That Was....Surreal?

I can't believe I just made my dad's death arrangements. My grandma and I just went over all the details. He's not gone yet, thankfully. But the time is getting close and my grandma decided it was time. I don't think any of you really want to hear the details so I'll spare ya. But man, that was just...weird to say the least. Honestly, I've been hoping this day would never come. But I guess we get everything together now so that we don't have to deal with it in our time of grief. The only thing I can think about right now is Mr. Omar from Everybody Hates Chris and how he used to "comfort" the widows. I totally need some comfort right now.... a hug or something. Wow, that was so hard.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

And I'm all alone.... at least for now. I was really surprised the schools are still open. However, I wouldn't be surprised if they closed at 10am that way they could still count the day as a full school day. Which would kind of piss me off because I got my nice warm ass out of bed this morning to take the boys to school. But it would kind of make me happy because then the boys and I could enjoy the weather. I've got all the ingredients needed to make oatmeal raisin cookies so I'll probably make a couple of batches for the boys at some point today.

I had originally planned to enjoy the day at Barnes and Noble. But now, I may just snuggle with a good book in my bed while I wait to find out if the boys are going to get out early. In other news, I found out I have a $14 fine at one of the libraries I visit. Ain't that a bitch? I forgot to tell the hubster to return my books for me when I was out of town and they charged me big time. Geesh! And since I love the library, I will definitely be paying my fine, but not today. Cause this weather sucks and I'm not going outside unless I absolutely have to.

Well, I'm off to snuggle with Cry Wolf by Patricia Briggs. Stay safe and warm out there today.

Living Like I'm Dying

Okay, so that's not the exact title of the song, but that's the message I'm taking from it. Because with all the shit going on in my life, that's exactly how I plan to live from now on. Why should I sit around and wallow in misery all day? My life sucks right now. I got that. But that doesn't mean I have to let the suckiness (yes, I just made up a word. Talented, I know) suck me dry. So what does that mean for me? Well, first thing it means is I'm getting my ass back in shape. Tomorrow, I'm busting out the Taebo tapes. Yeah, baby. Me and Billy fixed to have another love affair. It also means I'm going to stop living so recklessly. WHAT?! Makita living recklessly, that's unheard of. I know, especially since I'm so damn dull. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex with random strangers, or any of the fun stuff. But I am a reckless person. How? With my personal problems. I lash out at the wrong people at the wrong times. And that accounts for a lot of pain in my life. I also don't give my forgiveness easily (although I am really being tested with that right now) because I always tell myself I have time. But I don't. And when you really think about it, every day we all get one day closer to death. Creepy, huh? I know. But it's true. So in addition to getting my fat ass back in shape. I want to get my personal relationships on track. Does that mean I'm going to apologize to every single person I've ever hurt. No. Of course not. Who the hell keeps count and a list of the people? I sure don't. But I will now craft my friendships with more care.

I guess I could do some other stuff too, but right now I can't think of anything else. So I leave with the video of Live Like You're Dying which is an awesome song, but a kind of sucky video.

Representing the Who Dat Nation

Geaux Saints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, I Will NOT Go

I've been thinking about it and thinking about it. I really seem to think a lot, don't I? And I've decided I will stay and fight. I will not slink off into the night. I did nothing wrong so why should I go? Why should I give up the things that I love? And blogging is something that I love to do. So, no I will not go. I will stay and fight. And I will stay and blog.

So, as I said I do have a lot going on. But keeping it bottled up will do more harm than good. So some days I will blog on it and some days I won't. But I have a plan. A good plan can get one through anything and I believe this plan will work. I need revamp my life for myself and for my boys. In 5th grade (shout out to Ms. Lacey) my teacher told us "What the mind can conceive, I can and WILL achieve." Every morning, we recited it after the pledge of allegiance. I achieved a lot in 5th grade through that motto. So I will now go forward in my life with the same motto. Every day I will remind myself that I can achieve anything I can conceive.

I am still planning out my list, but here are a few things I have worked out.

Goal #1 - Improve my mental health through therapy and other measures needed to achieve stability and happiness.

Goal #2- Work on my marriage.

Goal #3- Improve my physical health through steady exercise and a healthier lifestyle.


I know these goals can be achieved because I believe and know that I can obtain them. I will not go down without a fight. So I am here to stay.