Hypoglycemia...It's A Different World Than Where I Come From

So today, I spent the day on the sofa with Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert. This morning I was hit with a very nasty case of hypoglycemia. I had to fast for more blood work, ironically to determine where I am with my fight against pre-diabetes and the Vitamin D deficiency. After having my blood drawn, I went onto work and stopped in at the cafeteria and got a simple breakfast of some yogurt, eggs, and turkey bacon. I know you're thinking, what the hell Makita turkey bacon?! Yes, unfortunately the bacon at work is borderline disgusting so I generally go with turkey bacon because it's edible and actually tastes like food. Anyway, I didn't really think the whole fasting thing through. I had a super intensive Sunday with 3 hours of dance preceded by an hour walk. So I should have at the very least feasted like a damn king. But, I was so worried about my blood results that I had a light dinner, took my medicine for moderating my blood sugar, and called it a night. Big mistake. I woke up around 2am with a stomach ache but I didn't pay it much mind. I tend to not sleep well when my kids are with their dad anyway, so I chalked it up to anxiety and missing them and went back to sleep. Actually, I watched an episode of Modern Family and then went back to sleep.

So this morning at work, after all was said and done, I started feeling light headed and couldn't focus. My lovely coworker went and grabbed me some orange juice, but it didn't help. The next thing I know, I was sitting under my desk with my head between my legs trying not to hyperventilate. Yep, that freaked everybody out. So I went home. Actually, I was driven home by one of my people who freaked out the entire time and decided to take me to the Minute Clinic. $10 and 30 minutes later, I was told I was hypoglycemic and my iron was very low. Not surprised on the iron. I've always been very anemic thanks to my bitch of a uterus. But that's another story for another day. So armed with more orange juice and a plan to eat a bloody steak, I went home. Ate a delicious roast beef sandwich and promptly conked out. My sleep was terrible though. Apparently, low blood sugar also means whales will sprout legs and chase you through a land that is different shades of purple and the grass will also try to eat you. Crazy. Eventually, I woke up sweat drenched to the sound of my alarm blaring. So thankful I set the damn thing.

I spent the rest of the day munching on brisket and green beans brought over by coworkers and watching A Different World which is now on Hulu. Yes, lawd!!! I love that show. It's the reason why I chose to go to a HBCU instead of a regular college. Anyway, I'm tired so I'm going to wrap this up with I'm definitely feeling better emotionally since the last blog post. Got myself a handy dandy special friend to help me with that. And, I'm on my way to feeling better physically after today's episode.

It Hurts Not Just Emotionally, But Also Physically. And It Royally Sucks

I guess I should have seen this coming. The past few months have been a high. Not a crazy high, but a high nonetheless. But hindsight is always twenty/twenty, right? Today just sucks. The sad thing is the cause is all chemical. I didn't get hurt physically or emotionally. Nope. In fact, these past few months have been the best fucking times of my life. I'm happy. Period. I'm not arguing with my ex husband, stressed over finances, worried about my kids. My life is good. Yet, today I am struggling. I've been on the verge of losing my shit all day. At everyone. From my kids to my coworkers. I feel surrounded by annoying little people and grown up whiny bitches who won't LEAVE ME ALONE! My nerves are so raw, I'm like an open wound whose scab has been picked off several times. I just want to be left alone because it hurts. It hurts to be touched. It hurts to be asked "what's wrong". It hurts to have someone care. I'm emotionally exhausted.

I cannot cope with even friends trying to help me today. The usual after school/homework routine with my kids is just TOO MUCH today. I can't stop kicking myself over locking myself in my room the moment I got home. I went through a drive thru for the boys and then set the table and walked away. More than likely, because I know myself, I won't be leaving my room until it's time for them to go to bed. And even then, I'll wait until they are asleep to kiss them goodnight. Because the littlest thing is going to set me off. And I'm going to lose it because I just want to be left alone. I don't want to talk to my best friend. I don't want to be a good mom. I want to be good to myself and slink off into the darkest part of my closet and fall away from the world.

The worst part is I know all of my feelings today are justified. I can't help having a mental illness, but that doesn't mean I like it.

Never Be Bullied Into Silence

I ate today like I had no damn common sense or even control. But look, wait a minute! I've got good reason. And by good reason what I really mean is an excuse. Have I ever told you about my firstborn? The one who started it all? The one who made me want to be a better person? The one who made me finally feel complete? Yes, THAT firstborn. My baby made me SO proud today. I got an email from one of his teachers telling me how he stood up to peer pressure and turned in a student who brought a pocket knife to school. YES! My BABY did that! As a reward, I took him to Gattiland which is like Chuck E Cheese for Elementary to Middle School aged kids. Anyway, I lost my damn mind and ate like I had not a lick of common sense.

