So remember last week or the week before where I said I was going to walk every day? Well, I've been doing it. Either by walking to Wal-greens or Wal-mart. Or jumping on the treadmill. Apparently, that gave me a big head. Yep. Cause now I'm pretty sure I've either lost my mind or I'm just plain bat shit crazy. Wait, isn't that the same thing? Nah. Losing my mind is normal kind of crazy. And bat shit crazy is Michelle Bachmann crazy. And I don't think I'm quite Michelle Bachmann crazy.
So anyway, I was browsing one of the messageboards I frequent and saw a challenge that asks one to challenge their self by logging the exact number of miles either through walking/biking/running/etc that equals the distance of Virginia Beach to San Diego. 2,740 miles. I was intrigued and inspired. I love challenges! Especially when the challenge gives me some kind of glory. I can't remember what or if there is a prize for hitting the miles, but dammit I want the bragging rights! I want to be at the club (ha!) and casually drop that into a conversation. "Oh me? Well, I walked the exact number of miles it would take to get to San Diego from Virginia Beach." To then which said people I was talking to would all stop what their doing to admire me.
The challenge runs from May 1st to Dec 31st, midnight. That is 245 days to walk 2,740 miles. That's just over 11 miles a day. 11 miles. 11 MILES!!!! Do you hear me? ELEVEN MILES!!! Sweet jenkins! I don't know ouhow the hell I will log 11 miles a day. And if you're thinking "aren't there people who run like 11 miles a day or more?", I'm telling you right now, keep that information to yourself! I don't want to hear it. Seriously. Not really.
One way or another I am going to log 11 miles a day. And I plan to look drop dead gorgeous with an ass that is perfect by the time Dec. 31st hits. That's right, I'm going to be dropping it like it hot ringing in 2013. Especially since I am adding strength training to my fitness plan. I'm about to have an ass like Pam from Martin and arms like Michelle Obama. Yes ma'am!
So the way I am devising this right now in my head is to walk 5 miles by hitting Barnes and Noble. Wal-mart is 2 miles from my home and Barnes and Noble is 2.6 miles. So a trip to and from in the morning will equal over 5 miles for starters. And in the evenings either bike with the boys for 3 miles and then hit the treadmill in my gym for another 3. And every now and then mix things up with roller skating. If I can manage my time wisely, I can probably walk and bike with my youngest while the older two are at school. I'll just have to be realistic while we're in Barnes and Nobles and not get lost in the aisles. Somehow I'll figure this all out.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Feet Don't Fail Me Now!
So last night I was talking to a friend from childhood about weightloss and how I can't seem to get active and STAY active. I'm not going to lie, I'm a workout groupie. What's a workout groupie? Well, like a regular groupie (minus all the nasty stuff) a workout groupie wants all of the end results (the kickass body, amazing abs, tight booty, etc), but doesn't want to put in the WORK required to get the end results. Okay, that's not fair. I always BUY DVDs, equipment, accessories, etc with the intention of sticking to the routine, but somewhere down the road I get bored and/or lazy. So I stop. So anyway back to what I was saying, talking to my friend I realized just how much walking I used to do. Having no car will do that. So I decided to challenge myself to put away the car keys and to break out my legs. Yep, my two trusty friends who have been with me since birth. Who have stumbled with me and stood tall with me.
The challenge? Walk every day for at least an hour. AND instead of jumping in my car to go to Walmart or Target or any of the stores close to my house, walk there. Now this doesn't mean to do this for trips that require large purchases, but for little ones. Like do I really need to get in my car to return a Redbox DVD or pick up paper towels? No. That's just me being a lazy fat ass. Armed with nothing but my boy in his stroller, 2 bottles of water, an iPod, and a little towel.
Today turned out to be day 1. I just knew I would walk it with no trouble at all. WRONG! All kinds of shit went wrong. Well, not wrong, but not exactly right either.
So my son and I left the house today at 10:00am, but then turned around because we forgot the iPod...and the mailbox key...and the water...and the sunglasses. So after we got all that together (but not the sunglasses because I couldn't find them, more on that later) we finally left at 10:24. Then I realized something, we only had one iPod. One iPod.....ONE iPOD. Let that sink in for a minute. See the problem? I wanted to get my fitness jam on, he wanted to watch Cars. No big deal, I could hang without music. I could just hum or something. Right? WRONG! At first it wasn't a big deal, I was humming along, feeling great. We had just gotten started and were descending down the first hill near my apartments. A breeze.
