Loose Lips, Cute Hips

I'm a Coward and Proud of It

2011-11-13T10:05:00.005-06:00

Rarely does an article stick in my craw the way this one has. This morning I read this article on whether it is cowardly or courageous to stay in a marriage after infidelity. Thankfully, I read it after I had eaten my breakfast. Had I read it during or before breakfast, I would have lost my appetite. I'm not going to lie, it does take a special kind of person with a lot of personal strength to stay in a marriage after infidelity, I am not one of those kind of people.

To me, there are three types of cheating. Cheating is cheating, but I do classify them differently. And for the story's sake, I'm going to talk about all three from the hetero relationship sense but only because that's my experience.

1. The quickie fuck up- Nobody is perfect. Nobody. And I know a few men who are completely devoted to their wives, but who have fallen and made this mistake. For those of you Sex in the City fans, think back to Steve and Miranda and how he fucked up and had sex with some random chick. Now, call me crazy (especially since it's a fictional show) but I truly believed Steve and felt bad for him (as I have felt bad for my real-life male friends who slipped up). These guys are truly sorry and it truly was a mistake. Not something they sat around plotting and trying to cover up. No, they all went to their wives and spoke up. Not months or years later. Or when they thought they were dying. But, nope immediately. And yeah, part of it was selfish because they wanted to relieve themselves of their guilt. But also in part because they didn't want to keep something like this a secret that would only damage their marriages further. It might be too much to call them courageous because they spoke up, but they damn sure get a 1/2 of a gold star for being honest. Could I personally stay with a man who pulled the quickie fuck up? Honestly, I don't know. I want to say yes, but truthfully there are a lot of factors involved. In situations like this though, I don't believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater" story. So I'll say maybe. For what it's worth, those I know who cheated are still with their wives and from what I can tell, forgiveness has been granted and they are happier couples.

2. The double-dicking dog™- Again, nobody is perfect. Now the double-dicking dog* is NOT the same as the quickie fuck up cheater. No, this is the serial cheater. Yeah, you know the one. These guys are NOT sorry. They're just sorry pieces of crap who will bang anything that moves. These are the guys I suggest every woman should run from. Ironically enough, I've met several of these disgusting bastards in just the past few weeks. One of them was bold enough to tell me "I'm an honest, deceitful man. Yes, I cheat on my wife. And I want to cheat with you." Yes, this mofo was just that bold. I wanted to knock him out so bad and had to exercise great restraint not to do so. The blatant disrespect he was showing his wife and me was outrageous. These kind of men make me sick. Could I personally stay with a man who pulled this shit? Hell to the no! And I honestly think any woman who knowingly puts up with this kind of behavior is a damn fool. The "but I want to keep my family together" line or whatever is bullshit. It's more harmful to children to stay in a marriage that is full of lies and deceit than in a single household that is full of happiness and honesty. I don't know why people think children are stupid. Let me tell you something. They're not. Is it courageous to stay in a marriage like? You say courage, I saw coward. This is the epitome of "once a cheater, always a cheater".

3. The affair- I've said it once, I'll say it again: nobody is perfect. Yes, we all make mistakes, but some mistakes hurt more than anything. This kind of cheater is a master manipulator. These are the ones who lead the double life. Trust me, I know. They have affairs that can go on for weeks, months, even years. You think you've married someone that you know really well and wake up one morning to find that you don't know who the hell you married. These are not the quickie fuck up cheaters nor the double-dicking dog cheaters. No, these cheaters take great care not to be found out. And when their secrets do come to light, they do everything in their power to make YOU feel like you're the one at fault. Like you caused them to cheat. They feign remorse and regret. And, they may very well be sorry... Sorry they got caught. Cause I'll tell you this, these men don't think they'll be caught. Especially, the longer it goes on. They get a secret thrill out of having their cake and eating it too. Cause if they were sorry, they wouldn't be actively doing it. I believe a man can make a mistake and cheat once (see the quickie fuck up). But I do NOT believe a man accidentally falls into an affair. Hell no. That requires plotting and covering up. Especially, when the two start sharing a life together. Affairs are NOT mistakes.

So these my are classification of cheaters. Now the article I mentioned earlier basically said its courageous to stay in a marriage after infidelity. I call bullshit. Now I'm not taking about the quickie fuck up anymore because like I said that's something different. So just put that one on the back burner, because from here on out I'm talking about #2 and #3. Staying in a marriage after these two scenarios is NOT courageous, it's crazy. I'm personally offended by the article (if you hadn't already noticed) because I AM COURAGEOUS. Americans are so caught up in fucking statistics and what others think that we box ourselves into these images of what we think we're supposed to do. Fuck statistics and fuck that. I am part of this so-called fifty percent of marriages that end in divorce. SO?! AND?! What the fuck does that even mean? Is my life somewhat less important or demeaning now? Does this mean I am destined to live a life of unhappiness and raise future hoodlums? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit!!!

Riddle me this Batman. How can it be courageous to stay in a marriage that is already over? Now, let me back up and acknowledge that there are couples that stay together and go on to be better than ever. Good for them, here's a cookie. But let's keep it real. There are those who do divorce. Not because (as the article suggests) we don't care about the sanctity of marriage or want to force our children into a life of two household. And, definitely not because we are narcissistic freaks who are crushed because our partner couldn't hold to our selfish, crazy demand of monogamy. NO. We divorce because we value ourselves. We value our happiness and the happiness of our children. What is so wrong with wanting to be happy?! Somebody explain to me how staying in a marriage that was already over (oh yes, it was over the moment the other partner decided to break their vow) and start double-dicking or have an affair can be courageous? Do you think those of who divorced didn't fight for our marriage?! That divorce was a simple case of us throwing in the towel and washing our hands of it? No boo, let me break it down for you.

My name is not Kim Khardashian or Britney Spears or whoever else had a quickie marriage. No. My marriage lasted for eight years. Eight years in which I was happy. In which I thought everything was gravy. We had three beautiful kids, and a home full of love. Did we argue? Yeah, sometimes. But never to the point of me thinking something was wrong. Did we work on our marriage? Absolutely. Or at least I did. Because I knew marriage wasn't the big white dress with a fancy party. No, it was constantly a work in progress. So to hear that I "walked away" from my marriage because of infidelity is bullshit. How could I have ended something that was already over? It was over the moment his affair started. Yes, affair. It wasn't a Steve and Miranda issue. No, it was a full blown affair. Do you think I rushed down to the court house? No. I went back and forth for months on the issue of divorce. I am a child of divorce so I know first hand what its like to be shuffled between two households. But it wasn't only my children I had to think about. I had to think about myself first. Because when it comes down to it. How can I be a good mother to my children if I was hurting them by staying in a marriage that was making me physically ill. My babies are not fools. All their lives I have been the most active person in their lives. Catch, basketball, wrestling, running, bike riding, etc. So to see me struggling to get out of bed, not eating, not showering, etc was taxing on them. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to realize your 7 year old knows all of the words to The Scripts' Break Even or Mary J. Blige's Not Gone Cry? Guess what? I know.

It took a lot of courage for me to say "Enough, I'm threw with this shit" and file for divorce. It took a lot of courage for me to say "Okay, I'm going to be a single mom and I can do this". You think its easy being a single mom? Oh really? Well come walk your ass a mile in my shoes and then lets see how easy you think it is then. And I'm not just talking about the aspect of having to physically care for them. Oh no, when you make that decision, you also make the decision to take on the bulk of helping them deal with the transition of living with only one parent while you yourself are trying to come to terms with the decision yourself. Its not easy. Not to mention the financial aspect of it. Going from a lifestyle where you work because you want to to a lifestyle where you work because you now have to is quite a shock. Trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents is stressful So trust me, this whole its cowardly to walk away is bullshit.

So yeah, if I'm a coward because I made the decision after fighting for months to keep my marriage then whatever. If I'm a coward because I made the decision to walk away from a marriage that was hurting me physically, emotionally, and mentally then I wear the title with honor. If I'm a coward because I made the decision to raise my children in a single household full of love, laughter, and good times then I'm proud of myself. My household is now a statistic. And guess what? This coward doesn't give a fuck.

Oh yeah, this coward is fucking fabulous too!

*side note: I trade marked this phrase. That's right, it's ALL mine! So use it with care because I will sue if I have to, lol.

Happy Birthday Patrick

2011-10-22T08:43:00.000-05:00

It's not quite his birthday, but I'm already celebrating. On Oct 22, 2008 at 8:01am, Patrick Anthony Johnson shared himself with the rest of the world. I, of course, had had the honor of having an exclusive relationship with him for about nine months prior to his arrival. And, man I tell you it was a crazy nine month ride. He was the one child who gave me morning sickness, made my boobs feel like watermelons, and put me through that whole "I'm so nauseous I can't eat, but damn I'm starving" period. How this kid didn't come out the womb asking "where's the beef?" is beyond me. I literally craved cows. When we moved back to Texas, I would go outside and stare at the cows that lived in the field across from our home and think about how tasty they were. Ha ha! My Patty whack is turning 3 tomorrow. I can't believe it.

Why? I never imagined myself with 3 kids...let alone 3 boys. But let me keep it real for a moment, I never expected myself to have even ONE child. Yet, here I am with 3. So after I had Cameron and Sean, I just knew I was done. But then...a few years later I just had to have one more. And viola! My Patrick is now here.

I put together this video for him. He is currently in love with this song by David Guetta with Usher called Without You. He loves, loves, LOVES this song. His little head starts bopping and his booty shaking. So I took some of my favorite pictures of him and laid the track over it. Ha ha, look at me sounding all studio like.

Girlfriend, Where You Been?

2011-10-21T20:45:00.002-05:00

It's been a long, LONG time. And, while it's not unusual for me to take a hiatus from blogging, it is unusual for me to shut down my blog and take it off the market. Some of you inquired to find out what happened. Some of you didn't. Some didn't even notice. LOL. No worries.

So where did I go? I was busy getting my shit together. A lot has happened. A LOT. I needed to take some time and get my life back on track. Well....I shouldn't say back on track. It's not like my life jumped the tracks and derailed. No, I just need to get myself better organized. And, I couldn't stay focused because I had so much going on. So I cut out the little things I didn't really need to be focusing on. But, it's all good now.

I've since moved to Austin since my last post. Actually, it's Round Rock or "the Rock" as some people call it. I just call it the place I live. The boys have gotten so big. Cameron is almost 9, Sean is 7, and Patrick will be 3 tomorrow. I know! I can't believe it either. So why did I move? My job offered me a better position so I took it. It's been a great move for us. The boys are happy and that's a big factor for me. I'd be lying if I said I loved here...I'm trying to. But I miss my friends. Oh well, that's life.

So basically, I've been living my life.

My Cameron Speaks!

2011-02-09T11:51:00.003-06:00

This has been on my mind a lot lately and I've been meaning to blog it, but I've had so much on my lately that it's been getting pushed to the side. In Feb of 2006, Cameron had his first day of school at barely 3 years old. His teacher, Mrs. Jenny took him by the hand, lifted it to wave goodbye to me, and walked him into class. I cried my heart out when I got back to my car. You see, this wasn't his first day at a preschool or daycare or Mother's Day Out program. No, he was actually going into an elementary school. Not because he was a super smart 3 year old or a Doogie Houser type. No, he was going because after months of feelings like something was off with my son, I had him tested. I went for months with people telling me I was just jealous that he only said "da da" or that I shouldn't rush him to speak. No, in my heart I knew something was wrong with my son.

I'd always been worried about Cameron. Since the moment I knew he was in my womb, I've loved him. And I vowed to always protect him no matter what. When he was born early at 32 weeks, only 2lbs 12 oz, I knew he might have a difficult life. And, I accepted it. Thankfully, he wasn't born with any illnesses (except jaundice) or anything major. But, apart of me still worried because I just felt something would come along.

So when Cameron had his first birthday and then second birthday without really talking, I became worried. Friends and family told me not to compare him to other children, which I already wasn't doing. Some even teased me saying I was jealous because he wasn't saying "mama". Which was just bullshit. And, actually pretty shitty to say to a mother. But when Cameron finally did start speaking, his words didn't sound like words. I don't know how to really explain it because it's one of those things you have to hear to understand. His words sounded worse than garbled. You just couldn't understand him. I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurt being unable to figure out what was wrong with him when he screamed because I didn't understand him. How angry it made me when strangers gave me looks when they heard him speak. Remind me to tell you the story of the bitch I threw lettuce at in the grocery store for making him cry. I can't even tell you how many times I had to repeat to people "there is NOTHING wrong with my son". I have simply come to learn that people are very insensitive to those who don't fit the mode of normal.