But enough about that, let me get back to my baby. Y'all, I truly just cannot tell you how proud I am. In this day and age where violence is touching every level of the school systems from Kindergarten to Graduate studies, I cannot help but be thankful for students like my son who help STOP violence before it can even happen. I grew up with the sentiment of "snitches get stitches" and I've had that talk with my boys. I always tell that that no matter what, always do what you feel in your heart to be the right thing. Even if it is unpopular because at the end of the day YOU are the one who has to live with that decision. And to NEVER be afraid to speak up. In fact, in our family room I have this quote framed:

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself. -Harvey Fierstein 

I am so thankful to have children who actually LISTEN to me and aren't just hearing me. It makes me feel like I am actually doing something right. Parenting is HARD! It ain't all Cosby Show and Malcolm in the Middle. Nope. There are lots of tears, sleepless nights, and heart pounding moments. And that's just on MY end. I truly just cannot tell you how proud I am of my son. I truly am. 

 

My brave boy

 

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/harveyfier101058.html#XpVuh7OobJTGhzH9.99

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/harveyfier101058.html#XpVuh7OobJTGhzH9.99

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”

Whoop Whoop! Pull Over, That Ass is Too Phat!!!

I am officially under 200lbs!!!! Yes ma'am! Yes sir! I've been doing the cabbage patch, kid n play, and the roger rabbit all day, every day since I hit the under 200lbs milestone. It's been a minute since I've seen this side of the scale. I'm always losing inches, but pounds are another story. It's like the fat loves sticking to my ass. And by ass, I mean other areas that are not my gluteus maximus. Oh, I've got the thickness, but I've got the thickness more in my thighs and my upper back (aka back fat). I hate that shit! But since it's unrealistic (and just plain stupid) to spot lose, I'm okay with losing all over. But you know what that's doing for me? It's making my ass look AMAZING!!!! No, for real, check it.

Yeah buddy, I'm doing the damn thang!

Less back fat + less you ain't pregnant no more belly = dammmmnnnnn girl!!!

I've been doing really well with the lifestyle change. I've also joined a gym which I held out on doing because I live in an apartment complex with a gym. But, I had to have a Come to Jesus meeting with myself. If I'm training for life (shout out to Bianca!) then I have to TRAIN FOR LIFE! I can't be half stepping! Yeah, I'm getting it in with Salsa and Bachata dancing and I'm walking daily and running twice a week. But I need to bring it with the weight lifting. Which I don't have access to. Yeah, I could do things like use a resistance band and buy some weights. But nah bruh, I ain't trying to do all that. Besides, I like going to the gym. I'm a notorious people watcher. So going to the gym feeds me on so many levels. It's keeping me fit, boosting my moods, and satisfying my nosiness. Sounds like a win if you ask me ;)

Life is Good

It's true, I can't deny it. Things just seem to have been truly happening for me lately. And, I truly believe with all my heart it's because I decided to make the move towards embracing life. By embracing life, I mean I gave up the negativity. I stopped focusing so much on the little things going wrong in my life and starting focusing that energy on everything that is going right. I woke up one day and sat with the silence. One of my besties loves to say "there is too much truth in silence and some people can't handle what they hear". She is SO right. I sat in my silence and just listened. I listened to all the negativity that was sucking the life out of me and deciding right then and there I was sick of that shit.

No more would I spend weekends alone, cooped up in the house. No more would I waste hours of my life arguing with my ex husband about his responsibilities to our children. No more would I let work drag me down and drain me so I couldn't enjoy my children. No more would I left my emotions make me turn towards food. No ma'am! No sir! I'm threw with that shit.

I made a pledge to myself to be more active. So I started taking dance classes and spending more time with friends. I even started back to volunteering and mentoring. I told myself to simply let my ex husband argue with himself. When he says slick shit or tries to pull a fast one, I simply ignore him. Though there are a few random times when I do give him good taste of sarcasm served with a side helping of STFU. But those moments have become far and few between. I simply focus on the boys now. I promised myself I would not be up until midnight working anymore. At 5pm, I shut down at the office and I stay shut down until 8am the next day. And don't let it be a Friday! Cause sir you will get the "I'm currently out of the office and I will return your call/respond to your email when I return." Lastly, I exposed Otis Spunkmeyer for who he really is. A delicious muffin that hates me! Him and his homegirl Little Debbie ain't got no love for me. So I ain't got no love for them. Nope! And I kicked their cousin Coca-Cola to the curb too.

I've got a new attitude!

Somehow the wires uncrossed, the tables were turned
Never knew I had such a lesson to learn
I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
Know where I'm goin' and I know what to do
I tidied up my point of view

Yes ma'am!!!! Yes sir!!!! I am enjoying life!!!!!!!