It Hurts Not Just Emotionally, But Also Physically. And It Royally Sucks

I guess I should have seen this coming. The past few months have been a high. Not a crazy high, but a high nonetheless. But hindsight is always twenty/twenty, right? Today just sucks. The sad thing is the cause is all chemical. I didn't get hurt physically or emotionally. Nope. In fact, these past few months have been the best fucking times of my life. I'm happy. Period. I'm not arguing with my ex husband, stressed over finances, worried about my kids. My life is good. Yet, today I am struggling. I've been on the verge of losing my shit all day. At everyone. From my kids to my coworkers. I feel surrounded by annoying little people and grown up whiny bitches who won't LEAVE ME ALONE! My nerves are so raw, I'm like an open wound whose scab has been picked off several times. I just want to be left alone because it hurts. It hurts to be touched. It hurts to be asked "what's wrong". It hurts to have someone care. I'm emotionally exhausted.

I cannot cope with even friends trying to help me today. The usual after school/homework routine with my kids is just TOO MUCH today. I can't stop kicking myself over locking myself in my room the moment I got home. I went through a drive thru for the boys and then set the table and walked away. More than likely, because I know myself, I won't be leaving my room until it's time for them to go to bed. And even then, I'll wait until they are asleep to kiss them goodnight. Because the littlest thing is going to set me off. And I'm going to lose it because I just want to be left alone. I don't want to talk to my best friend. I don't want to be a good mom. I want to be good to myself and slink off into the darkest part of my closet and fall away from the world.

The worst part is I know all of my feelings today are justified. I can't help having a mental illness, but that doesn't mean I like it.