Until we came to our first empty field. Full of flowers. Now my son was all good in his stroller, enjoying his movie, sipping his water. Me, on the other hand? I was all kinds of fucked up. The flowers assaulted me like I had stolen their lunch money. I had gone too far to turn around and get some Claritin for myself. I told myself it wasn't that bad. A few sneezes wouldn't kill me. I made it through the first field, then the second, then the third, but the fourth field...that one KILLED me! I sneezed so much I had to stop to catch my breath. But I kept pushing on because Wal-greens was in sight. A few minutes later, we made it to Wal-greens where I returned our Redbox movies, took a few sips of water, and then carried on. You would think that since I was at a PHARMACY and had just survived a brutal attack by flowers I would, I don't know, GO INSIDE AND GET SOME CLARITIN!!! Nope, not my dumb ass. I didn't want to spend money on something I knew I already had at home. Right...apparently, that logic is very selective because that's not how it went down at Wal-mart.
So renewed with some water and a quick rest, we moved onto Wal-mart. This time we had to pass by a few businesses, KFC (barf), Wendys (mmm...frosties!), H-E-B (I wouldn't shop there to save my life), and a few other places. No problem. The terrain was flat so it was all good. Hell, I even starting singing the lyrics to Notorious Thugs by Bone, Thugs, N Harmony, and Biggie Smalls (I was really surprised cause I haven't heard that song in years). But then came what almost became the death of me. A hill. The incline was probably about 60 degrees, not too bad, but goodness I wasn't ready for it. It is so much different when you drive in a car.
But I refused to be defeated, I could see Wal-mart in front of me. I started hyping myself up. "Girl, you got this. You GOT this!" It was all good. WRONG! Alongside that hill was another field. But then I realized it was the field where the cows graze. So I got excited because I would get to see cows. Nope. No cows. Apparently, they were grazing somewhere else because they weren't around. Instead, it was another field of fucking flowers. I sneezed so bad at one point, I saw little stars and my head started pounding. I'm sure at this point I looked like a scene from out of the Walking Dead. Blood shot eyes, saliva dripping from my chin, staggering around. Miserable.
But once I made it over that hill, I was home free! Wal-mart was just on the other side. I was just a few feet from victory. In just a few minutes, I would burst through the doors into it's icy cold goodness, have a long swallow of water, and get those damn paper towels that had started this horrific decent into hell.
Finally, I made it. Victory. Sweet. Victory.
I walked inside, mentally high fiving myself and then I stopped. It was hotter than a mofo in Wal-mart. WTF?! I was NOT amused. Really, Wal-mart? You couldn't turn on the damn air?! I told myself to just shake it off and go walk through the freezer section. On my way there, I ran into my "Jake Ryan" (who? google it and Sixteen Candles). Damn. No, not damn. FUCK!!!!!!!!!! Double fuck!!!!
I am secretly in love with this man. Okay, not in love. But I am seriously crushing on him. I see him and I get giggly, and my knees get weak, and he says my name and my heart flutters. I've been digging him for almost a year now. I met him last year when I moved here and goodness he is just so sexy. So anyway, he sees me (looking like death warmed over) and says hey. He asks me if I'm okay. "You look a little worn down". I blushed and told him I had walked here. He says oh really? and asks me how far. So I looked down at my pedometer and said (casually like I wasn't in a hurry to get to the freezer section) "oh just 2 miles or so". Yeah, I said that shit all carefree like it was nothing, like it was something I did every day. Well, he said he was impressed and started telling me about his fitness routine. I may or may not have been picturing him naked while he described his routine. He asked me what section I was heading to and I didn't want to tell him that I was headed to rub my body against the frozen broccoli and carrots, so I said I was headed to Electronics to look for another iPod. So he walked back with me and we started talking music. It was nice. It was fun. It was awesome. If only I hadn't been covered in sweat and looking grimy. But oh well, it went much better than the last time I had saw him. So after 20 minutes we parted ways. He went back to work and I pretended interest in iPods before I headed over to the freezer section.