It has been a battle these last five years with Cameron essentially learning how to form words and express himself. Although I've known it for awhile, Cameron has won the battle. But this Friday, we could be making it official at his last IEP/ARD meeting. When Cameron went into the Early Childhood Special Education program in Virginia, he was 3 years old. But his development cognitive skills was of a 22 month old and his speech skills were below normal. At the time, he could only say 4-5 understandable words. Now, he's 8 years old and has an unlimited vocabulary. He is one of the smartest kids in his class and the 2nd best speller in his class. He has truly come a long way.

Now I take Cameron to school everyday. And, instead of having to settle for a wave goodbye initiated by his teacher; I get a very nice and very loud "GOODBYE MOM!!!!"

My Cameron speaks!

Stop Hating on Valentine's Day

2011-02-09T09:18:00.004-06:00

Seriously, you simply sound bitter. Calling it a corporate scam holiday makes you sound even more bitter. I really don't get the point of trying to bring everybody else down with you because you're miserable. Why do you want to stop people from feeling loved or appreciated? Spare me the line of "well you should show people how much you love them every day of the year". In theory, we should celebrate everyone's life every day they are alive. Yet, we don't. We only celebrate it one day a year. And, yet no one has a problem that. The same for the 4th of July, Veteran's Day, and Memorial Day. In theory, shouldn't we celebrate our patriotism every day, thank a soldier every day, and remember the soldiers who died in combat every day? Now, yes I do realize there are people who do everyday, especially concerning our soldiers. Yet, no one ever singles out these days. Or any of the other holidays. Except Christmas and Valentine's Day.

Why? Is it because you don't have someone to love and you're jealous of those who do? Because that's how you sound for the most part. Or did you get with a loser of a mate who measures how much you love them with price tags? And now you're broke because of it? Well, sounds like you need a new partner. Are you upset because you didn't get anything at all? Or haven't received anything since elementary school when Valentine's had to be given to everyone in the class? Whatever you're reason(s), why do you think its okay to try to make others feel bad because they enjoy the holiday?

I'm spending Valentine's alone. I'm not whining or hating or complaining. You know what I will do? I will take a little more time out for myself to let Makita know she is appreciated. There is nothing wrong with spending the day by yourself. Perhaps, that's what a lot of people need to do. Take some time out and focus on themselves. I don't love Valentine's Day. But, I definitely don't hate it. It's been here long before me and won't cease to exist because of haters. So stop hating. And acting like you don't take advantage of the 15th and buy 70%+ off candy and chocolate.

Damn This Weather!! I Want to go to School!!!!!

2011-02-04T11:26:00.006-06:00

Yeah, see I don't get all excited about snow and rush outside to build snowmen. Or make snow cream (I refuse to make that stuff) or run outside to sled. And all that other jazz. Nope. Not me. The snow to me is simply snow. The stuff that comes out of the sky when the weather is right for it. Yes, I let the boys play in it, etc. But it's just not a big deal to me. This week when they canceled school for the boys, I was okay with it. A lot of my friends, understandably so, we're going bat shit crazy over the school being canceled day after day. I'm guessing that's rare for this area. I, on the other hand, was cool. It didn't really phase me. 1) I was sick and didn't care to be outside getting them to and from school. 2) I didn't want to get out of bed, instead I wanted to sleep in. 3) I wanted them home so that I didn't have to leave the comfort of my bed. LOL

So the boys were home all week. Fine. The icy situation also caused my school to close on Wednesday. Which meant I couldn't go to government class. No big deal. I'm no fan of government. It's a requirement so I deal with it. No problem. But now, they've done it. They've pissed me off. School is canceled until Monday for me. MONDAY!!!!! This means no Saturday class for History. I am absolutely livid!!! Are you kidding me?!?! I want my HISTORY CLASS!!!! It's not fair!! We just started on the US West and how Hollywood messes it all up. And how Chinese immigrants are the reason the "west was won". And how white "settlers" through Manifest Destiny ruined the lives of Native Americans. Yeah, I said it. Don't worry, it's not meant to be mean or to construe racism. I don't have white people or any ethnicity. It's said in truth. Think I'm lying? Look it up. Facts don't lie. We were just getting to the GOOD stuff and now this?!?!

I love school, especially my History class. I'm so bummed.

Stupid weather

Potty Training Boot Camp

2011-02-04T11:12:00.003-06:00

So we're out of diapers, completely. And, we're snowed in...sort of. Well, yeah we are. Yesterday, I ventured out to the store because we were already low on diapers. Guess what? I forgot the diapers!!! Imagine how pissed I was when I realized that. On the way home, the brakes on my car finally died. I know, I know, lecture me later. So now we're diaper less and car less. If it was just me, I'd walk to the store and get some because its only about a 1 1/2 miles. No problem for me. I've walked the distance before several times for exercise. But now, there's a problem. Yeah, that white stuff out there called snow. It's totally stranded me. So we're stuck inside. Which means Patrick has gone from stepping up his potty training efforts to fully into potty training boot camp.

That's right. I've gone all Sargent "Don't You Pee on the Floor" on him. Don't worry, I'm not screaming at him or calling him a pansy ass pansy. But I'm all militant on making sure he goes every 30-45 minutes to avoid surprise wet spots on the floor. So far so good, the only place he has accidents is in Cameron's bed. LOL. For some reason, he's all about peeing on his big brother's skater sheets. Fun times.

So until the snow clears and I'm able to get to the store, it's all Thomas the Train undies over here. But really, I'm hoping this works and he just keeps on in the undies. That would be awesome.

I Rebuke Thee Donuts!!!

2011-01-30T18:12:00.002-06:00

This week has been a major struggle in eating right. I won't even tell you how many donuts I've had this week. The number is not pretty. Although, in my defense, three of those times were not my fault. Seriously. Who am I to say no to a hostess? That would be rude. "Oh no, sorry. I appreciate you getting up early and picking up donuts for our meeting, but I have to decline. Yeah, well see I'm trying to lose weight so I can turn my fat ass into a slightly plump ass and cram it into a two piece bathing suit this summer. So, you see my dilemma right?" Exactly! I couldn't say that. It would have been rude. So I did the only thing I could. I enjoyed one. Okay... I'm lying. I devoured four of them. What?! She had my favorite kind. Glaze twist. Mmmm. And, I can't even tell you how many donut holes I ate. No, seriously. I can't. I ate so many I lost count. All I know is I was talking and the next thing I know they were gone. And, again, in my defense it was not my fault. Have you seen me talking? Especially when I'm excited about something? Okay then you know. I get animated and things start flying out my mouth that I never expected. And in return, things start flying in I never expected. It's a win/win. Sort of.

So yeah, needless to say, I'm losing the war on donuts. But they're so damn good. It's like the Macy Gray song "I Try"

With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

*sigh* Oh donuts, I wish I could quit you.

A Challenge!!!

2011-01-24T10:11:00.002-06:00

Because I'm always striving for perfection (stop laughing), I'm going to challenge myself. Well, technically I'm always challenging myself. But this time, I'm going public. Last week or so I found a really old picture of me. So old I don't even remember taking the picture. But here's the kicker: I was wearing a two-piece bathing suit. I know!!! WTF, right?! My body looks nothing like that anymore. No, I won't post the picture. But it inspired me to do it again. Yep. I kind of like what I have going on over here. So, this summer I'm going to rock a two-piece bathing suit. Now don't get stupid thinking I'm about to be thonged out with a triangle cut top. Hell to the naw!!! I'm inspired, not bat shit crazy.

So I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. Oh did I forget to mention I restarted my love affair with Billy Blanks? Well, I'm kind of in a threesome. I have no idea what this woman's name is, but she works my abs and keeps me satisfied. Let's call her Sandy. So Sandy, Billy, and me like working up a hot sweat keeping my body together.

The challenge? Wear a two-piece and take pics and show the pics off. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. Nothing is ever that simple. I have major issues with self image. Yeah, I know I'm hot and all that. But I'm really self-conscious about my stretch marks and skin discoloration. So the real challenge for me is going to be slathering my skin in cocoa butter. LOL. I jest. No, it'll be me overcoming what my body looks like now. I can lose the weight and tighten and tone. And the stretchmarks will fade...hopefully. But the skin discoloration is there so I need to accept it.

So where will I go in this fabulous suit? I have no idea. But I do want to go white water rafting this summer. Not exactly bathing suit wear (kind of ), but it is something on my agenda this summer. Actually, my bestfriend and I are planning a trip to Vegas to celebrate our wonderful 10 years of friendship. And another friend and I are planning to take a trip together too. So I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to work it out. My goal is lose about 30-40 lbs. The divorce reeked havoc on my waistline. I lost a lot of weight initially and then gained and then lost and then gained. So I've been working the past month or so to get it together. So here I go. The fatassness will be no more. Plus, having a reason to drop it will help my motivation.

Let's Get Ready to LLLLLEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRNNNNNNNN!!!!!

2011-01-19T09:07:00.003-06:00

:D Spring semester has begun!!! *banana dance* Today, I have my first in classroom class. American Government II with the same professor from last semester. Yep, the same guy who worked my nerve. Yep, the same guy I wrote a big what the fuck ever essay too that he actually liked, lol. I finished his class last semester with a C. This semester I'm going for the gold. I'm super super excited. You know how much I love school!

So this semester things are a little different. Instead of working, I'm in the process of looking for another job. So while I don't have the stress of popping and lacing chips, lol, I do have some pressure of navigating this job market. Also, I now have a crock pot!!!! So, dinner just got a little bit easier. I have a Wednesday night class (government) so I can have dinner with the boys before I leave. Which means one of two things. One, I get to enjoy dinner with the boys which is always a plus. And, two, I'll be prepared for each class because I will have a belly full of warm deliciousness. Usually, I sit in classes starving.

I also have a Saturday morning class, US History II. Now this class, I can not even begin to express my glee. I LOVED my history professor from last semester so I'm taking her again. I cannot wait to take my seat and let her voice wash over me with its words of rich history. Interestingly enough, she has resparked my interest in wanting to minor in history. Not sure what I would do with a degree in history since it's left field from my actual major, but it would be nice to have.

So, I've got the crock pot going with pot roast. Yum! I've got my books in my back pack, ready to go. And I've got a 2 year old behind me pooping who gets mad every time I look in his direction, lol. I have no choice but to face forward or suffer his wrath. I'm so ready for 6:45pm to arrive so I can leave for class. The other two classes I'm taking are History of the Theater 1800 to present day and Intro to Sociology. Apparently, my sociology professor is hot. According to ratemyprofessor.com. Well, apparently, those who rated him must be blind. This guy is NOT hot. He's not ugly. But he's NOT hot. LOL. It really doesn't matter though as its an online class. But still, I just thought I'd point that out.

LOL. So ready to learn. Spring semester 2011!!!!

Bouncing Back

2011-01-15T10:16:00.002-06:00

The past week was very rough. Very. I had a mid week meltdown that left me in bed for pretty much 2 days. I was just drained. Emotionally and physically. But, now I'm starting to bounce back. The boys are out of school until Tuesday for the MLK Jr. holiday. If the weather was nicer, we'd be outside. But since its wet and cold, we're staying indoors. Today, we've got a movie marathon going. Then later tonight, it's story time with hot cider and story time. This afternoon we're going to make sock puppets for story time.

School starts for me on Tuesday. I need to finish an online orientation course which I think is stupid. Which means I'm going to simply blow it off until Monday night. The reason? This isn't my first online course. I've already done the whole orientation for online class takers. Yet, my professor is requiring everyone to take it regardless of their prior experience with online courses. Sadly, this is not helping in my opinion of her. One of my biggest pet peeves is being forced to do something I've already done previously that is still recent. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty damn sure the online course setup is the exact same as it was just last month when I finished my last online course. Whatever. Like I said, I know I'll just blow it off until Monday night.

Aside from this, I'm actually excited about school. Surprise, surprise. LOL. I've got the same professors for History and Government again. I chose Prof. Fout for history again because I love her. Her class was AWESOME. And, I chose Dr. Mullins for government because I finally figured out his methods towards the end of the last semester. So now I have a guaranteed A. What? Of course, I'm going to work for it. But, it's always easier going into something if you have a road map. So I plan to use that road map to the best of my ability.

Other than that, that's pretty much it. My oh so exciting life is just mediocre this week.

You Didn't Ask For It

2011-01-12T17:59:00.003-06:00

I hear these words a lot lately. Of course not. No one ever asks for pain, sorrow, loss, disappointment, or any of the other suck ass stuff that happens. Guess what? It doesn't matter. Bad things happen to good people all the time. And you either let it drown you or you rise above it. Lately, I'm not quite drowning, but I'm not exactly rising above it either. I'm in pain. A lot of it. Today, I spent the majority of it in bed until it was time to go get the boys. Sadly, I try to schedule my upset moments for when the boys are away or asleep. They've seen me cry, but I don't like to do that. I don't want them to feel the need to shoulder my emotions when they're learning to deal with their own. They need to know its okay to be upset, but they need to understand they don't need to make me feel better or take care of me. No, I'm the mom and I need to show them how to do that for themselves.

