originally planned to enjoy the day at Barnes and Noble. But now, I may just snuggle with a good book in my bed while I wait to find out if the boys are going to get out early. In other news, I found out I have a $14 fine at one of the libraries I visit. Ain't that a bitch? I forgot to tell the hubster to return my books for me when I was out of town and they charged me big time. Geesh! And since I love the library, I will definitely be paying my fine, but not today. Cause this weather sucks and I'm not going outside unless I absolutely have to.

Well, I'm off to snuggle with Cry Wolf by Patricia Briggs. Stay safe and warm out there today.

Living Like I'm Dying

Okay, so that's not the exact title of the song, but that's the message I'm taking from it. Because with all the shit going on in my life, that's exactly how I plan to live from now on. Why should I sit around and wallow in misery all day? My life sucks right now. I got that. But that doesn't mean I have to let the suckiness (yes, I just made up a word. Talented, I know) suck me dry. So what does that mean for me? Well, first thing it means is I'm getting my ass back in shape. Tomorrow, I'm busting out the Taebo tapes. Yeah, baby. Me and Billy fixed to have another love affair. It also means I'm going to stop living so recklessly. WHAT?! Makita living recklessly, that's unheard of. I know, especially since I'm so damn dull. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex with random strangers, or any of the fun stuff. But I am a reckless person. How? With my personal problems. I lash out at the wrong people at the wrong times. And that accounts for a lot of pain in my life. I also don't give my forgiveness easily (although I am really being tested with that right now) because I always tell myself I have time. But I don't. And when you really think about it, every day we all get one day closer to death. Creepy, huh? I know. But it's true. So in addition to getting my fat ass back in shape. I want to get my personal relationships on track. Does that mean I'm going to apologize to every single person I've ever hurt. No. Of course not. Who the hell keeps count and a list of the people? I sure don't. But I will now craft my friendships with more care.

I guess I could do some other stuff too, but right now I can't think of anything else. So I leave with the video of Live Like You're Dying which is an awesome song, but a kind of sucky video.

Representing the Who Dat Nation

Geaux Saints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, I Will NOT Go

I've been thinking about it and thinking about it. I really seem to think a lot, don't I? And I've decided I will stay and fight. I will not slink off into the night. I did nothing wrong so why should I go? Why should I give up the things that I love? And blogging is something that I love to do. So, no I will not go. I will stay and fight. And I will stay and blog.

So, as I said I do have a lot going on. But keeping it bottled up will do more harm than good. So some days I will blog on it and some days I won't. But I have a plan. A good plan can get one through anything and I believe this plan will work. I need revamp my life for myself and for my boys. In 5th grade (shout out to Ms. Lacey) my teacher told us "What the mind can conceive, I can and WILL achieve." Every morning, we recited it after the pledge of allegiance. I achieved a lot in 5th grade through that motto. So I will now go forward in my life with the same motto. Every day I will remind myself that I can achieve anything I can conceive.

I am still planning out my list, but here are a few things I have worked out.

Goal #1 - Improve my mental health through therapy and other measures needed to achieve stability and happiness.

Goal #2- Work on my marriage.

Goal #3- Improve my physical health through steady exercise and a healthier lifestyle.


I know these goals can be achieved because I believe and know that I can obtain them. I will not go down without a fight. So I am here to stay.

Going Away

Although this is a freshly conceived blog, I'm going to put it on hiatus for awhile. I've got a lot of stuff going on and a lot of changes occurring in my life. So once I get things in order I'll be back.


Thanks for reading.

Not Feeling The Burn

Nope. Not at all. I haven't started working out yet. I keep telling myself that I will get there, but then I don't. One thing after another happens and I turn to food to help me feel better. My heart is constantly being ripped out and just when I begin to think its repairing itself, something new happens. So I call on my old friends Otis Spunkmeyer and Blue Bell and let go. I'm so tired of all the heart ache and I really don't think I can survive the last shredding of my heart.

It's Over

Is there anything in this world worth fighting for? When I was younger, I use to believe my family was worth fighting for. Cause family is supposed to be everything. Yeah... that didn't work out so well. When I was a teenager, I got the silly idea that love was worth fighting for. Yeah.... that's not working out so well either. Sometimes, I think life is worth fighting for. But now I just don't care. I give up. I quit. I don't have anymore fight left in me. Because nothing is worth fighting over. If you don't fight, you can't get hurt. If you don't get hurt, you won't feel anything. And I don't want to feel.