So remember that logic I have of hating to buy something I already have at home? Yeah, neither did I when I was in Wal-mart. I bought a new fanny pack (what? I gotta carry my stuff in something!) and another pedometer. Even though I have one that I was WEARING that works perfectly fine. Yeah, I just wanted a newer one for some stupid reason. And I bought some sunglasses. Yep. Money well wasted. LOL.
The trip home was less eventful as we walked on the opposite side of the street. This side is well manicured because it's where all of the Dell buildings are and the Sears call center is. So less fields to walk by meant less sneezes.
So I made it through today's walk. Absolutely crazy, but I did it. Now the real challenge will be doing it all again tomorrow.
The challenge? Walk every day for at least an hour. AND instead of jumping in my car to go to Walmart or Target or any of the stores close to my house, walk there. Now this doesn't mean to do this for trips that require large purchases, but for little ones. Like do I really need to get in my car to return a Redbox DVD or pick up paper towels? No. That's just me being a lazy fat ass. Armed with nothing but my boy in his stroller, 2 bottles of water, an iPod, and a little towel.
Today turned out to be day 1. I just knew I would walk it with no trouble at all. WRONG! All kinds of shit went wrong. Well, not wrong, but not exactly right either.
So my son and I left the house today at 10:00am, but then turned around because we forgot the iPod...and the mailbox key...and the water...and the sunglasses. So after we got all that together (but not the sunglasses because I couldn't find them, more on that later) we finally left at 10:24. Then I realized something, we only had one iPod. One iPod.....ONE iPOD. Let that sink in for a minute. See the problem? I wanted to get my fitness jam on, he wanted to watch Cars. No big deal, I could hang without music. I could just hum or something. Right? WRONG! At first it wasn't a big deal, I was humming along, feeling great. We had just gotten started and were descending down the first hill near my apartments. A breeze.
Until we came to our first empty field. Full of flowers. Now my son was all good in his stroller, enjoying his movie, sipping his water. Me, on the other hand? I was all kinds of fucked up. The flowers assaulted me like I had stolen their lunch money. I had gone too far to turn around and get some Claritin for myself. I told myself it wasn't that bad. A few sneezes wouldn't kill me. I made it through the first field, then the second, then the third, but the fourth field...that one KILLED me! I sneezed so much I had to stop to catch my breath. But I kept pushing on because Wal-greens was in sight. A few minutes later, we made it to Wal-greens where I returned our Redbox movies, took a few sips of water, and then carried on. You would think that since I was at a PHARMACY and had just survived a brutal attack by flowers I would, I don't know, GO INSIDE AND GET SOME CLARITIN!!! Nope, not my dumb ass. I didn't want to spend money on something I knew I already had at home. Right...apparently, that logic is very selective because that's not how it went down at Wal-mart.
So renewed with some water and a quick rest, we moved onto Wal-mart. This time we had to pass by a few businesses, KFC (barf), Wendys (mmm...frosties!), H-E-B (I wouldn't shop there to save my life), and a few other places. No problem. The terrain was flat so it was all good. Hell, I even starting singing the lyrics to Notorious Thugs by Bone, Thugs, N Harmony, and Biggie Smalls (I was really surprised cause I haven't heard that song in years). But then came what almost became the death of me. A hill. The incline was probably about 60 degrees, not too bad, but goodness I wasn't ready for it. It is so much different when you drive in a car.
But I refused to be defeated, I could see Wal-mart in front of me. I started hyping myself up. "Girl, you got this. You GOT this!" It was all good. WRONG! Alongside that hill was another field. But then I realized it was the field where the cows graze. So I got excited because I would get to see cows. Nope. No cows. Apparently, they were grazing somewhere else because they weren't around. Instead, it was another field of fucking flowers. I sneezed so bad at one point, I saw little stars and my head started pounding. I'm sure at this point I looked like a scene from out of the Walking Dead. Blood shot eyes, saliva dripping from my chin, staggering around. Miserable.
But once I made it over that hill, I was home free! Wal-mart was just on the other side. I was just a few feet from victory. In just a few minutes, I would burst through the doors into it's icy cold goodness, have a long swallow of water, and get those damn paper towels that had started this horrific decent into hell.
Finally, I made it. Victory. Sweet. Victory.
I walked inside, mentally high fiving myself and then I stopped. It was hotter than a mofo in Wal-mart. WTF?! I was NOT amused. Really, Wal-mart? You couldn't turn on the damn air?! I told myself to just shake it off and go walk through the freezer section. On my way there, I ran into my "Jake Ryan" (who? google it and Sixteen Candles). Damn. No, not damn. FUCK!!!!!!!!!! Double fuck!!!!