But, today just hasn't been a good day. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm just plain tired. I feel drained both emotionally and physically. I'm not even trying to pretend that I'm okay today. I did homework with the boys, gave them a snack, and then turned on the Wii for the older two and Elmo for the youngest. I'm not a perfect parent, they don't exist. So if you want to judge me for needing to take care of myself and letting the boys do whatever, then fine. Blow it out your ass. See, I told you. Today I'm just not up to par and all happy and blah blah blah. But, seriously though, parenting is hard and we all have our off days as we should. We're all entitled to have a "I just don't give a damn" day. The boys are having hot dogs and chips for dinner. So there.

I want to talk about what's eating at me. But really I'm just over it. I'm tired of whining about my problems and crying over my friend's shoulders. I know they're tired of listening because I'm tired of talking about it. What I really want to do is just put my hands...no, wait I can't say that. Because then if something should ever happen, this will only make me a suspect. So I'll just say karma is a bitch and I hope everything that is deserved is given.

UGH!

Today Was a Good Day Minus the Saints Losing

2011-01-08T19:46:00.002-06:00

First, the Saints lost to the damn Seahawks! I KNOW! That's some pure bullshit. Bullshit! Really?! The Seahawks! Come on now son, that's just insane. So mad about that. This is for you Saints, you deserve to wear it.

But, I said today was a good day. So despite the Saints losing to the WORST DAMN TEAM, it was still good. Now, I already knew I was on the Dean's List, but now it's official and in print!!!! See the picture below. Yes, I did screen cap it. Yes, I did open it in paint. Yes, I did circle my name and write it over to the side so you can see it. And, yes I am not ashamed for doing something so silly. LOL. I am so proud of myself. Raising three kids alone, working, and going to school is NOT easy. But doing it all and making it onto the Dean's List is golden. The only thing harder is having more than 3 kids. And I know there are mothers out there doing just that. Kudos to those mothers as well.

We did a lot of silly stuff today. Hit the park up twice and then hung out at home playing the Wii. Well, at least until the Saints game came on. And then the boys cleared out to go play in their room. It's not that they don't like watching football, they actually do. They just don't have the patience to sit through an entire game. So they float in and out. I'm not doing this much with them this weekend because next weekend is a four day weekend. And so I know they're going to try to wear me out, I'm going to go on the defense and wear them out too. Not sure of the plans yet, but trust me. They will not survive the weekend and still have energy.

I Now Have Permission to Have Friends with Benefits

2011-01-02T18:04:00.003-06:00

LMAO! I just got off the phone with my favorite aunt. Yes, I have a favorite. And I swear she just gave me the sex talk. "Kita, you by yourself now. It's okay to have friends. It's good to have friends. We all need to spread our oats around. But don't you be spreading them oats around too much. You don't want to be no hot girl all hot in the ass." LMAO! My aunt is the greatest, but man she cracks me up. How in the world we got from me never marrying again to my aunt giving me her blessing to have friends with benefits I have no idea?!

Not that I'm ready to have friends with benefits, it's still nice to have my aunt's blessing. You know, cause when I am ready I won't have to call her ask for her permission now. Although, she may call me to remind me that I don't need to turn into a habitual oats spreader. Especially since I don't want to be a hot girl hot in the ass. I swear nobody has a way with words like my aunt.

I think what tickles me the most is she was just so accepting on me never getting married again. Usually, I get "Never? Really?". To which I always reply, yep, never. She just glossed right over that and went straight into the friends with benefits talk. I'm laughing now just thinking about it. She is just so freaking awesome. I *heart* her, lol.

I Feel Like Such a MOM

2011-01-01T21:46:00.002-06:00

Ironically, I don't know why I feel that way. I am a mom, so shouldn't I feel like a mom all the time? I'm sitting here watching a marathon of V (yeah...I know. But there was nothing else on TV) and the thought "you are such a mom" just popped into my head. Maybe it's because I spent most of my day patching up holes over the knee that the boys put in their jeans. Or maybe it was watching Elmo for 2 hours. Maybe it was the six bedtime stories. Who knows? But the thought just hit me. I don't even know. It just sounds silly in my head.

Yeah, I am mom. But I'm not the traditional mom. Is there even such a thing as the traditional mom anymore? But really what is a traditional mom. Is that just the bullshit we see on TV where the mother is just so freaking happy all the times that she farts rainbows and spits sunshine? Seriously?! Where the hell do producers get that crap?! Why can't moms just be women? Having a kid doesn't make you instantly happy. Well, okay. It does. But you know what I mean. People shouldn't depend on having kids to make them happy. That's a personal flaw that needs to be addressed by a therapist. Children bring sooooo much happiness and joy. But damn if they don't bring a lot of heartache and tears too. Because watching someone you loved and shaped over the years do something to hurt you hurts. Dang Makita, why you getting so deep? LOL, I don't know I just went all off on a tangent. Don't worry the boys haven't done anything to hurt me. Or make me sad or disappointed. But you know what? I'm realistic. I don't expect my kids to make me proud every single moment of their lives and mines. And you know what? I don't want my kids living to make me happy.

I want my boys to grow up to be independent thinkers who know what they want in life. I want them to understand that though they will disappoint me at times and that we may not see eye to eye on everything, but that will never stop me from loving them. That when they're wrong they're wrong and I will not support wrong decisions, yet I will still love them. And when they are right and others think they are wrong, I will stand by them. Nothing can ever make me stop loving them. Nor will or do I love one of them more than the others. I saw this quote the other day and I framed it then hung it next to a photo of me and the boys.

"How then do you love each of your multiple children , if not the best or even equally? The answer is you love them uniquely." -Marianne E. Neifert

And that is how I love my boys. And yes, I do it feeling like SUCH a mom. LOL

Sigh I'm Scared to Leap

2010-12-28T16:47:00.002-06:00

One would think with all of the big decisions I made this year I'd be fearless by now. Well, I'm not. I know what I want to do with my life once I finish school, but I have no idea what I want to do in the meantime. I have so many ideas and so much on my plate. But, I really just don't know. I want to finish my novels, I want to start my own business, I want to just lay on my ass. The only thing I do know is that I never want to work for the man again. Ever. Unless its on my own terms in which I'm free to tell them to kiss the fattest part of my ass anytime I chose or deem necessary.

I have so many ideas, but I'm scared to take a leap and just grab one. *sigh* I feel like I just want to do so much. And that I'm being unrealistic. *sigh* I've got to figure it out.

On My Way Back to Fat Assness

2010-12-27T22:06:00.002-06:00

Seriously, my ass is getting fat. And, yes I really am talking about my ass. Ack! I worked so hard in 2009 and maintaining the weight loss in 2010 to having a fat ass again. Okay, let me be honest. I lost most of my weight this year because of stress and grief. So it kind of doesn't count. Really though, it's not my fault. I blame Nabisco for making chocolate covered Ritz cracker and the brown sugar ones...Mmm...that taste so good crushed over vanilla ice cream. And those guys at Ben and Jerry's are to blame too. Cherry Garcia ice cream is just deliciousness in a carton. And damn you Kroger's for always having it on sale. And that damn good red beans and rice recipe. How is a girl supposed to survive all the temptation?! It's everywhere! HELP!!!

So who can I call to help me get my shit together and get rid of this fat ass? It's a kick, it's a punch, it's a "dig deep". It's Billy Blanks!!! My tried and true homeboy that helps me get it together. And, my kickboxing bag. Yeah, that's who I need to call. I gotta keep it together. I have three kids who are all boys. They are super active and expect me to keep up with them. So I gotta do what I gotta do. Texas is so freaking unpredictable with the weather so it's hard to just be spontaneous and go to the park. But there is tons of stuff I can do in the house. So I'm going to get on it.

Makita, are you doing this because it's the New Year and everybody and their grandmama likes to lose weight after the holidays? Nope. I've never been into doing that or any kind of resolution. I just need to get it together for me and for my boys. I was doing so well too. But then crap just kept happening and things just started weighing down on me. But I got this. I will not be defeated by fat assness again. Nope.

It's a Wonderful Life

2010-12-26T21:27:00.003-06:00

No, I'm not talking about the movie. Which, I actually can't stand. What? Wait? Did she really just say she doesn't like It's a Wonderful Life?! That's absurd! Well, it's true. I also hate The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music, and a bunch of other movies. But that's neither here nor there. You can rip me a new one later about that, lol. This is about my life...well, the lives of my boys and myself. And, indeed it is a wonderful life.

We had a great Christmas. The boys are now with their grandparents for the next week. But you know, it's not just Christmas that makes my life with them wonderful. It just is. I spent a lot of time crying, hurting, pissed the fuck off this year. I lost a lot this year. And I spent entirely too much time focused on that. I spent so much time focused on what and who I lost that I didn't fully recognize what I gained. I've said it before and I still mean it. 2010 sucked monkey balls. But, I also failed to realize or at least acknowledge that it was great too.

In hindsight, although it still hurts very much, I am thankful for the year I've had. I broke down many times, but I always got back up. Sometimes I got back up with a limp, sometimes I could only get up on one leg. But, I got up. And at times, when I just couldn't do it, I had people there to help me rise. I lost one of the most important people in my life. The man who has always loved me unconditionally, even when I was in the wrong. My father. My world felt destroyed. And I still miss him so much and some days I have to force myself out of bed because the grief is so strong. He left me, but he didn't leave me alone. I have gained so many wonderful new family members through friendship. I have a support system that lifts me up when I am down, strengthens me when I feel weak, and guides me when I feel lost. My love for my boys carries me through. The love I receive from my support system and boys holds me up. And that is why my life is wonderful.

Hallelujah! It's a Chicken Miracle!

2010-12-23T19:57:00.003-06:00

The child has given up the cereal! At least for tonight. For the past 2 or 3 weeks, all my youngest would eat was cereal. Fruit Loops, Kix, Trix, Cheerios, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, Raisin Bran (yeah, I was surprised at this one too), Cocoa Puffs, Fruity Pebbles, Honey Combs... Yes, we really went through all the cereals. And, yeah I know you're probably thinking "OMG, that's so much sugar!". Yep, deal with it! My kids hardly ever eat cereal, so it's never been an issue. We're a hot breakfast family. Ooh that reminds me of the wonderful gifts I received today. My Thursday morning sisters, a group of other women from all walks of life. We're a little family. So anyway, they really surprised me. I broke down in tears because they really are the best. The group gifted me with a crock pot, waffle maker (Belgian waffle maker), and a few gift cards. I truly feel blessed to have become apart of this amazing group of women. I love these ladies. So on Christmas morning, the boys and I will be enjoying chocolate chip Belgian waffles. YUM!!!! Their thoughtfulness will really help me carry through next semester. Especially, when I go back to working. And, their constant support (yep, they're all senior members of Team Makita) helps see me through. Which reminds me of yet another thing....I made the Dean's List this semester. Whoop whoop! I am so proud of myself. After almost 10 years, I can still kick ass.

So I am fully recovered...sort of...from the park adventure. And, I'm so ready to do it again. It's gotten cold again, so I don't know when we'll have a full on park day. But, I am ready for next time. I plan to buy a bike for myself and/or some skate so we can all ride bikes together. My friend Heather inspired me to bike ride with the boys. She's always posting about the cool stuff she does. She, like me, is also a mom of just boys. I love having 3 boys, although somewhere along the line I did think of having a little girl. But it's too late now for me to carry my old child, the shop is closed. But, I am totally open to adoption.

But, let me get to moving. I have a scarf to finish and The Other Guys to watch. I absolutely adore Mark Wahlberg...or as I still like to call him Marky Mark. I always wonder what happened to The Funky Bunch. LOL! The 90s...awesomeness.

I Am NOT a Little Kid Anymore

2010-12-21T19:24:00.002-06:00

Apparently, I didn't know that. I just assumed my ass was still a kid. Well, it's not. While I was out there at the park yesterday with my boys, I had the GREATEST time ever!!! I was doing back flips, running, playing soccer, throwing the football around, etc. We had a blast. Made a whole day of it. It was 84 so we had a picnic, ate ice cream, Patrick took a nap. It was awesome.

But now, my ass...actually, my back is paying for it. OUCH! Last night it was just a little crampy. Today, it hurts bad. I'm wondering if maybe I sprained it again. I sprained it in 2007 when I taught pole dancing lessons. POLE DANCING, not stripping lessons! It's actually a sport you know. But that's neither here nor there at this point. The point is my back hurts like a muthanucker.

So today, we are having a movie-thon. Starting with Ninja Turtles 1 all the way down to Ninja Turtles 3. Then Up, followed by Despicable Me. Normally, we do not sit in the house all day. There is always something to do. But today, I just can't do it. Sitting for long periods of time hurts. Standing for long periods of time hurts. I'm currently laying on my stomach in the downward dog position. And once Patrick takes a nap, I'm headed to go soak in my tub again. I don't have any pain killers in the house. Yeah, I don't know what the hell I've been thinking to not have some. But I am kicking myself for that now.

