Why Having Gay Friends Is Not Okay With Me

So I've been meaning to blog this for awhile, along with some other stuff, but I kept getting side tracked. And since I was on tonight blogging about the challenge I joined to walk 2,740 miles in 245 days, I figured why the hell not.

So let's get something clear right now before anyone jumps off the deep end and calls me homophobic. I'm not. But I sure as hell do sound homophobic at times. Say what?! But Makita! You LOVE gay people!

I do. I can't deny it. From my uncle to some of my besties to the Fab 5. Love them!

So if I love them how do I sound homophobic at times? Well, let me break it down like this. You know how people say "I'm not racist! Some of my best friends are black." Wait. I have never in my life ever said some pathetic shit like this. So let me try again. You know how people say "this is my black friend Sara." or "my black friend Mike said...". Yeah that. That shit right there sounds racist. Even if you don't intend it to be. Is there really a need to identify them as black? The only point in doing so is to try justify the utterly ridiculous shit about to come out your mouth next. Keep in mind here people, I am using the word "you" in its most general form. So if you take offense, that's a problem you should consult yourself about.

Anyway, I am guilty of this. No, I don't walk around saying my "black friend". Of course not, that would just make me look stupid. But I do at unknowingly refer to some of my friends as my "gay friend". I didn't even really notice it until my oldest son got into trouble at school for referring to something they were watching as "that's so gay." Naturally, I laid into his ass about what he said, why it was wrong, and how he might have hurt some of his classmates' feelings. I'm not saying there are some children in the classroom with same sex parents, I really don't know. My point is there could be. And his comment was utterly ridiculous and insensitive. You can thank his father for that since he loves to say that phrase. Pisses me off, but hey, I can only do so much.

So my son's incident got me to thinking about how I treat my friends who HAPPEN to be gay. And I realized when talking about someone I never ever say my "white friend Gwen" or my "Asian friend Michelle" or my friend's "African wife.". No, I never say that. So then why do I always say my "gay friend ". Yet, I never say my "gay uncle". It's like I give respect to everyone else, including my uncle who is gay. But I don't give the same respect to my friends who are gay. Instead, I label them by their sexuality. Which is pretty fucked up because that is one of the things I stand with them against. To not be labeled, objectified, or ridiculed because of their sexuality. And while I don't objectify or ridicule them, I am labeling them.

And that is not okay. So I don't have "gay friends" anymore. Yep. As of a few weeks ago when I realized what I've been doing, I dropped them. All of them. I kicked myself to the curb and ended those friendships. Because they weren't friendships. Friends don't label each other. Friends don't talk about each other in terms of their sexuality. I don't stand for people calling me their "black friend". So I for damn sure ain't about to have gay friends.

I have friends. Plain and simple. I have best friends and I have close friends. I have old friends and new friends. Friends from high school, college, work, and my neighborhood. I don't have gay friend. I have friends who happen to be straight. And I have friends who happen to be gay. Most importantly, I have friends who I simply love. So this is my open letter to any one I have ever known who I may have unintentionally referred to as my "gay friend". You are my friend and I have never seen you by your sexuality. I am sorry I have labeled you as such. I am starting our friendships anew and I promise to never label you again. Unless you piss me off and then you become "that bitch that used to be my friend".