I am secretly in love with this man. Okay, not in love. But I am seriously crushing on him. I see him and I get giggly, and my knees get weak, and he says my name and my heart flutters. I've been digging him for almost a year now. I met him last year when I moved here and goodness he is just so sexy. So anyway, he sees me (looking like death warmed over) and says hey. He asks me if I'm okay. "You look a little worn down". I blushed and told him I had walked here. He says oh really? and asks me how far. So I looked down at my pedometer and said (casually like I wasn't in a hurry to get to the freezer section) "oh just 2 miles or so". Yeah, I said that shit all carefree like it was nothing, like it was something I did every day. Well, he said he was impressed and started telling me about his fitness routine. I may or may not have been picturing him naked while he described his routine. He asked me what section I was heading to and I didn't want to tell him that I was headed to rub my body against the frozen broccoli and carrots, so I said I was headed to Electronics to look for another iPod. So he walked back with me and we started talking music. It was nice. It was fun. It was awesome. If only I hadn't been covered in sweat and looking grimy. But oh well, it went much better than the last time I had saw him. So after 20 minutes we parted ways. He went back to work and I pretended interest in iPods before I headed over to the freezer section.
So remember that logic I have of hating to buy something I already have at home? Yeah, neither did I when I was in Wal-mart. I bought a new fanny pack (what? I gotta carry my stuff in something!) and another pedometer. Even though I have one that I was WEARING that works perfectly fine. Yeah, I just wanted a newer one for some stupid reason. And I bought some sunglasses. Yep. Money well wasted. LOL.
The trip home was less eventful as we walked on the opposite side of the street. This side is well manicured because it's where all of the Dell buildings are and the Sears call center is. So less fields to walk by meant less sneezes.
So I made it through today's walk. Absolutely crazy, but I did it. Now the real challenge will be doing it all again tomorrow.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I'm a Coward and Proud of It
Rarely does an article stick in my craw the way this one has. This morning I read this article on whether it is cowardly or courageous to stay in a marriage after infidelity. Thankfully, I read it after I had eaten my breakfast. Had I read it during or before breakfast, I would have lost my appetite. I'm not going to lie, it does take a special kind of person with a lot of personal strength to stay in a marriage after infidelity, I am not one of those kind of people.
To me, there are three types of cheating. Cheating is cheating, but I do classify them differently. And for the story's sake, I'm going to talk about all three from the hetero relationship sense but only because that's my experience.
1. The quickie fuck up- Nobody is perfect. Nobody. And I know a few men who are completely devoted to their wives, but who have fallen and made this mistake. For those of you Sex in the City fans, think back to Steve and Miranda and how he fucked up and had sex with some random chick. Now, call me crazy (especially since it's a fictional show) but I truly believed Steve and felt bad for him (as I have felt bad for my real-life male friends who slipped up). These guys are truly sorry and it truly was a mistake. Not something they sat around plotting and trying to cover up. No, they all went to their wives and spoke up. Not months or years later. Or when they thought they were dying. But, nope immediately. And yeah, part of it was selfish because they wanted to relieve themselves of their guilt. But also in part because they didn't want to keep something like this a secret that would only damage their marriages further. It might be too much to call them courageous because they spoke up, but they damn sure get a 1/2 of a gold star for being honest. Could I personally stay with a man who pulled the quickie fuck up? Honestly, I don't know. I want to say yes, but truthfully there are a lot of factors involved. In situations like this though, I don't believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater" story. So I'll say maybe. For what it's worth, those I know who cheated are still with their wives and from what I can tell, forgiveness has been granted and they are happier couples.