The moral of this story? I am NOT a little kid. But damn if I didn't have the best time ever with my boys!!! And I'd do it all over again...and most likely will. ;^)

Failure is STILL Not an Option

2010-12-17T16:11:00.005-06:00

Today, final grades for Fall 2010 semester were published.

Public Speaking I: A
Business Computers Information Systems: A
US History I: A
American Government I: C

Whoop whoop!!! So proud of myself for finishing strong! Okay, well I'm not too excited about the C, but dammit I earned that C and I'm damn proud of it. This semester was quite an experience. I went through a LOT. The hardest thing was trying to balance being a single mom, working, and meeting my own personal needs. I don't have all of it down, but I've gotten a lot better.

I learned that cooking meals at the beginning of the week and labeling them saves time. I also learned that sometimes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some fruit is a sufficient meal. I learned its okay to let the house be dirty (well, not super dirty because the clean freak in me would have a seizure) during mid-terms and finals. It's also okay to play a little hooky to sleep and take your kids to the park. I learned that voice recorders are the difference between doing well and doing GREAT (thanks Jeff for schooling me). I also learned, maybe the most important lesson, its okay to cry when you're frustrated and need a break.

What a semester. I survived it. My boys survived it. I'm proud of me. My boys are proud of me. And Team Makita* is proud of me. Can't wait for Spring 2011 semester!

*Registration for Team Makita is still open. Requirements: being positive and helping her to shake them haters off

Outtakes From A Christmas Card

2010-12-16T10:02:00.005-06:00

This week I tried to get the boys together so we could go take photos for our Christmas card. It just wasn't happening. I was tired. They were tired. I wanted a nap and a sandwich. They wanted to eat candy canes and watch a movie. So needless to say, taking them to the mall wouldn't have been a good idea. So what did I decide to do? Take pictures at home of course!

This year we have a super cool tree. Somehow all of ornaments got lost or thrown away, who knows/who cares. So I had to buy all new ones. The boys and I got super colorful and had a lot of fun picking out ornaments. Which turned out to be the perfect background for our photos. Here are some silly outtakes.

I really don't know how photographers (the good ones) actually do it. I was worn out just trying to prop my camera up against rolls of Charmin. Okay, I'm lying, it was really Scott's tissue. But does it really matter? They're both soft and get the job done. But back on topic. So since I don't have a tripod, (actually, I do. I was just too lazy to go into the garage and get it), I had to prop my camera up on the coffee table. Which needless to say, the boys thought it was hilarious. The hardest part was getting everyone to fit in the picture. Somehow, we all kept getting cut out of the photos.

And, then of course, getting people to SMILE was also a pain the ass. For some reason, Patrick was just like "F U Mom, I am NOT smiling". Calm down, he didn't actually say that. But that was the vibe I was getting, lol. So I just gave up on that because I'm not one of those people who just have to have a smiling kid in the picture. Shoot, just everybody knows how Patrick is. So to see him all googly eyed smiling would be a little out of character for him, lol.

Like I said, getting everyone in the picture was a huge problem. In most of the pictures, Patrick is David Ruffin and Cameron, Sean, and me are The Temptations. Or in modern times, we're Destiny's Child and Patrick is Beyonce, lol. And, yes, he was singing "jangle lells, jangle lells, jang jang jang" into the hairbrush.

So I ended up turning one of the toilet paper rolls on its side, and balancing it with two crayons (one in front and one behind it) and then setting a book on top of it to place the camera on. LOL! Who says the game Jenga doesn't teach you anything? There are a lot more photos, but I'm getting tired which is not a good thing cause I need to go buy birthday gifts for Cameron and do a bunch of other stuff I don't want to do like get my brakes fixed. So here's the super finale photo that I finally got that was a really good shot. Still don't know how professionals do it. Hats off to you.

2010 Has Sucked Monkey Balls

2010-12-16T09:32:00.003-06:00

Yes, I do realize there are still X amount of days left. And, yes I did just put an "X" because I'm just too lazy to do the math right now, lol. But still, it has sucked monkey balls minus the good days like my boys' birthdays and the first day of school for me and them. So there have been so many shitty moments with some good days sprinkled in. I don't really want to get into all of it, but I am now a single mom still living in Texas. No, I'm not sorry for the divorce. I tried, he didn't. Now karma is smacking his ass around. (Thank you Karma)

So it's just me and the boys and we're okay. It's been a tough year. I lost my dad in Feb and I miss him so very much. I lost my home in March thanks to the damn guy we were renting from not paying his damn mortgage. Jerk. But thankfully, the bank worked with us and we didn't have to move until the school year ended. And, I almost lost Cameron over the summer. It has just been a really rough year. But, I'm resilient and I'm bouncing back. Even if I am a little more meaner. But, hey it's all about growth right?

So that's all the bad news. The good news? I went back to school this year. Yep, graduating May 2012 or if I'm really focused Dec 2011. Sweet. I am so very proud of myself. I'm kicking ass at school. I've also put myself on a plan to buy a home in 2013. So I have just about 2 years to start making stuff happen. I've resigned myself to pretty much staying here in Texas since I'm pretty much established. It's cool. Cause when the last one leaves the house, I'm going to be on the road traveling all the time. So I'll be here, unless some super fabulous job snatches me up and whisks me away. *crossed fingers* But the absolute best news of all is I still have my Cameron. I love all of my boys. They keep me grounded and they keep me lifted. The thought of losing Cameron this summer still breaks me down to my very core. I couldn't imagine my life without any one of my boys. But this summer I did have to imagine it and it was utterly painful and heart wrenching. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Thankfully, I don't have any enemies....wait, that's not true. But still, you get the idea.

So 2011 has to be much better, right? Cause if it's not, I'm just going to have to put on my big girl panties and steel toe boots and kick the shit out of it. ;^)

Thank Goodness My Tubes Are Tied

2010-06-01T21:12:00.003-05:00

I'm serious! Maxwell is coming to town in seven days to come rescue me from my husband. And ooh chile, I tell ya thank goodness my tubes are tied cause I swear if they weren't some conception would be taking place that night. This man makes some serious baby making music. I don't know how anyone could listen to help and NOT want to get sexed up later. Ya'll think I'm joking. But I swear there should be a huge warning label on his albums stating : This album will result in pregnancy. Ya'll still think I'm lying? Go ahead, have a listen....and when you come up pregnant, don't be surprised.

And if that one don't get you, try these....

Movie Week

2010-05-28T16:57:00.002-05:00

So normally, I never see a movie while it's still in theaters. Why? Several reasons....

1. I don't want to pay an arm and a leg plus a little small dog just to see a movie.
2. I never have the time.
3. I never have the time, did I already say that?

Well, as part of my whole "doing me" thing I've decided to start making time for myself. So this week I've been hitting the movie theater. The first movie I saw was with the hubster. We checked out Iron Man 2 last Friday night. AWESOME movie. I'm not going to give away the movie. But if you like Robert Downey Jr. and love him without his shirt, you need to see it. The storyline is good and there is a lot of action. But obviously, you should know that seeing as how it is an action movie.

The second movie I saw on happenstance. I needed a breather and had to get out of the house. Otherwise, you all would of saw my face flash across the screen on the late night news for smacking the crap off my husband. Seriously, I felt like I was going to pull a Rochelle from Everybody Hates Chris and knock him back into childhood. So instead of beating the man to death, I decided to do the alternative and go for a walk. So after the walk, I was still feeling upset and decided to just drive. I ended up at the movie theater and decided to see Just Wright. This is the movie with Queen Latifah and Common. Honestly, I don't like them as a couple. But the movie was nice. The storyline was a little predictable thanks to the fifty million commercials that gave away the whole movie. But, it was still worth seeing. Plus, it had a lot of actors in the movie I wasn't expecting like Pam Greer and James Pickett Jr (Chief from Grey's Anatomy).

The last movie I just got back from was Sex and The City 2. Absolutely LOVED it. The fashion. Samantha. The fashion. Samantha. Yes, I just repeated the same sentences. The movie was just that great to me. Now one thing to know about me is I'm always trying to save a dollar. So instead of getting swindled and going on opening night. I decided to wait a day and go before 6pm. Paid only $3.25!

ITS TOO DAMN HOT!!!!!!

2010-05-26T19:03:00.001-05:00

Seriously! It's only MAY. And we've been hitting the 90s already. I don't even want to know what the actual summer will be like. I've been fighting a heat migraine for the past two days now. My head feels as if it will explode. No matter how much I hydrate, the migraines only let up for a few hours only to return again. Seriously, this is RIDICULOUS! Right now, my migraines are in remission. But I spent the majority of the day and last night miserable because of my pounding head and my crying bladder. Thankfully, Kroger has all of its store brand popsicles on sale. Which I gladly took advantage of. I've drank so much water, my body screamed for joy when I gave it something else.

UGH. I hate Texas summers.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Forgot!!

2010-05-25T20:51:00.001-05:00

I had a super nifty topic to blog on today and I totally forgot what it was. I was at work and thought about trying to email it to myself, but I didn't have the time. UGH!!! Now I don't have anything to talk about except me forgetting what I had wanted to talk about it. I'll be back once I remember.....

He Plays Me Like a Fiddle...I'm So Ashamed

2010-05-22T17:13:00.003-05:00

You see this face? THIS is the face of a precious little boy. Who steals my breath away. BUT, who also has a history of playing me like a fiddle. Look at him! Can you believe he is quickly becoming a terror to his older brothers? That he takes their toys while they are still playing with them and screams bloody murder if they try to get them back? How about him throwing a fit if he sees other people eating and he doesn't have anything. Doesn't matter if he *just* ate. No one is allowed to have food unless he has food. Or how about asking for a hug when you're eating a cookie and then when you're not paying attention, take a bite of your cookie. Oh the list goes on. And, I'm sure as he gets older, the list will get much longer. But who can resist that face? That smirk, those eyes, those super chunky cheeks. Oh little one, how you play me for a fool. And oh how your brothers pay the price older siblings have paid for years at the hands of their younger siblings.

No MO Bag, But I DID Score Some Other Goodies

2010-05-21T16:01:00.002-05:00

So yesterday, I was just too damn lazy to drive to Plano to get one of the MO bags. I decided instead to just take my happy ass to Wal-Mart. Where not only did I get hit on (*blush*), I found out that those Rolling Stones magazine covers bags I've been coveting for sometime are FINALLY on clearance. For $3!!!!! I couldn't of asked for a better deal. I got quite a few because well, they're just awesome. I am still planning to get one of those MO bags.

In other news, I've got nothing, lol. Things are still the same. I DID lose a whole pound. Go Makita, go Makita. It ain't your birthday, but that's okay though. LOL. Mainly, I've done it through watching what I've been eating because I haven't worked out much this week. Oh well, I know I'll get back to it tomorrow. I have kept up my walking though so that I am still getting some exercise.

Gimme Me Some MO

2010-05-20T09:02:00.002-05:00

As in Michelle Obama. I absolutely ADORE our First Lady. She is definitely the business. So today I am on a quest to find this shopping bag featuring our First Lady of Fabulous. Wish me luck!

Sooooo Over Sookie Stackhouse

2010-05-18T14:29:00.001-05:00

I am. I really am. Now, while I'm pissed at the series which really means I'm pissed with the author. I'm going to give Charlaine Harris another chance. Just not with the Southern Vampire series aka the Sookie Stackhouse books. Contrary to what some geniuses believe it is NOT the True Blood series. Despite the new covers, I repeat, IT IS NOT THE TRUE BLOOD SERIES. Got it? Good. Now, I really do like the Lily Bard series. So I will continue reading them. But I'm done with SV series. Why? I'm just simply tired of the inconsistencies and the fact that the stories just seems to be lack luster now that their is a tv series.

In other news, I don't have any, lol. Things are still the same. I'm still working out with Billy. I did buy the P90X. An AWESOME score off Craigslist. Only $65!!!! Sweet. So anyway, my ass needs to be in shape to handle P90X because it is INTENSE. So I'm currently working on getting my ass in shape so I can use the P90X to make my ass look nice.

Ooh Chile My Ass is Fat

2010-05-12T16:36:00.004-05:00

Seriously. So I finally got around to exercising. Yeah me!!! And somehow I was able to keep up with Billy. Although, that's not really a surprise as I'm still active. Just not an active exerciser. But whoo chile my ass is fat! I took my measurements today and I am NOT happy. Ironically, it's been almost a year since I last measured myself. So let's take a look at where I was this time last year...

05/15/09
Waist-34 inches
Body Fat-32.7%
Hips-38.5 inches
Thighs- (L-21 inches) (R-20 3/4 inches)
Pants size- 10/11
BMI-25.42
Weight-157.5lbs

Now, let's see where I am today.

