Popping Squats: The New Way to Communicate

So at the end of March, I was talking to coworkers and we were lamenting over how much we sit all day. On average, I work 10 hour days, come home and log on for another 2-3 hours, and I unwind by watching 1-2 hours of TV. So let's say 13* hours a day I'm sitting. 13 x 5 (work week), that's 65 hours I'm sitting during the work week. On average, I sleep about 5 hours during the week. That's 25 hours. So of the 120 hours during the week, in the time that I'm awake which is 95 hours, I'm sitting for 65 of those hours. Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK?! Right?!

That means I'm only actively moving for 30 hours a week! That's crazy! I know! So I was like "Bob, that's re-damn-diculous! We need to fix that". So we started joking around about silly shit we could do to move more. And my genius self said "we should pop squats after every email we send". Everybody was like "Yeah!!! That sounds AWESOME! Let's do it!!" So we all made a pact that we would start popping squats after every email sent starting April 7th. We pushed the start date until then because I was going on vacation the next week and we all wanted to start together. Solidarity and all that jazz.

So come Monday, April 7th, we were ALL psyched about our new get fit program. Bob kicked it off, then I went next, one by one we all got into the routine. Ain't none of think that shit through! Nope. We were so busy thinking about how awesome we were that nobody did the math on how many emails would equal squats. At first we were all like "woo!!! squat time!" then by that 10th squat we were dragging a bit. Then by the time we made it to our 20th squat, I was like fuck this shit. But guess what? It was only 9am. YES!!! Only one damn hour had passed. And I still had until 5pm?! Hell to the naw! My body was BURNING!! So I tried to get creative, every customer who emailed me I picked up the phone and called them right away instead of sending an email. Hell, customers who were like Makita, you can just email. I was like nah, let me upload it to your page and you'll be able to access it that way. For real, by 10am I was crying out for Mary, Jesus, and Joseph. Shoot, I was crying out for that little lamb that be in half them Jesus paintings.

Random, but doesn't Jared Leto now look like Funny Jesus?

By 11am, my manager came over and asked us what we were doing. She said we had never made this many phone calls ever. Shoot, we were all giving the best customer experience that day. No email was not important that day! So we went back to the drawing board and decided that 1 email = 1 squat was re-damn-diculous and that 5 emails = 2 squats. Much better, much more doable. So now, I'm averaging about 20-25 squats throughout the day while at work. Next month we move up to 5 emails = 4 squats. Cause you know, you gotta keep progressing.


*Also includes time I am sitting down to a meal/driving/activities generally performed sititng