2. The double-dicking dog™- Again, nobody is perfect. Now the double-dicking dog* is NOT the same as the quickie fuck up cheater. No, this is the serial cheater. Yeah, you know the one. These guys are NOT sorry. They're just sorry pieces of crap who will bang anything that moves. These are the guys I suggest every woman should run from. Ironically enough, I've met several of these disgusting bastards in just the past few weeks. One of them was bold enough to tell me "I'm an honest, deceitful man. Yes, I cheat on my wife. And I want to cheat with you." Yes, this mofo was just that bold. I wanted to knock him out so bad and had to exercise great restraint not to do so. The blatant disrespect he was showing his wife and me was outrageous. These kind of men make me sick. Could I personally stay with a man who pulled this shit? Hell to the no! And I honestly think any woman who knowingly puts up with this kind of behavior is a damn fool. The "but I want to keep my family together" line or whatever is bullshit. It's more harmful to children to stay in a marriage that is full of lies and deceit than in a single household that is full of happiness and honesty. I don't know why people think children are stupid. Let me tell you something. They're not. Is it courageous to stay in a marriage like? You say courage, I saw coward. This is the epitome of "once a cheater, always a cheater".
3. The affair- I've said it once, I'll say it again: nobody is perfect. Yes, we all make mistakes, but some mistakes hurt more than anything. This kind of cheater is a master manipulator. These are the ones who lead the double life. Trust me, I know. They have affairs that can go on for weeks, months, even years. You think you've married someone that you know really well and wake up one morning to find that you don't know who the hell you married. These are not the quickie fuck up cheaters nor the double-dicking dog cheaters. No, these cheaters take great care not to be found out. And when their secrets do come to light, they do everything in their power to make YOU feel like you're the one at fault. Like you caused them to cheat. They feign remorse and regret. And, they may very well be sorry... Sorry they got caught. Cause I'll tell you this, these men don't think they'll be caught. Especially, the longer it goes on. They get a secret thrill out of having their cake and eating it too. Cause if they were sorry, they wouldn't be actively doing it. I believe a man can make a mistake and cheat once (see the quickie fuck up). But I do NOT believe a man accidentally falls into an affair. Hell no. That requires plotting and covering up. Especially, when the two start sharing a life together. Affairs are NOT mistakes.
So these my are classification of cheaters. Now the article I mentioned earlier basically said its courageous to stay in a marriage after infidelity. I call bullshit. Now I'm not taking about the quickie fuck up anymore because like I said that's something different. So just put that one on the back burner, because from here on out I'm talking about #2 and #3. Staying in a marriage after these two scenarios is NOT courageous, it's crazy. I'm personally offended by the article (if you hadn't already noticed) because I AM COURAGEOUS. Americans are so caught up in fucking statistics and what others think that we box ourselves into these images of what we think we're supposed to do. Fuck statistics and fuck that. I am part of this so-called fifty percent of marriages that end in divorce. SO?! AND?! What the fuck does that even mean? Is my life somewhat less important or demeaning now? Does this mean I am destined to live a life of unhappiness and raise future hoodlums? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit!!!
Riddle me this Batman. How can it be courageous to stay in a marriage that is already over? Now, let me back up and acknowledge that there are couples that stay together and go on to be better than ever. Good for them, here's a cookie. But let's keep it real. There are those who do divorce. Not because (as the article suggests) we don't care about the sanctity of marriage or want to force our children into a life of two household. And, definitely not because we are narcissistic freaks who are crushed because our partner couldn't hold to our selfish, crazy demand of monogamy. NO. We divorce because we value ourselves. We value our happiness and the happiness of our children. What is so wrong with wanting to be happy?! Somebody explain to me how staying in a marriage that was already over (oh yes, it was over the moment the other partner decided to break their vow) and start double-dicking or have an affair can be courageous? Do you think those of who divorced didn't fight for our marriage?! That divorce was a simple case of us throwing in the towel and washing our hands of it? No boo, let me break it down for you.
My name is not Kim Khardashian or Britney Spears or whoever else had a quickie marriage. No. My marriage lasted for eight years. Eight years in which I was happy. In which I thought everything was gravy. We had three beautiful kids, and a home full of love. Did we argue? Yeah, sometimes. But never to the point of me thinking something was wrong. Did we work on our marriage? Absolutely. Or at least I did. Because I knew marriage wasn't the big white dress with a fancy party. No, it was constantly a work in progress. So to hear that I "walked away" from my marriage because of infidelity is bullshit. How could I have ended something that was already over? It was over the moment his affair started. Yes, affair. It wasn't a Steve and Miranda issue. No, it was a full blown affair. Do you think I rushed down to the court house? No. I went back and forth for months on the issue of divorce. I am a child of divorce so I know first hand what its like to be shuffled between two households. But it wasn't only my children I had to think about. I had to think about myself first. Because when it comes down to it. How can I be a good mother to my children if I was hurting them by staying in a marriage that was making me physically ill. My babies are not fools. All their lives I have been the most active person in their lives. Catch, basketball, wrestling, running, bike riding, etc. So to see me struggling to get out of bed, not eating, not showering, etc was taxing on them. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to realize your 7 year old knows all of the words to The Scripts' Break Even or Mary J. Blige's Not Gone Cry? Guess what? I know.