05/12/10
Waist- 39.5 inches
Body Fat- 32.45%
Hips- 43 inches
Thighs- (L-27 inches) (R- 27 inches)
Pants size- 13/14
BMI- 30.34%
Weight- 188lbs

So as you can see, I'm doing something wrong. It's like all the Little Debbie and Otis Spunkmeyer I've been eating has planted a fat baby inside my stomach. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in myself. Because I know better. But the truth of the matter is I've been going through some major depression and major grief. And despite all the friends and family I have, I always turn to food first. *sigh* But if I made a commitment to myself last year then I can do it again this year. So I, Makita, am committing to taking care of myself spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I've been doing really good in the spiritual and emotional departments. Now it's time to step it up and complete the whole package.

Now for the accountability.... Every 2 weeks I will weigh myself. I've taken a before picture (warning: it is NOT pretty), but I will not be taking a photo every 2 weeks. See below and you'll understand why. I will eat healthier. I'm not going to lie and say I will never have another donut, but I can say I will not eat another box of donuts or eat them in excess. I'd like to get down to 155lbs. Once I reach the halfway point I'll post another photo. So that's a total of 38lbs I'd like to lose. And once I reach my goal weight I will take an after photo. But I will not stop there. I plan to continue the exercise although I will modify it to maintain my weight. Yeah, I know I made the same promise last year, but to be honest only time will tell.

Weight...

Body shot....

I told you it wasn't pretty. So let's see how this all shapes up. Hopefully nicely!

Seriously, This is IT

2010-05-12T15:16:00.002-05:00

Okay, I know I've been saying I'm going to get rid of my weight gain for awhile now. Well, this time I mean it. So here goes. It's time for accountability. Later today I will be posting my body measurements just like I did last year along with my current weight. The plan is still the same--eating better and working out. This time around I will be stepping it up to using Taebo Amped (yes my love affair with Billy will continue) and if I am able to purchase it, I will be starting a new lover affair with Tony Horton and do P90X. My goal? To get rid of this flabby stomach. I'm loving my hips and butt. My thighs? Not so much. But I know I need to work on my overall body so wherever I lose is okay. I just really want to get back to being healthy. Because I know the junk that I am shoving in my mouth is NOT healthy. And sitting on my ass watching Deal or No Deal does nothing for me. Especially, when I could be using that time to exercise. And even more so because I hate that show. So here we go, I'm getting started TODAY. No more excuses!!!!

Motherhood Is....Giveaway WINNER POSTED

2010-05-09T20:00:00.005-05:00

Yeah I know, I know. I'm kind of late with posting this. But oh well, free stuff is free stuff. So here's the deal. First, you have to be a mother. Of course, I don't have the power to check into every entrant's uterus to be sure. So I'm going on the honor code. Yes, I know it's discrimination to only allow mothers to enter. Well it's my blog so nana nana boo. Second, you can only enter once. The winner will be picked via a random number generator. To enter, leave a comment telling me what motherhood is to you. I love you all, but please leave only a sentence or two. I really don't want to read a novel, lol. I know you all love your babies and while I love to hear a mother's pride...the blog only has so much space ;) The contest will end on Wednesday, May 12th at 11:59pm. The winner will be chosen on Thursday. So check back on Thursday to see if you're the lucky winner. Of course, you're probably asking why is she giving something away... did she get a crappy gift that she wants to pawn off on someone? Nope. I just decided it would be nice to gift a wonderful mother with something just for her. Not for the kiddos. Because we all know we've walked into a store intent on buying just ourselves something and walked out without anything for ourselves and everything for the youngsters. So here's your chance to have something just for you. Well, what it is you ask? That's where the fun comes in. It's a surprise. Nope, I'm not telling. Not even if you send tiny elves to tickle my feet as I sleep. But I will tell you this. It'll be 100% hand crafted with love.

So....enter by leaving a comment telling me what motherhood is. Also, let me know you're favorite color. Good luck!!!

Motherhood is never using the bathroom alone without someone knocking on the door asking if you need help.

Motherhood is always having to share your food even when you want to be totally stingy, but you share anyway.

Motherhood is waking up every morning knowing that your day will be full of surprises--some fun, others....not so much-- but when you go to bed at the end of the day you'll want to do it all again tomorrow.