My Very Own Gladys And a Crazy Weirdo

I swear this has been one of the funniest/weirdest work days of my life. I can't help but chuckle as I recall all of it. At my third stop of the day, which happens to be a Kroger's grocery store, I was happily minding my own business and restocking the aisle when this elderly lady bumped into me. I moved over a little bit and went back to business. She did it again. The funny thing is she looked completely unaware that she was doing it. The third time she bumped me I said "Ma'am, can I help you find something?" She looked at me, blushed, and then said "I'm sorry. I'm a little drunk." And then just walked off. I laughed so hard tears started streaming down my face. Micheal, one of the beer guys, asked what was so funny so I told him. He too started laughing and said "yeah, that lady smelled like she'd been drinking since sun up". It was barely two o'clock! Seriously, that was just crazy. After I finished my aisle, I did go seek her out to make sure she was with someone and not alone. Thankfully, she was. I think she was with her son.

The whole incident made me think of Gladys. Ya'll know who Gladys is, right? Aside from me, she's about the funniest thing I've ever seen on the Ellen show. Gladys is the business. She loves Jesus, but she also likes to drink a little. If you haven't seen the video, I highly recommend you do. Just Google the Ellen show and Gladys. Okay, okay...I'll post it here cause I know some of you are lazy and don't want to do the extra work. Gladys is the business!






So the next crazy thing to happen to me today was this asshole who said to me "While you're down there, say a prayer for me too." I was on my knees working the bottom shelves and he just came out of nowhere and said that. I ignored him completely and was proud of myself for not faltering in my routine. I managed to keep working as if I hadn't heard a word. Now, normally I just shrug off comments like this or laugh along with them. But this guy had a nasty sneer to his voice that made me so uncomfortable. So it made me feel a lot better when he realized after standing there for about 2 minutes that I wasn't going to respond to him. I could tell I took the wind out of his sails and made him feel like an idiot. Yeah me!


What a day, lol!

My Sean, He's The Best

After having a very awesome day turn into a very shitty one courtesy of one of the most heartless gynecologists I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Don't worry, I won't be seeing her or any gyn again for as long as I live. Anyway, my Sean totally lifted my spirits. I received the following email from his teacher about 30 minutes ago.

I received a cupcake from a former student today, and decided to eat it during snack time. I'm not a huge fan of sweets, so I took the icing top off of it and threw it away, eating only the cake part.

Sean came to me about 5 mins later and said, (in a very serious tone) "Miss Cross. Next time someone brings you a cupcake, please just get a plate, and put the icing on it and not in the trash. I will eat it. There is no need to ever waste icing."

Haha!! I laughed until I cried. He was devastated that I would be so crazy and throw away the "best part."

Thought you would think that was funny.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Kelly

This was just what I needed to get me back in the game. My silly son makes my heart swell.

Forget Javier, I Need a MAID!!!!!

So my secret fantasy is to have an incredibly hot masseur named Javier steal me away in the afternoons and massage my body into pure bliss. *Sigh* Just thinking about it makes me giddy. But, and I'm really sad to admit this, I'd gladly trade Javier for a maid. Today is my deep cleaning day and I hate every minute of it. Cleaning after my boys used to be tolerable and kind of cute (I used to find hidden things like Tonka trucks and cookies). Now, as they get older its just getting gross and annoying. Derrick and I have laid down some rules and doled out some chores, but it's still the pits. Not cool at all. Baby drool on a pillow was adorable. Little kid drool....not so much. Would it kill them to pick up their dirty clothes and put them in their hamper? It's RIGHT there, in the exact same place that it has always been. I'm just saying.

Okay, I'm lying. I would NOT give up Javier for a maid. Mama needs her massages. Just the thought of strong hands working out all the kinks is enough to make me forgive my boys for their slovenly ways.

So I've got a lot to do today. Actually, I've done a lot today already. Doctor's appointment this morning for a physical. Which was like the laziest physical ever. The doctor spent more time squealing over my Purple Rain tee shirt than he did looking at me. Go figure. Basically, all they did was draw my blood and listen to my heartbeat. I was totally expecting to get poked and prodded and perform all kinds of physical tests. But nope. A look here, a knock there, a prick here and I was done. From there I came back home and got to work on setting up this blog. Then I started to clean. All I have left to do is take down our Christmas tree and finish the bathrooms. Yep, you read right. Our tree is still up. Why? Cause I'm extra lazy and its just been at the bottom of my list.