It took a lot of courage for me to say "Enough, I'm threw with this shit" and file for divorce. It took a lot of courage for me to say "Okay, I'm going to be a single mom and I can do this". You think its easy being a single mom? Oh really? Well come walk your ass a mile in my shoes and then lets see how easy you think it is then. And I'm not just talking about the aspect of having to physically care for them. Oh no, when you make that decision, you also make the decision to take on the bulk of helping them deal with the transition of living with only one parent while you yourself are trying to come to terms with the decision yourself. Its not easy. Not to mention the financial aspect of it. Going from a lifestyle where you work because you want to to a lifestyle where you work because you now have to is quite a shock. Trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents is stressful So trust me, this whole its cowardly to walk away is bullshit.
So yeah, if I'm a coward because I made the decision after fighting for months to keep my marriage then whatever. If I'm a coward because I made the decision to walk away from a marriage that was hurting me physically, emotionally, and mentally then I wear the title with honor. If I'm a coward because I made the decision to raise my children in a single household full of love, laughter, and good times then I'm proud of myself. My household is now a statistic. And guess what? This coward doesn't give a fuck.
Oh yeah, this coward is fucking fabulous too!
*side note: I trade marked this phrase. That's right, it's ALL mine! So use it with care because I will sue if I have to, lol.
To me, there are three types of cheating. Cheating is cheating, but I do classify them differently. And for the story's sake, I'm going to talk about all three from the hetero relationship sense but only because that's my experience.
1. The quickie fuck up- Nobody is perfect. Nobody. And I know a few men who are completely devoted to their wives, but who have fallen and made this mistake. For those of you Sex in the City fans, think back to Steve and Miranda and how he fucked up and had sex with some random chick. Now, call me crazy (especially since it's a fictional show) but I truly believed Steve and felt bad for him (as I have felt bad for my real-life male friends who slipped up). These guys are truly sorry and it truly was a mistake. Not something they sat around plotting and trying to cover up. No, they all went to their wives and spoke up. Not months or years later. Or when they thought they were dying. But, nope immediately. And yeah, part of it was selfish because they wanted to relieve themselves of their guilt. But also in part because they didn't want to keep something like this a secret that would only damage their marriages further. It might be too much to call them courageous because they spoke up, but they damn sure get a 1/2 of a gold star for being honest. Could I personally stay with a man who pulled the quickie fuck up? Honestly, I don't know. I want to say yes, but truthfully there are a lot of factors involved. In situations like this though, I don't believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater" story. So I'll say maybe. For what it's worth, those I know who cheated are still with their wives and from what I can tell, forgiveness has been granted and they are happier couples.
2. The double-dicking dog™- Again, nobody is perfect. Now the double-dicking dog* is NOT the same as the quickie fuck up cheater. No, this is the serial cheater. Yeah, you know the one. These guys are NOT sorry. They're just sorry pieces of crap who will bang anything that moves. These are the guys I suggest every woman should run from. Ironically enough, I've met several of these disgusting bastards in just the past few weeks. One of them was bold enough to tell me "I'm an honest, deceitful man. Yes, I cheat on my wife. And I want to cheat with you." Yes, this mofo was just that bold. I wanted to knock him out so bad and had to exercise great restraint not to do so. The blatant disrespect he was showing his wife and me was outrageous. These kind of men make me sick. Could I personally stay with a man who pulled this shit? Hell to the no! And I honestly think any woman who knowingly puts up with this kind of behavior is a damn fool. The "but I want to keep my family together" line or whatever is bullshit. It's more harmful to children to stay in a marriage that is full of lies and deceit than in a single household that is full of happiness and honesty. I don't know why people think children are stupid. Let me tell you something. They're not. Is it courageous to stay in a marriage like? You say courage, I saw coward. This is the epitome of "once a cheater, always a cheater".