WINNER:
Thank you to all who entered. I really enjoyed reading your reasons on what Motherhood Is to you. The winner of the contest by random number is.............

~~~~~~~~~~~Form of Jane~~~~~~~~~

Congrats Jane! And congrats to everyone who already have the best gift already--your children!

I Weep For The State of Today's Youth and For My Thighs

2010-05-05T19:02:00.002-05:00

On this 5th day of May, known as Cinco de Mayo, I wept. Okay, I actually laughed my ass off and then shook my head in despair. I was working one of my stores when these 3 teens come onto my aisle. The three have a conversation.....

Blond girl: We need to get something for the Cinco celebration
Redhead girl: Like something from Mexico?
Boy: Yeah, we need something authentic.
Redhead: Hmmm...oh look we can get some Doritos. They're from Mexico.
Blond: Seriously? They're so good.
Redhead: yeah, they like import them from Mexico.

I almost peed my pants laughing so hard. I didn't have the heart to tell them those chips were made in Irving, TX. I can't believe how serious they were too. This is a sad, sad day for America when our teens think chips that say "American made" are imported .

Moving onward, I wept for my thighs today. So initially when I started gaining the weight back, I was like okay. It didn't bother me because well, while my ass is fat. It also looks AMAZING! I finally got some junk in my trunk. And who can blame a girl for liking a little badunk ka dunk? But my poor thighs are the ones suffering for my vanity. Almost all of my pants are tight around the thighs. And since I refuse to buy new pants, that means I need to be able to wear the ones I currently have comfortably. So what does this all mean? It means the fat ass has to go. *sigh* If I could keep the ass and lose the thighs, I'd be super happy. But I know one can't survive without the other. So I'm accepting it. It's cool. I had almost a whole year of a nice, plump butt. I

And I'm Supposed to Care Why?

2010-05-04T18:47:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry I left my "I give a damn" out in the rain. So it no longer works right.

Seriously, I've had it up to here today. I've gotten to the point where I just don't give a hot mess. Obviously, if you're reading this blog, it doesn't apply to you. It applies to the random dumb asses I know who feel the need to tell me shit I don't care about. Oh yeah, if you hadn't noticed I've gone back to cussing. Not full blown cussing like Samuel L Jackson cussing. But just a sprinkle here or there. Anyway, my cussing is not the issue. It's people who just assume I care about their mundane lives. Case in point, I'm at work shelving chips and this lady has the nerve to step to me and start asking me if working for my company caused me to gain weight. Seriously, what kind of question is that shit? I mean yeah I know I'm a fat ass but that's my damn business. And no it wasn't the job. It's the eating at all times of the day and this sitting on my ass that caused me to have a fat ass. So anyway moving back to this lady. She went on to tell me how when she started a job she gained all kinds of weight and blah blah blah I stopped listening blah blah blah. I turned around and said "I'm sorry, I left my give a damn out in the rain. It doesn't work right anymore." She walked off right quick after that.

Who did she think she was that she could come up to me and tell me about my fat ass? I don't know her like that. Well, okay I do kind of know her. I see her every once in awhile because she works for the store. But that doesn't justify or give her the right to comment on my fat ass. Yeah, I realize that my pants are now snug--okay who am I fooling? these damn pants are tight as hell--around the hips and thighs. But that's MY business. Ain't nobody complaining about her double child. Shoot. She better back up before she really gets told off. I don't care about her and her weight issues. I didn't ask her nothing. I was just standing there doing my thing, talking to my coworker, minding my own business. And here she come all sappy faced and bubbly. It's too damn early in the morning to be all bubbly. Shoot. Having the nerve to tell me about my fat ass. Heifer please *roll eyes*

And, no I'm NOT being sensitive.....okay, maybe a little.

Thinking I'm Going To Be a Fat Ass For a Little While Longer

2010-05-03T21:17:00.003-05:00

I was totally pumped this morning to get my ass back in gear. But then life hit me with another full frontal kick to the face. So now I have no motivation to do it. In fact, I don't want to do anything. This post is really just a waste of time as I'm not really saying anything. It's not even about the weight. I just feel like I suck at everything right now. ~sigh~ Maybe next week or even tomorrow I'll be done with this feeling and will be ready to kick my fat ass into gear.

Mrs. O Can Do No Wrong

2010-05-02T18:23:00.002-05:00

First of all, I don't give a hot damn if you didn't vote for President Obama, don't like him, or whatever. That's your prerogative and honestly I don't care. This is MY blog. But guess what? This post isn't even about him. Nope. It's about his other half. The beautiful, always classy First Lady Michelle Obama. YES!!!! This woman is just a huge breath of fresh air. Intelligent, caring, upstanding, and FIERCE! The woman can work any outfit from a no name designer to a world class famous one. I could go on and on about the woman.

Stupid Allergies, Super Sweet Netbook.

2010-05-02T17:38:00.004-05:00

My allergies are KILLING me!!!! Seriously! Every morning I wake up with itchy, red, yucky oozy eyes. And my throat feels like someone is rubbing sandpaper against it. Damn you allergies. I've been having a major love affair with showers to wash the pollen off and Claritin. I never had allergies before I lived in Texas. Thanks Texas!

I got a new netbook today! Whoo hoo! My old one was acting wonky. The power cord wasn't working anymore and the mouse pad was just worthless. So the hubster and youngins took it to Best Buy for me while I was at work. Well, the good old Geek Squad said my netbook was too old to be repaired. Imagine that. I just got it last year for Mother's Day. Oh well, I'm sure that meant it was ancient in geek speak. But ask me if I care? Go ahead....ask me. Cause I don't give a hot mess how old it is. I love love LOVE my new one. It's wider, but thinner. It's got a comfort mouse pad. And a bunch of cool stuff that the other one didn't have. Sweet!

Mother's Day: Something To Ponder

2010-04-29T08:48:00.003-05:00

*giggle* I absolutely love the word "ponder". I plan to use it at least several more times today. So moving forward, a question popped into my head as I sit here watching Good Morning America talk about Mother's Day. Is every mother worth celebrating? Yes, I just went there. Seriously, we all know there are horrible mothers in the world. Mothers who beat their children, neglect their children, use their children for their own personal gain, etc etc. Does this person need to be celebrated? Sure, we all like to pretend mothers are just the cream of the crop. And, yes there are some truly AMAZING women out there. BUT, I am not talking about these mothers. I am asking why should we celebrate these women who don't deserve it.

Now, keep this is mind. I grew up in a horrible situation so my feelings are biased. I remember every Mother's Day as a day I dreaded. I actually hated the two weeks leading up to it and two days following it in which everyone asked "What did you get your mom?". And heaven forbid if you said nothing. Because then you were the world's worst child who didn't appreciate your mother. Or you hear "you've only got one mother." To which I always secretly thought "good, I can't wait until its over.". Harsh, I know. But if you knew my history, you'd understand. But what I hated the most leading up to it was in school (before they started this teaching to the test bull) all activities were themed around women who were known as wonderful mothers. And, then we had to make cards and crafts to celebrate our mom. There were so many times I wanted to say "I don't want to make her something, she doesn't deserve it." And then Mother's Day would come and I'd have to give her the card/craft. I'd have to sit there and tell her how great of a mother she is and basically bullshit my way through the rest of the day. I'd go to church and listen to people tell me how lucky I am to have her and yadda yadda.

Now why am I saying all this? Especially when pretty much all of my fans are mothers themselves? Well, because I want you all to take time and ponder (there's that word again) the flip side of reality for all those children like me who are growing up in bad situations. On Mother's Day as you stop to think about your own children, think about those children out there who have to fake the funk to make it through the day. Those children need to be uplifted in prayer and thought. And if you know a child who does have to make it through the day, hug them. Hug them as tight as you can to let them know that someone IS thinking about them.

Chuck E Cheese: The Place Where Adults Like Me Can Go And Obliterate High Scores

2010-04-28T22:19:00.002-05:00

Yes, that's right. You are now reading the blog of the current high score holder of Street Hoops at the Chuck E Cheese in Allen, Tx. Yes, I know you're flattered. You should be. First, I'd like to thank my oldest brother who made it possible for a little girl to grow up and achieve her dream. All the days we hung out at Chuck E Cheese pretending to be apart of random birthday parties so we could score free tokens. Thanks bro! Next, I'd like to thank my old gynecologist who decided April 28th was a good day to deliver my son Sean. Without that birth, I'd have no reason to go to Chuck E Cheese today. Thanks Dr. Bansal, you rock! Of course, I'd like to thank my middle son Sean for letting me steal his birthday thunder as I screamed around the room "take that! Yeah BOY!!!!" complete in the Flava Flav voice. And I'd also like to thank last, but not least, my boys and Derrick who stood by and watched me waste their time by hording all the tokens so that I could smash that high score. Because of you all, I achieved my dream. Too bad it only paid out 4 tickets, but hey, I've got the memories and the high score...at least until someone (who'll more than likely end up on my LIST) comes and breaks it.

As you can see, today was totally awesome for me. Of course I went to work and operated off of only 3 hours of sleep. But, I managed to get everything done today that needed to be done. My middle son Sean was absolutely thrilled with his gifts and cake. And almost burst into sunshine when I told him we were going to Chuck E Cheese. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't also for me too, lol. I love the memories I made with my boys. It couldn't of been a better day.

Back When Mariah Used To Sing, She Inspired Me

2010-04-27T18:01:00.002-05:00

I mean like seriously SANG! The kind of singing that brings tears to your eyes because the emotion in their voice brings up all kinds of feelings you didn't even know you had. Mariah used to have me in tears because her voice just brought so much power to the lyrics. Now...not so much. Okay, wait. Her voice still moves me, but its just not her current voice. I hate that breathy sounding crap she does now. I wish she would put her voice back to use.

Anyway, I've been having my ups and downs. Well, a song that just always uplifts me and helps me make it through is Hero. Well, her song Make It Happen also picks me up. But Hero really does it for me. It is just so positive that you can't help but feel revived. I've got a lot going on in my life. And hearing the song just helps me center myself again. Every day is a small battle and being able to win makes me feel like I can conquer anything. And I know its because there is a hero that lives inside of me.

Fake Laughter Kills.....Eardrums

2010-04-25T18:25:00.002-05:00

Nothing grates my nerves more than fake laughing. Okay, there are several other things on my "That really gets on my damn nerves" list. But fake laughing is right up there. I was at work this morning and there was this lady laughing like a damn hyena and it was soooooooooo fake. She was trying to flirt with the produce manager and it was just an epic fail. All I could think of was the Janice character from Friends. So on my way out I passed by Mike and said "Hello Mr. Bing! Ehhhhhhhhhhh" <---- you know that annoyingly fake laugh Janice does. Mike cracked up, of course the hyena lady did not. Oh well. Bad flirting is terrible. Bad flirting with a horrible fake laugh is just plain wrong.

Boz Scaggs is White?!

2010-04-23T07:45:00.002-05:00

Seriously, I feel like a dumb ass. I've been listening to him for years and somehow I missed this little tidbit. LOL! When I heard it this morning I was like what?! NO!!!! Seriously?! NO!!! So of course the first thing I did when I got home was google him. And sure enough, he's a white guy. Kind of cute too. See above picture.

Does it matter? Nope. I love good music. No matter who makes it. The only thing I hate is bad music. Currently, there is some girl named Kesha(?) that is just making my ears bleed. I want to find this girl and smack her around until her voice box falls out. She should NOT be making music!!! If anybody sees her, please feel free to smack her for me.

Some of my favorite blue eyed singers off the top of my head are...

Michael McDonald
Kenny Loggins
Hall and Oates
Remy Shand
Elliot Yamin
Kris Allen
Boz Scaggs
Steely Dan

I'm Not Super Woman

2010-04-23T07:29:00.003-05:00

Where have I been? I honestly don't know. That's a question I don't even know the answer to. A lot has gone on in my life over the last several months. And some time during that period, I stopped being me and just went into a daze. Of course, I still looked like me, talked like me, and projected the ideal image everyone sees of me. But, I wasn't me. I was depressed. I lost myself in my grief and heart ache. For awhile it seemed like everything in the world that could go wrong could. Death, emotional distress, financial hardships, and tragic events. Am I over them? No. And not every issue has been fully dealt with. But, I am dealing with them. And the most important thing for me is to take my time doing it. I'm not Super Woman. I don't have to be her. I don't want to be her. I am ME. And if that's not good enough, then that's just too damn bad.

I am just happy to be alive. I am happy to have my wonderful boys in my life who teach me something new every day. And even though it's been very challenging this year, I still am thankful for my husband. But a relationship without challenges is a relationship without growth according to Prince. And you all know how much I love Prince! And really no matter what happens, I have done a lot of growing personally.

So moving onward, what does this all mean? I don't know. If I knew then I wouldn't learn anything at all. This is a new chapter for me. I'm moving forward with my life. I'm getting back to doing the things *I* enjoy doing. Most importantly, I'm making time for me. All this time, I thought I'd been living my life for myself. In hindsight, I realize that I've been living for everyone but me. And that's the problem. I can't live for my children. Or husband. Or relatives. Or friends. I have to live for Makita. Because I'm the only person who can live for me. And if I don't take care of myself, no one else will.

So I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm not Super Woman.

That Was....Surreal?

2010-02-11T18:12:00.002-06:00

I can't believe I just made my dad's death arrangements. My grandma and I just went over all the details. He's not gone yet, thankfully. But the time is getting close and my grandma decided it was time. I don't think any of you really want to hear the details so I'll spare ya. But man, that was just...weird to say the least. Honestly, I've been hoping this day would never come. But I guess we get everything together now so that we don't have to deal with it in our time of grief. The only thing I can think about right now is Mr. Omar from Everybody Hates Chris and how he used to "comfort" the widows. I totally need some comfort right now.... a hug or something. Wow, that was so hard.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2010-02-11T07:42:00.002-06:00

And I'm all alone.... at least for now. I was really surprised the schools are still open. However, I wouldn't be surprised if they closed at 10am that way they could still count the day as a full school day. Which would kind of piss me off because I got my nice warm ass out of bed this morning to take the boys to school. But it would kind of make me happy because then the boys and I could enjoy the weather. I've got all the ingredients needed to make oatmeal raisin cookies so I'll probably make a couple of batches for the boys at some point today.

I had originally planned to enjoy the day at Barnes and Noble. But now, I may just snuggle with a good book in my bed while I wait to find out if the boys are going to get out early. In other news, I found out I have a $14 fine at one of the libraries I visit. Ain't that a bitch? I forgot to tell the hubster to return my books for me when I was out of town and they charged me big time. Geesh! And since I love the library, I will definitely be paying my fine, but not today. Cause this weather sucks and I'm not going outside unless I absolutely have to.

Well, I'm off to snuggle with Cry Wolf by Patricia Briggs. Stay safe and warm out there today.

Living Like I'm Dying

2010-02-10T18:24:00.003-06:00

Okay, so that's not the exact title of the song, but that's the message I'm taking from it. Because with all the shit going on in my life, that's exactly how I plan to live from now on. Why should I sit around and wallow in misery all day? My life sucks right now. I got that. But that doesn't mean I have to let the suckiness (yes, I just made up a word. Talented, I know) suck me dry. So what does that mean for me? Well, first thing it means is I'm getting my ass back in shape. Tomorrow, I'm busting out the Taebo tapes. Yeah, baby. Me and Billy fixed to have another love affair. It also means I'm going to stop living so recklessly. WHAT?! Makita living recklessly, that's unheard of. I know, especially since I'm so damn dull. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex with random strangers, or any of the fun stuff. But I am a reckless person. How? With my personal problems. I lash out at the wrong people at the wrong times. And that accounts for a lot of pain in my life. I also don't give my forgiveness easily (although I am really being tested with that right now) because I always tell myself I have time. But I don't. And when you really think about it, every day we all get one day closer to death. Creepy, huh? I know. But it's true. So in addition to getting my fat ass back in shape. I want to get my personal relationships on track. Does that mean I'm going to apologize to every single person I've ever hurt. No. Of course not. Who the hell keeps count and a list of the people? I sure don't. But I will now craft my friendships with more care.

