Hypoglycemia...It's A Different World Than Where I Come From

So today, I spent the day on the sofa with Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert. This morning I was hit with a very nasty case of hypoglycemia. I had to fast for more blood work, ironically to determine where I am with my fight against pre-diabetes and the Vitamin D deficiency. After having my blood drawn, I went onto work and stopped in at the cafeteria and got a simple breakfast of some yogurt, eggs, and turkey bacon. I know you're thinking, what the hell Makita turkey bacon?! Yes, unfortunately the bacon at work is borderline disgusting so I generally go with turkey bacon because it's edible and actually tastes like food. Anyway, I didn't really think the whole fasting thing through. I had a super intensive Sunday with 3 hours of dance preceded by an hour walk. So I should have at the very least feasted like a damn king. But, I was so worried about my blood results that I had a light dinner, took my medicine for moderating my blood sugar, and called it a night. Big mistake. I woke up around 2am with a stomach ache but I didn't pay it much mind. I tend to not sleep well when my kids are with their dad anyway, so I chalked it up to anxiety and missing them and went back to sleep. Actually, I watched an episode of Modern Family and then went back to sleep.

So this morning at work, after all was said and done, I started feeling light headed and couldn't focus. My lovely coworker went and grabbed me some orange juice, but it didn't help. The next thing I know, I was sitting under my desk with my head between my legs trying not to hyperventilate. Yep, that freaked everybody out. So I went home. Actually, I was driven home by one of my people who freaked out the entire time and decided to take me to the Minute Clinic. $10 and 30 minutes later, I was told I was hypoglycemic and my iron was very low. Not surprised on the iron. I've always been very anemic thanks to my bitch of a uterus. But that's another story for another day. So armed with more orange juice and a plan to eat a bloody steak, I went home. Ate a delicious roast beef sandwich and promptly conked out. My sleep was terrible though. Apparently, low blood sugar also means whales will sprout legs and chase you through a land that is different shades of purple and the grass will also try to eat you. Crazy. Eventually, I woke up sweat drenched to the sound of my alarm blaring. So thankful I set the damn thing.

I spent the rest of the day munching on brisket and green beans brought over by coworkers and watching A Different World which is now on Hulu. Yes, lawd!!! I love that show. It's the reason why I chose to go to a HBCU instead of a regular college. Anyway, I'm tired so I'm going to wrap this up with I'm definitely feeling better emotionally since the last blog post. Got myself a handy dandy special friend to help me with that. And, I'm on my way to feeling better physically after today's episode.

It Hurts Not Just Emotionally, But Also Physically. And It Royally Sucks

I guess I should have seen this coming. The past few months have been a high. Not a crazy high, but a high nonetheless. But hindsight is always twenty/twenty, right? Today just sucks. The sad thing is the cause is all chemical. I didn't get hurt physically or emotionally. Nope. In fact, these past few months have been the best fucking times of my life. I'm happy. Period. I'm not arguing with my ex husband, stressed over finances, worried about my kids. My life is good. Yet, today I am struggling. I've been on the verge of losing my shit all day. At everyone. From my kids to my coworkers. I feel surrounded by annoying little people and grown up whiny bitches who won't LEAVE ME ALONE! My nerves are so raw, I'm like an open wound whose scab has been picked off several times. I just want to be left alone because it hurts. It hurts to be touched. It hurts to be asked "what's wrong". It hurts to have someone care. I'm emotionally exhausted.

I cannot cope with even friends trying to help me today. The usual after school/homework routine with my kids is just TOO MUCH today. I can't stop kicking myself over locking myself in my room the moment I got home. I went through a drive thru for the boys and then set the table and walked away. More than likely, because I know myself, I won't be leaving my room until it's time for them to go to bed. And even then, I'll wait until they are asleep to kiss them goodnight. Because the littlest thing is going to set me off. And I'm going to lose it because I just want to be left alone. I don't want to talk to my best friend. I don't want to be a good mom. I want to be good to myself and slink off into the darkest part of my closet and fall away from the world.

The worst part is I know all of my feelings today are justified. I can't help having a mental illness, but that doesn't mean I like it.

Never Be Bullied Into Silence

I ate today like I had no damn common sense or even control. But look, wait a minute! I've got good reason. And by good reason what I really mean is an excuse. Have I ever told you about my firstborn? The one who started it all? The one who made me want to be a better person? The one who made me finally feel complete? Yes, THAT firstborn. My baby made me SO proud today. I got an email from one of his teachers telling me how he stood up to peer pressure and turned in a student who brought a pocket knife to school. YES! My BABY did that! As a reward, I took him to Gattiland which is like Chuck E Cheese for Elementary to Middle School aged kids. Anyway, I lost my damn mind and ate like I had not a lick of common sense.

But enough about that, let me get back to my baby. Y'all, I truly just cannot tell you how proud I am. In this day and age where violence is touching every level of the school systems from Kindergarten to Graduate studies, I cannot help but be thankful for students like my son who help STOP violence before it can even happen. I grew up with the sentiment of "snitches get stitches" and I've had that talk with my boys. I always tell that that no matter what, always do what you feel in your heart to be the right thing. Even if it is unpopular because at the end of the day YOU are the one who has to live with that decision. And to NEVER be afraid to speak up. In fact, in our family room I have this quote framed:

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself. -Harvey Fierstein 

I am so thankful to have children who actually LISTEN to me and aren't just hearing me. It makes me feel like I am actually doing something right. Parenting is HARD! It ain't all Cosby Show and Malcolm in the Middle. Nope. There are lots of tears, sleepless nights, and heart pounding moments. And that's just on MY end. I truly just cannot tell you how proud I am of my son. I truly am. 

 

My brave boy

 

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/harveyfier101058.html#XpVuh7OobJTGhzH9.99

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/harveyfier101058.html#XpVuh7OobJTGhzH9.99

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”