3. The affair- I've said it once, I'll say it again: nobody is perfect. Yes, we all make mistakes, but some mistakes hurt more than anything. This kind of cheater is a master manipulator. These are the ones who lead the double life. Trust me, I know. They have affairs that can go on for weeks, months, even years. You think you've married someone that you know really well and wake up one morning to find that you don't know who the hell you married. These are not the quickie fuck up cheaters nor the double-dicking dog cheaters. No, these cheaters take great care not to be found out. And when their secrets do come to light, they do everything in their power to make YOU feel like you're the one at fault. Like you caused them to cheat. They feign remorse and regret. And, they may very well be sorry... Sorry they got caught. Cause I'll tell you this, these men don't think they'll be caught. Especially, the longer it goes on. They get a secret thrill out of having their cake and eating it too. Cause if they were sorry, they wouldn't be actively doing it. I believe a man can make a mistake and cheat once (see the quickie fuck up). But I do NOT believe a man accidentally falls into an affair. Hell no. That requires plotting and covering up. Especially, when the two start sharing a life together. Affairs are NOT mistakes.
So these my are classification of cheaters. Now the article I mentioned earlier basically said its courageous to stay in a marriage after infidelity. I call bullshit. Now I'm not taking about the quickie fuck up anymore because like I said that's something different. So just put that one on the back burner, because from here on out I'm talking about #2 and #3. Staying in a marriage after these two scenarios is NOT courageous, it's crazy. I'm personally offended by the article (if you hadn't already noticed) because I AM COURAGEOUS. Americans are so caught up in fucking statistics and what others think that we box ourselves into these images of what we think we're supposed to do. Fuck statistics and fuck that. I am part of this so-called fifty percent of marriages that end in divorce. SO?! AND?! What the fuck does that even mean? Is my life somewhat less important or demeaning now? Does this mean I am destined to live a life of unhappiness and raise future hoodlums? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit!!!
Riddle me this Batman. How can it be courageous to stay in a marriage that is already over? Now, let me back up and acknowledge that there are couples that stay together and go on to be better than ever. Good for them, here's a cookie. But let's keep it real. There are those who do divorce. Not because (as the article suggests) we don't care about the sanctity of marriage or want to force our children into a life of two household. And, definitely not because we are narcissistic freaks who are crushed because our partner couldn't hold to our selfish, crazy demand of monogamy. NO. We divorce because we value ourselves. We value our happiness and the happiness of our children. What is so wrong with wanting to be happy?! Somebody explain to me how staying in a marriage that was already over (oh yes, it was over the moment the other partner decided to break their vow) and start double-dicking or have an affair can be courageous? Do you think those of who divorced didn't fight for our marriage?! That divorce was a simple case of us throwing in the towel and washing our hands of it? No boo, let me break it down for you.
My name is not Kim Khardashian or Britney Spears or whoever else had a quickie marriage. No. My marriage lasted for eight years. Eight years in which I was happy. In which I thought everything was gravy. We had three beautiful kids, and a home full of love. Did we argue? Yeah, sometimes. But never to the point of me thinking something was wrong. Did we work on our marriage? Absolutely. Or at least I did. Because I knew marriage wasn't the big white dress with a fancy party. No, it was constantly a work in progress. So to hear that I "walked away" from my marriage because of infidelity is bullshit. How could I have ended something that was already over? It was over the moment his affair started. Yes, affair. It wasn't a Steve and Miranda issue. No, it was a full blown affair. Do you think I rushed down to the court house? No. I went back and forth for months on the issue of divorce. I am a child of divorce so I know first hand what its like to be shuffled between two households. But it wasn't only my children I had to think about. I had to think about myself first. Because when it comes down to it. How can I be a good mother to my children if I was hurting them by staying in a marriage that was making me physically ill. My babies are not fools. All their lives I have been the most active person in their lives. Catch, basketball, wrestling, running, bike riding, etc. So to see me struggling to get out of bed, not eating, not showering, etc was taxing on them. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to realize your 7 year old knows all of the words to The Scripts' Break Even or Mary J. Blige's Not Gone Cry? Guess what? I know.