I guess I could do some other stuff too, but right now I can't think of anything else. So I leave with the video of Live Like You're Dying which is an awesome song, but a kind of sucky video.

Representing the Who Dat Nation

2010-02-07T08:25:00.002-06:00

Geaux Saints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, I Will NOT Go

2010-02-02T21:15:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking about it and thinking about it. I really seem to think a lot, don't I? And I've decided I will stay and fight. I will not slink off into the night. I did nothing wrong so why should I go? Why should I give up the things that I love? And blogging is something that I love to do. So, no I will not go. I will stay and fight. And I will stay and blog.

So, as I said I do have a lot going on. But keeping it bottled up will do more harm than good. So some days I will blog on it and some days I won't. But I have a plan. A good plan can get one through anything and I believe this plan will work. I need revamp my life for myself and for my boys. In 5th grade (shout out to Ms. Lacey) my teacher told us "What the mind can conceive, I can and WILL achieve." Every morning, we recited it after the pledge of allegiance. I achieved a lot in 5th grade through that motto. So I will now go forward in my life with the same motto. Every day I will remind myself that I can achieve anything I can conceive.

I am still planning out my list, but here are a few things I have worked out.

Goal #1 - Improve my mental health through therapy and other measures needed to achieve stability and happiness.

Goal #2- Work on my marriage.

Goal #3- Improve my physical health through steady exercise and a healthier lifestyle.

I know these goals can be achieved because I believe and know that I can obtain them. I will not go down without a fight. So I am here to stay.

Going Away

2010-01-31T10:49:00.002-06:00

Although this is a freshly conceived blog, I'm going to put it on hiatus for awhile. I've got a lot of stuff going on and a lot of changes occurring in my life. So once I get things in order I'll be back.

Thanks for reading.

Not Feeling The Burn

2010-01-28T12:14:00.002-06:00

Nope. Not at all. I haven't started working out yet. I keep telling myself that I will get there, but then I don't. One thing after another happens and I turn to food to help me feel better. My heart is constantly being ripped out and just when I begin to think its repairing itself, something new happens. So I call on my old friends Otis Spunkmeyer and Blue Bell and let go. I'm so tired of all the heart ache and I really don't think I can survive the last shredding of my heart.

It's Over

2010-01-26T15:05:00.004-06:00

Is there anything in this world worth fighting for? When I was younger, I use to believe my family was worth fighting for. Cause family is supposed to be everything. Yeah... that didn't work out so well. When I was a teenager, I got the silly idea that love was worth fighting for. Yeah.... that's not working out so well either. Sometimes, I think life is worth fighting for. But now I just don't care. I give up. I quit. I don't have anymore fight left in me. Because nothing is worth fighting over. If you don't fight, you can't get hurt. If you don't get hurt, you won't feel anything. And I don't want to feel.

My Very Own Gladys And a Crazy Weirdo

2010-01-23T22:28:00.003-06:00

I swear this has been one of the funniest/weirdest work days of my life. I can't help but chuckle as I recall all of it. At my third stop of the day, which happens to be a Kroger's grocery store, I was happily minding my own business and restocking the aisle when this elderly lady bumped into me. I moved over a little bit and went back to business. She did it again. The funny thing is she looked completely unaware that she was doing it. The third time she bumped me I said "Ma'am, can I help you find something?" She looked at me, blushed, and then said "I'm sorry. I'm a little drunk." And then just walked off. I laughed so hard tears started streaming down my face. Micheal, one of the beer guys, asked what was so funny so I told him. He too started laughing and said "yeah, that lady smelled like she'd been drinking since sun up". It was barely two o'clock! Seriously, that was just crazy. After I finished my aisle, I did go seek her out to make sure she was with someone and not alone. Thankfully, she was. I think she was with her son.

The whole incident made me think of Gladys. Ya'll know who Gladys is, right? Aside from me, she's about the funniest thing I've ever seen on the Ellen show. Gladys is the business. She loves Jesus, but she also likes to drink a little. If you haven't seen the video, I highly recommend you do. Just Google the Ellen show and Gladys. Okay, okay...I'll post it here cause I know some of you are lazy and don't want to do the extra work. Gladys is the business!

So the next crazy thing to happen to me today was this asshole who said to me "While you're down there, say a prayer for me too." I was on my knees working the bottom shelves and he just came out of nowhere and said that. I ignored him completely and was proud of myself for not faltering in my routine. I managed to keep working as if I hadn't heard a word. Now, normally I just shrug off comments like this or laugh along with them. But this guy had a nasty sneer to his voice that made me so uncomfortable. So it made me feel a lot better when he realized after standing there for about 2 minutes that I wasn't going to respond to him. I could tell I took the wind out of his sails and made him feel like an idiot. Yeah me!

What a day, lol!

My Sean, He's The Best

2010-01-22T14:48:00.003-06:00

After having a very awesome day turn into a very shitty one courtesy of one of the most heartless gynecologists I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Don't worry, I won't be seeing her or any gyn again for as long as I live. Anyway, my Sean totally lifted my spirits. I received the following email from his teacher about 30 minutes ago.

I received a cupcake from a former student today, and decided to eat it during snack time. I'm not a huge fan of sweets, so I took the icing top off of it and threw it away, eating only the cake part.

Sean came to me about 5 mins later and said, (in a very serious tone) "Miss Cross. Next time someone brings you a cupcake, please just get a plate, and put the icing on it and not in the trash. I will eat it. There is no need to ever waste icing."

Haha!! I laughed until I cried. He was devastated that I would be so crazy and throw away the "best part."

Thought you would think that was funny.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Kelly

This was just what I needed to get me back in the game. My silly son makes my heart swell.

Forget Javier, I Need a MAID!!!!!

2010-01-21T15:49:00.002-06:00

So my secret fantasy is to have an incredibly hot masseur named Javier steal me away in the afternoons and massage my body into pure bliss. *Sigh* Just thinking about it makes me giddy. But, and I'm really sad to admit this, I'd gladly trade Javier for a maid. Today is my deep cleaning day and I hate every minute of it. Cleaning after my boys used to be tolerable and kind of cute (I used to find hidden things like Tonka trucks and cookies). Now, as they get older its just getting gross and annoying. Derrick and I have laid down some rules and doled out some chores, but it's still the pits. Not cool at all. Baby drool on a pillow was adorable. Little kid drool....not so much. Would it kill them to pick up their dirty clothes and put them in their hamper? It's RIGHT there, in the exact same place that it has always been. I'm just saying.

Okay, I'm lying. I would NOT give up Javier for a maid. Mama needs her massages. Just the thought of strong hands working out all the kinks is enough to make me forgive my boys for their slovenly ways.

So I've got a lot to do today. Actually, I've done a lot today already. Doctor's appointment this morning for a physical. Which was like the laziest physical ever. The doctor spent more time squealing over my Purple Rain tee shirt than he did looking at me. Go figure. Basically, all they did was draw my blood and listen to my heartbeat. I was totally expecting to get poked and prodded and perform all kinds of physical tests. But nope. A look here, a knock there, a prick here and I was done. From there I came back home and got to work on setting up this blog. Then I started to clean. All I have left to do is take down our Christmas tree and finish the bathrooms. Yep, you read right. Our tree is still up. Why? Cause I'm extra lazy and its just been at the bottom of my list.

So fun times, fun times ahead.

Oh, I did get my weight today from the doctor. But since I like to weigh myself either naked or minimal clothing....YES, clothes REALLY do add an extra 15lbs, lol. I don't think it's accurate. So I'm in denial until I can get naked and step on my own scale.

Welcome!

2010-01-21T11:27:00.000-06:00

Come on in, have a seat, get yourself something to eat. Cause you're in for one hell of a good time with me. So what do you think about my new place? After thinking and thinking and THINKING about it for months, I finally went ahead and combined my blogs. Why have two blogs and force myself to do all the extra work when I really didn't have to? So, here you'll find all of my posts from both Operation Fitness and Random Thoughts. It's going to take me a day or so to really get it all together, but so far so good.

Now here comes the part where I give my good old disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Makita is NOT for the faint of heart or easily offended.

I do try to mindful of other people when I post because, really, does anyone ever want to read a post just full of ranting? Nope. And I sure don't like writing them. Sometimes my mouth moves faster than my common sense though and occasionally you'll get a post just full of me mouthing off. But I try to keep it to a minimum. Just know that I say what I mean and I mean what I say. And sometimes what I say surprises even me, lol.

For those of you who like to comment, please note I do not tolerate plain racism, sexism, bigotry, abuse of any kind, etc. So if you're coming here to be hateful, save yourself some time and keep it moving. You don't have to agree with me or like my opinions, but I'll be damned if I put up with ignorance and hate.

So now that we've gone through the house rules, let's talk a little about this blog. Basically, it's just some good old Makita in blog form. It'll pretty much follow me throughout my life, parenting, my fitness goals, and my life pursuits. Along with random things like books I've reading, music I'm loving, people annoying me, and so on and so forth. So have a seat....

Meh...

2010-01-20T13:28:00.000-06:00

So I've been holding out on blogging because I'm torn one what I'd like to do. I've been toying around with the idea of combining my two blogs since my readers are pretty much all the same people or keeping them separate. I really don't know what I to do. So bare with me as I go through the "I think I want to/I think I don't want to" moments. Anyway, I haven't done shit in the workout department. I'm actually sick now and refuse to work out. All I really want to do is just lay in a bubble bath all day long and read trashy romance novels, the kind with the half naked men on the cover :D I have a physical tomorrow and then the ever so lovely well woman's exam on Friday. And since I had made those in anticipation of starting up a workout routine, I'm guessing those will push me into getting in gear. Nothing like a doctor confirming your fatassness (yes, I just made that word up....you can thank me later) to make you want to run to the nearest gym.

My Fat Ass is Back And Its Not Pretty

2010-01-08T15:59:00.000-06:00

It has been several months since I've last written. I wish I could say I had nothing but wonderful news, but nope I don't. My fat ass has come back and its not pretty. At all. I haven't weighed myself yet, but I can bet my last dollar (actually, I only have about 42 cents in my pocket) that my weight matches my fat ass....huge. I know you're thinking "girl, what happened? You was looking fabulous!" Well, I'll tell you what happened. Mainly, its a sob story and since this isn't Lifetime, I'll just cut to the chase. My Dad's cancer came back, I had a hard time looking for a job, my emotional health plummeted, and I got lazy. So to make myself feel better I called up my old friends Otis Spunkmeyer and Little Debbie. And, we all partied until the fat started piling back on. I also started a love affair with Frito Lay. It is what it is. And while I'm not ashamed because shit we all have our bad moments, I am disappointed in myself. Cause I *knew* better. Yet, I didn't care. But I guess when you are depressed, you don't care about a whole lot anyway.

So why do I care now? I don't know. I mean, I don't have any special trips planned or want to win a contest or anything. I guess its cause I look in the mirror and I'm like "who the hell is that fat bitch? EWWWW." I know you all are thinking "girl, you still look good." Yeah, okay, if you say so. But I don't feel good. My belly makes me look 5 months pregnant and my thighs rub together. Not good. Not good at all. So here I am again in a new year trying to be a new me.

Will I diet? No, I never diet. But I will get back to eating healthier and more importantly learning how to TALK my problems out instead of trying to cover the pain with food. Maybe I'll reward myself with something along the way to help me reach my goal. The first thing I need to do is get my ass on the scale so I can take ownership of the fat. And then from there I'll proceed.

So...Are You Planning to Update Us or WHAT?

2009-05-24T13:23:00.000-05:00

My bad, my bad. I've been on vacation from the weight loss. Sorry. But yes, all that pushing and hard work I did the last 12 weeks paid off. I WON! I am so proud of myself. And now that the contest is over, I plan to maintain my loss. I've decided to start weight lifting. No, I'm not trying to look like a female version of Arnold Schwarzenegger...seriously, who would want that? My goal is to define my muscles and tone them up. I recently purchased one of the best books I have ever read when it comes to fitness, The New Rules of Lifting for Women: Lift Like a Man, Look Like a Goddess. The books is absolutely solid gold.

So this is where I am now. The pounds are off and now it's time to define them curves that I have. So you know when I get stopped by some rabid, foaming at the mouth, obsessed fan who thinks I'm Janet Jackson I can dropkick their ass into the next decade :D. Actually, I could probably do that now. But still, you know.

So I'm going to revamp my blog a little. I'm thinking I want to take monthly pictures of my body so that I can have a photo timeline of how the muscles in my body are shaping up.

Wish me luck. And, remember...Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires!

I Pushed and I Pushed and I Pushed

2009-05-15T08:16:00.000-05:00

Actually, I started pushing last week after my last weigh in. When I realized I was only 7lbs from having lost an even 40lbs, I decided to go for it this. So I pushed myself to the max. And while most of it was for the contest, the other part was the desire to be able to say "I just lost 40lbs"! And because well who wouldn't want to try to do it if it was within their reach. So I pushed and pushed and pushed. Seven pounds is the most I've ever lost in a week. And, it'll also be the last time I do again. I don't recommend, nor endorse it. But I am happy with it. I have now lost a total of 40lbs since Feb. WOW! That is just unbelievable. And now my husband owes me $100 from a bet we placed 7 years ago when I first got into the whole TaeBo thing. He told me it was a joke and that he doubted I'd lose even 10lbs. Well, 7 years later and now he has egg on his face, lol. I can't wait to tell him. Although, I doubt he'll give me $100 over it. I have a feeling he is going to have a case of selective amnesia.

What a journey! I can't believe the contest is over. Well, actually I can. And thank goodness!!! I want to do nothing but eat an entire box of doughnuts. But you know what the crazy part is? I couldn't even if I wanted to now. I can maybe eat 1 or 2, but if I even attempt to eat more, I feel sick. I've cut sweets almost out of my diet. Save for the occasional cupcake binge ;-) or chocolate bar, I really don't eat sweets anymore. After reading a bunch of books on weight loss and shrinking your waist line, I've found that sugary foods are the culprit. So I've done my best to Just Say No. And wow, it has actually paid off. When the contest started, my waistline was at 39 inches and now it's at 34!!! Of course it went up and down for awhile. But still!!! I've gone from a size 14/15 in pants to a now 10/11!

Now that the contest is over, the real challenge of maintaining the weight lost begins...

Stay tuned!

Before and After Photos

2009-05-14T21:36:00.000-05:00

So tonight I took my "after" photo for the contest. You may remember the one I took at the beginning. I decided to wear the exact same outfit to show the difference. The shirt no longer stretches across my body...okay, it still does stretch across my breasts. But well, what can I say? I'm top heavy and these girls aren't going anywhere anytime soon. But the point is that the shirt is now fitting loosely. If you look at the back, you can see where the shirt bunches up because it doesn't stretch across my back anymore. Sweet! Also, I had to fold down the top of my shorts so that they wouldn't slip down. How awesome is that? But, I'm really happy with my results. My belly has shrunk considerably which is making me smile incredibly wide. My arms also look slightly smaller. I think I'll definitely focus on them next to get them nice and defined. So enough with talk, here are the photos :)

Before: Taken 02/19/09

After: Taken 05/14/09

Last Day

2009-05-14T08:18:00.000-05:00

