I'm Not Super Woman

Where have I been? I honestly don't know. That's a question I don't even know the answer to. A lot has gone on in my life over the last several months. And some time during that period, I stopped being me and just went into a daze. Of course, I still looked like me, talked like me, and projected the ideal image everyone sees of me. But, I wasn't me. I was depressed. I lost myself in my grief and heart ache. For awhile it seemed like everything in the world that could go wrong could. Death, emotional distress, financial hardships, and tragic events. Am I over them? No. And not every issue has been fully dealt with. But, I am dealing with them. And the most important thing for me is to take my time doing it. I'm not Super Woman. I don't have to be her. I don't want to be her. I am ME. And if that's not good enough, then that's just too damn bad.

I am just happy to be alive. I am happy to have my wonderful boys in my life who teach me something new every day. And even though it's been very challenging this year, I still am thankful for my husband. But a relationship without challenges is a relationship without growth according to Prince. And you all know how much I love Prince! And really no matter what happens, I have done a lot of growing personally.

So moving onward, what does this all mean? I don't know. If I knew then I wouldn't learn anything at all. This is a new chapter for me. I'm moving forward with my life. I'm getting back to doing the things *I* enjoy doing. Most importantly, I'm making time for me. All this time, I thought I'd been living my life for myself. In hindsight, I realize that I've been living for everyone but me. And that's the problem. I can't live for my children. Or husband. Or relatives. Or friends. I have to live for Makita. Because I'm the only person who can live for me. And if I don't take care of myself, no one else will.

So I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm not Super Woman.