It took a lot of courage for me to say "Enough, I'm threw with this shit" and file for divorce. It took a lot of courage for me to say "Okay, I'm going to be a single mom and I can do this". You think its easy being a single mom? Oh really? Well come walk your ass a mile in my shoes and then lets see how easy you think it is then. And I'm not just talking about the aspect of having to physically care for them. Oh no, when you make that decision, you also make the decision to take on the bulk of helping them deal with the transition of living with only one parent while you yourself are trying to come to terms with the decision yourself. Its not easy. Not to mention the financial aspect of it. Going from a lifestyle where you work because you want to to a lifestyle where you work because you now have to is quite a shock. Trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents is stressful So trust me, this whole its cowardly to walk away is bullshit.
So yeah, if I'm a coward because I made the decision after fighting for months to keep my marriage then whatever. If I'm a coward because I made the decision to walk away from a marriage that was hurting me physically, emotionally, and mentally then I wear the title with honor. If I'm a coward because I made the decision to raise my children in a single household full of love, laughter, and good times then I'm proud of myself. My household is now a statistic. And guess what? This coward doesn't give a fuck.
Oh yeah, this coward is fucking fabulous too!
*side note: I trade marked this phrase. That's right, it's ALL mine! So use it with care because I will sue if I have to, lol.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Happy Birthday Patrick
It's not quite his birthday, but I'm already celebrating. On Oct 22, 2008 at 8:01am, Patrick Anthony Johnson shared himself with the rest of the world. I, of course, had had the honor of having an exclusive relationship with him for about nine months prior to his arrival. And, man I tell you it was a crazy nine month ride. He was the one child who gave me morning sickness, made my boobs feel like watermelons, and put me through that whole "I'm so nauseous I can't eat, but damn I'm starving" period. How this kid didn't come out the womb asking "where's the beef?" is beyond me. I literally craved cows. When we moved back to Texas, I would go outside and stare at the cows that lived in the field across from our home and think about how tasty they were. Ha ha! My Patty whack is turning 3 tomorrow. I can't believe it.
Why? I never imagined myself with 3 kids...let alone 3 boys. But let me keep it real for a moment, I never expected myself to have even ONE child. Yet, here I am with 3. So after I had Cameron and Sean, I just knew I was done. But then...a few years later I just had to have one more. And viola! My Patrick is now here.
I put together this video for him. He is currently in love with this song by David Guetta with Usher called Without You. He loves, loves, LOVES this song. His little head starts bopping and his booty shaking. So I took some of my favorite pictures of him and laid the track over it. Ha ha, look at me sounding all studio like.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Girlfriend, Where You Been?
It's been a long, LONG time. And, while it's not unusual for me to take a hiatus from blogging, it is unusual for me to shut down my blog and take it off the market. Some of you inquired to find out what happened. Some of you didn't. Some didn't even notice. LOL. No worries.
So where did I go? I was busy getting my shit together. A lot has happened. A LOT. I needed to take some time and get my life back on track. Well....I shouldn't say back on track. It's not like my life jumped the tracks and derailed. No, I just need to get myself better organized. And, I couldn't stay focused because I had so much going on. So I cut out the little things I didn't really need to be focusing on. But, it's all good now.
I've since moved to Austin since my last post. Actually, it's Round Rock or "the Rock" as some people call it. I just call it the place I live. The boys have gotten so big. Cameron is almost 9, Sean is 7, and Patrick will be 3 tomorrow. I know! I can't believe it either. So why did I move? My job offered me a better position so I took it. It's been a great move for us. The boys are happy and that's a big factor for me. I'd be lying if I said I loved here...I'm trying to. But I miss my friends. Oh well, that's life.
So basically, I've been living my life.
So where did I go? I was busy getting my shit together. A lot has happened. A LOT. I needed to take some time and get my life back on track. Well....I shouldn't say back on track. It's not like my life jumped the tracks and derailed. No, I just need to get myself better organized. And, I couldn't stay focused because I had so much going on. So I cut out the little things I didn't really need to be focusing on. But, it's all good now.
I've since moved to Austin since my last post. Actually, it's Round Rock or "the Rock" as some people call it. I just call it the place I live. The boys have gotten so big. Cameron is almost 9, Sean is 7, and Patrick will be 3 tomorrow. I know! I can't believe it either. So why did I move? My job offered me a better position so I took it. It's been a great move for us. The boys are happy and that's a big factor for me. I'd be lying if I said I loved here...I'm trying to. But I miss my friends. Oh well, that's life.
So basically, I've been living my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