So fun times, fun times ahead.

Oh, I did get my weight today from the doctor. But since I like to weigh myself either naked or minimal clothing....YES, clothes REALLY do add an extra 15lbs, lol. I don't think it's accurate. So I'm in denial until I can get naked and step on my own scale.

Welcome!

Come on in, have a seat, get yourself something to eat. Cause you're in for one hell of a good time with me. So what do you think about my new place? After thinking and thinking and THINKING about it for months, I finally went ahead and combined my blogs. Why have two blogs and force myself to do all the extra work when I really didn't have to? So, here you'll find all of my posts from both Operation Fitness and Random Thoughts. It's going to take me a day or so to really get it all together, but so far so good.

Now here comes the part where I give my good old disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Makita is NOT for the faint of heart or easily offended.

I do try to mindful of other people when I post because, really, does anyone ever want to read a post just full of ranting? Nope. And I sure don't like writing them. Sometimes my mouth moves faster than my common sense though and occasionally you'll get a post just full of me mouthing off. But I try to keep it to a minimum. Just know that I say what I mean and I mean what I say. And sometimes what I say surprises even me, lol.

For those of you who like to comment, please note I do not tolerate plain racism, sexism, bigotry, abuse of any kind, etc. So if you're coming here to be hateful, save yourself some time and keep it moving. You don't have to agree with me or like my opinions, but I'll be damned if I put up with ignorance and hate.

So now that we've gone through the house rules, let's talk a little about this blog. Basically, it's just some good old Makita in blog form. It'll pretty much follow me throughout my life, parenting, my fitness goals, and my life pursuits. Along with random things like books I've reading, music I'm loving, people annoying me, and so on and so forth. So have a seat....

Meh...

So I've been holding out on blogging because I'm torn one what I'd like to do. I've been toying around with the idea of combining my two blogs since my readers are pretty much all the same people or keeping them separate. I really don't know what I to do. So bare with me as I go through the "I think I want to/I think I don't want to" moments. Anyway, I haven't done shit in the workout department. I'm actually sick now and refuse to work out. All I really want to do is just lay in a bubble bath all day long and read trashy romance novels, the kind with the half naked men on the cover :D I have a physical tomorrow and then the ever so lovely well woman's exam on Friday. And since I had made those in anticipation of starting up a workout routine, I'm guessing those will push me into getting in gear. Nothing like a doctor confirming your fatassness (yes, I just made that word up....you can thank me later) to make you want to run to the nearest gym.

My Fat Ass is Back And Its Not Pretty

It has been several months since I've last written. I wish I could say I had nothing but wonderful news, but nope I don't. My fat ass has come back and its not pretty. At all. I haven't weighed myself yet, but I can bet my last dollar (actually, I only have about 42 cents in my pocket) that my weight matches my fat ass....huge. I know you're thinking "girl, what happened? You was looking fabulous!" Well, I'll tell you what happened. Mainly, its a sob story and since this isn't Lifetime, I'll just cut to the chase. My Dad's cancer came back, I had a hard time looking for a job, my emotional health plummeted, and I got lazy. So to make myself feel better I called up my old friends Otis Spunkmeyer and Little Debbie. And, we all partied until the fat started piling back on. I also started a love affair with Frito Lay. It is what it is. And while I'm not ashamed because shit we all have our bad moments, I am disappointed in myself. Cause I *knew* better. Yet, I didn't care. But I guess when you are depressed, you don't care about a whole lot anyway.

So why do I care now? I don't know. I mean, I don't have any special trips planned or want to win a contest or anything. I guess its cause I look in the mirror and I'm like "who the hell is that fat bitch? EWWWW." I know you all are thinking "girl, you still look good." Yeah, okay, if you say so. But I don't feel good. My belly makes me look 5 months pregnant and my thighs rub together. Not good. Not good at all. So here I am again in a new year trying to be a new me.

Will I diet? No, I never diet. But I will get back to eating healthier and more importantly learning how to TALK my problems out instead of trying to cover the pain with food. Maybe I'll reward myself with something along the way to help me reach my goal. The first thing I need to do is get my ass on the scale so I can take ownership of the fat. And then from there I'll proceed.