I Know Why I Run, I Know Why I Run With a Group

So today, I had that moment. That moment that most of us who run with a group experience at least once or twice or even a whole bunch of times when they run with a group. That "this is why I run with a group" moment. Today, I did the Walk Run Lead 5K with my run group, Black Girls Run. I came in last, dead last. Let that sink in for a moment. It hit me right around mile 2 that I wouldn't be finishing within my normal time frame of 40 minutes or so. And, I wanted to cry. This wasn't my first 5K, but my body was acting like it. There weren't a lot of participants so it was very clear to me that I was behind. Way behind.

There was one other woman (not with BGR) left on the trail. We were both keeping an eye on each other, slowing down, speeding up, staying in it together. Her name was Martina and she had been left behind by her husband. We quickly bonded and at that point, I stopped giving a damn about not hitting my time. We talked, we laughed, we commiserated. We enjoyed ourselves. We finished together, holding hands, laughing and smiling. We finished strong, we finished together with the help of my BGR sisters. Keisha came back and walked the last leg of the run with us. Ayeesha was at the finish line waiting. Others all greeted me when I made it over to where they were, telling me how good a job I did.

My group (along with Martina) made me feel good about my run. It wasn't about how fast I went or how long it took. It was about the fact that I made the commitment to complete it and stuck with it. It was the fact that I got my ass up on a Saturday morning at a quarter to dark thirty and went out for the run. I know who I am. I know that if I hadn't had my girls supporting me out there, I would have cried on my drive home, mad at myself for not being able to get out of my own head. It's funny because I was just talking with one of the girls before the race about how I left a different run group because I didn't feel supported. Whenever I would drag in last, no one was cheering me on for finishing. No one came back to run it out with me. No one smiled and patted me on the back. Instead, I felt judged and guilty for holding everybody up. There were many days I left that run group on the verge of tears because I felt like the kid in PE class that everyone groaned about when that kid was put on their team.

I didn't feel that way today. I've never felt that way with BGR! Whether they're cheering me on virtually or in person, they've got my back. I smiled on the way home as I thought of all the girls who passed me on the run cheering me on and giving me thumbs up. From "the turnaround is just up there" to "you got this girl" to the "keep it going chica" to the "get it girl", I felt loved and supported. I felt happy to be a part of this group. Even when I saw other BGR girls who weren't running the race, but were getting in their own runs, they encouraged me to keep going too.

That level of support is why I run in a group. That level of support is why I left smiling. That level of support is why I didn't feel like a failure. Because, I'm not. I'm an amazing woman and those women made me feel every ounce of that amazing today. These incredibly awesome women helped me learn how to be okay with where I finished and be proud of the fact that I finished.