So although the contest ends tomorrow, today is technically the last day for me as I send in my weight on Friday mornings. So today is my last day to really workout. I have a big day planned too. I've been working out twice a day every day this week. Today, I'm going to push even harder by working out for a little longer doing my workouts. I am SO thankful though that my period came last week and I don't have any bloating this week. Plus, even though I still do it, I don't have to work out on my period. I really hate doing that because all I ever want to do is sleep and eat chocolate glazed donuts....ooh donuts.

So I'm off to get my day started for my last chance workouts.

Biggest Loser (Show) Finale

2009-05-12T22:01:00.000-05:00

WOW! I can't believe Helen won. Okay, actually I can. When they brought her out, I thought to myself "she looks really good, she'll probably win". I am just so happy that Mike and Ron didn't win anything. I didn't like those two at all. But congrats to both of them. I feel a little sad for Tara cause she literally worked her ass off along with her belly, thighs, and arms. But it took her a long time to come to the realization that she really wanted to win. Scratch that, that she deserved to win. Oh well. The biggest thing is they all changed their lives for the better.

And speaking of...so have I. This is the last week of the Biggest Loser contest with the mom's group I'm in. I don't want to sound cocky which is why I haven't mentioned my standing in the contest very much. Because honestly, it's not about swagger to me or bragging rights. Yes, I want the money. Yes, I deserve the money (as well as others working hard). And I hope to goodness that I win. I am currently number one in the contest. And I just hope I can keep the lead. I am working extra hard this week. I want to win so bad. I will not lie. I will definitely be hurt if I lose, but knowing I have changed my life for the better will be a nice comfort. And, losing to one of the other ladies will make me feel proud because they have all strived so hard. These ladies are incredible and inspire me to keep going.

Whether I win or lose, after the contest I will continue on my journey. Because fitness is a journey, not a destination. And I am enjoying the ride. I have hit my current goal of 165lbs. I would love to be 150lbs by the end of the year. No matter what this has been a great time in my life. I have lost all of the baby weight I have ever gained from all three of my pregnancies. And I have knocked off weight that was just from Little Debbie and Betty Crocker. I am so proud of myself. And nothing, not even a contest, can take that from me.

Help! I've Been Robbed!

2009-05-11T12:35:00.000-05:00

Somebody stole the little junk that I had in my trunk! Seriously...I mean it. My panties don't fit anymore. Yes, I said my panties don't fit anymore. Stop laughing. I never had a whole lot of junk in my trunk to begin with and now I'm about to suffer from flat ass syndrome. Now don't get me wrong, I'm loving the weightloss and my new body. But nobody told me about losing my ass. And, yes I was too clueless to put two and two together and figure it out on my own. I'm trying not to complain, really. But it sucks. I've never had a big ass, but at least it was nice. Now it's starting to deflate. How am I supposed to pull off being Janet Jackson if I don't have an ass? Yeah at first people will be fooled, but then once I turn around they are going to be like what the hell! So now I have to take money out of my soon to be hired bodyguards (to protect me from the ravaging fans) to pay for ass pads. Cause I just refuse to get plastic ass surgery. Do they make ass pads in cotton? Cause you know, I need breathable material.

GOAL!!!

2009-05-08T11:47:00.000-05:00

Just popping in for a quick post to say I hit my goal weight of 165lbs!!! I'm really proud of myself. Anyway, no time to blog today. The littlest one is sick with a cold and is MISERABLE. So I'm off to take care of my little guy.

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Ooh!!!

2009-05-05T12:54:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know! It's been forever since I've posted something. I'm sorry. Thank you to everyone who sent me emails asking what's going on. What's going on is my husband now works out of home and hogs the computer room when he isn't traveling. Last week he was out of town, but I was just too swamped with my boys and work to find the time to blog. And, then once I did get some energy, the husband came home and took over the computer room. Which drove me nuts because he has a freaking laptop so he shouldn't be utilizing the office. Okay, well...it is HIS office, but still. A girl needs to spend countless hours on facebook, blogging, chatting, and websurfing. But I digress...

Anyway, I've been doing really well. I'm still losing weight and last week I made some progress in losing inches. Which is what I really want. I'm doing very well in the Biggest Loser contest and I'm really hoping to maintain the lead because the money would be very nice. But, like I said from the beginning, it's about the money, but it's also about so much more. I'm healthy. I'm able to walk, run, climb, and wrestle without feeling winded or like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. So if I don't win (I'll cry my heart out, lol) I'll be happy because I have totally reinvented myself and that is priceless. Yes, money is nice. But being able to keep up with my boys and seeing myself growing old with my husband is better than anything money can buy.

Which brings me to the title of today's blog. NO! I'm not getting married. I'm already taken. LOL. But when I was thinking about posting something today, it's the title that stuck with me. So here goes....

Something old...I'm proud to say while I'm still a size 12, I was able to get into a very old dress that I haven't worn since after my second son's birth!

Something new...I got a new laptop. Although, it's small as crap and irritates me a little because it's so small. But I love it. The hubster bought it for me so I wouldn't have to wait on him to finish in our home office. What a guy! It's also an early Mother's Day gift.

Something borrowed... I got new books from the library, lol.

Something Ooh (as in Ooh la la)... In a few weeks, I will be celebrating my 6th wedding anniversary. And the hubster is taking me away for a little trip without the kids. We haven't been together without the kids in like 4 years so this is a very needed trip. Anyway, I picked up this awesome bathing suit that I plan to wear. I'm so excited too because I haven't worn anything this sexy to swim in since forever. And, I owe it all to the contest. It has given me so much confidence. I can't wait to surprise my husband with it. Normally, I wear one of those blob like things from Walmart.

Um....Okay? I Guess

2009-04-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

So I just took a really quick look at why I'm losing pounds and not inches. And, well according to two sites I am either losing inches in areas I'm not recording or I'm not eating enough protein. I guess both kind of make sense. I'm not recording my bra size, but I know I have definitely lost inches around my band because I was wearing a 38 band size when I started. And now I'm wearing a 36, but even that is starting to feel loose. I suppose I should go get professionally measured to double check my bra size. As for the protein though, I'd have to double check what I've eaten the last few weeks. But, in honesty I'm too lazy to sit around remembering what I ate. So I'm just going to go with the first explanation, lol.

Roadblock

2009-04-24T08:02:00.000-05:00

So I think I've reached a bit of a roadblock. I know none of you probably agree with me though. It seems like I can't lose an inch on anything. It's like my body has found its comfort zone. But that's not good. Cause the more I lose in pounds, the more my inches stay the same. And I want my inches to shrink. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Makita, sit down and shut up!!" I know, but I just can't. Plus, my body fat continues to creep up as the pounds come off. So that tells me losing inches is more important than losing pounds. I just don't get what's happening. Is it because I started a toning program and I'm trying to tone things up? Hmm...I just don't know. I guess that will be my google quest for today. Oh wait, the hubster is coming home today ;) That google quest is going to have to be put on hold. I really can't wait to see him.

So anyway, back to the drawing board for me. I know that I've been really hard on my body lately with the constant exercising. It's been the only thing the past two weeks that has kept me grounded and sane while the hubster was out of town. So I know I worked myself too hard. So next week I'm planning to take it easy. I know it can't be good for my body to lose close to 8lbs in two weeks. My middle son's birthday is next Tuesday, so I'll probably indulge some cake. Oh, but don't worry. I'll still keep my routine. It just won't be as vigorous.

Feeling So Burnt Out

2009-04-23T21:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know what it is. But I am just feeling so burnt out today. I went to the park with my boys today and ran around with them. So that's about all the exercise I have gotten for today. I just can't seem to pull it together to exercise. I am just burnt out. I'm hoping I can pull it together before bed to at least get a 30 minute workout in. But the way I feel right now, I just want to sleep. I just want to lay down, pull the covers over my head, and sleep for days. ARGH! I hate feeling this way.

*UPDATE*
I forced myself to work out for 30 minutes before I hit the shower and went to sleep.

Who's That Lady?

2009-04-19T12:52:00.000-05:00

Why... it's me!!!! So I was superly inspired by last week's episode of the Biggest Loser. For those of you who missed it, it was makeover week. Now coupled with the fact that my long dreadlocks have been working my nerve for awhile now. Thanks to a wonderful little guy who is obsessed with trying to grab them so he can eat them. And then add that to yesterday's fun playdate that was all about cutting hair. So badda bing badda boom...I cut my locs!!! Not all the way off. I love my locks. I've been natural for 5 years this summer and locked for 3 now. So I wasn't ready to just let them go. But I was ready to say bye bye to the length. So inspired by the show, friends, and myself I decided now was the time. Plus, it's only fitting for me to have my own little makeover session. I've lost 23lbs so far. So I think a new Makita was in order. My kids love it. My oldests are now calling me "special, new Mommy" and they love it. Now Patrick (the one who wants to eat it) is like "what the hell mom? You didn't even give me a chance!" LOL, he'll get over it!

I just wanted to share this all with you. You all are a great support system for me. :)

Before:

After:

It Feels Like Time Is Standing Still...Or At Least the Calculators Are

2009-04-17T08:05:00.000-05:00

So it's the end of another week. I've lost 4lbs. Yeah me! But I feel like time is standing still or the calculators are. The body fat percentage is perplexing me. I've been thinking of finding a place to do the actual water test where they measure your body fat by having you sit in water. Sometimes, it's not that big of a deal and sometimes it is. That number just fluctuates and it's starting to irritate me. If I lose pounds it doesn't move or it goes up. If I lose inches then it goes down. Oh well, whatever. I'm just happy the pounds are still coming off, but I have a feeling that the majority of the weight loss came from last week's workout. I think being bloated Betty threw off my numbers. I'm still happy though. That means I am now down to the last 10lbs. Super sweet!

But now I am off to go lay in bed for awhile. I'm exhausted and could use several days of sleep. But unfortunately, I have way too much stuff to do today so that's not an option. So I'll just have to work with what I have. Until next time!

Down to The Last 15lbs

2009-04-14T08:36:00.000-05:00

So Biggest Loser contest aside for a moment, guess what? I'm down to the last 15lbs of my current goal weight which is 165lbs. I say current because my overall weight goal is to be down to 150lbs. I'm so psyched and so proud! I can't believe I am close to being where I was before I had kids. Isn't that crazy?! I KNOW!! So I've added in some toning exercises to help tone my arms and legs. I mean, really, what good is it having lost all the weight if the flab is just there? I've got to show off my sexy body come summer. Plus, I want people to be like "damn, is that Janet Jackson over there?" Hmm...I guess I need to get started on hiring my bodyguards.

You know who is really excited, but very low key about it? My husband. He's never complained ever about my weight or body. He absolutely loves it. So where is his excitement coming from? His excitement is coming from me. He sees how happy I am now that I'm not struggling with the extra weight. Seriously, I could barely run to the mailbox without getting winded. He knows how happy I am that I can now keep up with my boys, jog, dance, and do whatever now. Also, losing weight and exercising daily has helped a lot with my depression battles. I feel good, really good. I'm so glad I decided to make this change in my life.

I can't wait to reach my goal. Well, actually I can because the journey is so sweet.

Accountability...That's What Friends Are For

2009-04-13T07:38:00.000-05:00

And thank goodness I have friends who actually care. So last week was just horrible for me with eating. But I did manage to continue to exercise. But this weekend was a struggle. I literally had to force myself to get up and get moving. And here's where my friends came in. On Sunday, I was planning to waste the day away eating chocolate marshmallow eggs because I was sad over the hubster being out of town. So I posted how I was feeling on Facebook and one of my girls pulled me back to reality by encouraging me to get up and go exercise (thanks Jamie!). And that got me to thinking about my friends offline who encourage me to keep going (Chinelle, Sekayi, Elizabeth, Pam, Kim) and my online friends and people who follow my blog. The comments you all leave encourage me and make me feel great that there are people out there who want to see me succeed. When I log on and see "a comment awaits moderation" I get gleeful. The comments are always positive and uplifting. And that just makes me want to work harder because I like knowing I'm held accountable. If I eat a bag of chips or a sleeve of Oreos somebody is going to call me out on it. Now, some of you are just bad, lol, and ask me if I had cheese on my fries but it's all good. Cause I know you all care and want to see me around later in life and not at my funeral cause I suffered a massive coronary cause I just had to have the double bacon cheeseburger with extra cheese and bacon with the loaded fries followed by a double chocolate shake....mmm, now I'm hungry, lol.

But thank you to everyone. Thank you so much!!!

Why That Sneaky Little...

2009-04-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

I can't believe she pulled a fast one on me. Okay well I guess I have to believe it since she's here staring me in the face. I guess this is her payback from last month when I shut her down by continuing to workout instead of curling into a ball like I normally do. Ms. Thang showed up yesterday. And she didn't give any of her normal "I'm coming to ruin your life for a few days" signs. Well, I did get the bloating, but I didn't even connect the two since I wasn't expecting her until early next week. And I did get the bitchiness, but I always have a dose of bitchiness in me so I just thought it was the same old stuff. Plus, I've had a lot going on at home so all this just bypassed me as more shitty stuff happening. But at least now it explains the whole binge over the weekend. While I'm happy to say I've given up the kool-aid and have gone back to water only and I'm not eating anymore cupcakes (but let's be real here, I'm not eating them only because I've eaten them all). Yesterday, I had a total meltdown and ate a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies along with a Kit-Kat bar. I totally needed the chocolate. Seriously. It's like a medication for PMS. Really, I'm not lying. Go look it up on wedmd.com. Okay, not wedmd because they ruin all the fun. But I'm sure their is some site out their that will support my claim.

So anyway to make up for my insanity, I worked out before bed last night. I've moved back over to Taebo. But I'm doing the beginners workout again and not the Ultimate Taebo because I don't want to hurt my back again. That pilates workout DVD I bought just wasn't working for me. Yeah, I felt the burn and all that. But it's BORING!!! So I'll just have to shelve that for now.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow weigh in and measurements simply because I'm bloated Betty over here. But all what the hell, I earned these pounds so I don't care.

Not My Cup of Tea, But It'll Do

2009-04-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

So tonight I tried out the new workout DVD I bought at Target over the weekend. Yeah...the one I watched while eating a cupcake and drinking kool-aid. LOL, I know. So anyway, tonight I tried it out. In my honest opinion, it was boring as hell. In my political correct opinion, it was okay. Maybe it's because I'm a kick ass type of female so I need high intense workouts. Maybe it was boring because I only bought it so I could support breast cancer research. I don't know, but whatever it is it's just not working for me. But I'm going to keep working with it, in hopes that I see some results.

I Dropped The Ball Over the Weekend

2009-04-06T09:20:00.000-05:00

So I'm supposed to be dropping these pounds like their hot. But the only thing I've been dropping lately is the ball. I confess, I let the weight loss go to my head this weekend. On Friday, I was just incredibly baffled on how I managed to drop four pounds while not doing my normal routine. It just and still doesn't add up to me. I know, you're like "Makita! Stop stressing over those four pounds, you were obviously doing something right". Yeah, I know that. But I can't help but be suspicious. So anyway, because I miraculously lost those four pounds I got a little big headed on Friday and was like "well shit then I can eat whatever I want and still lose weight". WRONG! But did I listen? Nope, I binged on cupcakes and kool-aid all weekend. And to top it off, I ate fried chicken (mmm, it was so good too), some extra cheesy, incredibly gooey pizza, and fried corndogs and tater tots. UGH, it was like I just couldn't stop. The little bitch inside me kept saying "oh just enjoy yourself, you know it'll come off later." And dammit, I did enjoy myself. ARGH!!!! I said I wasn't going to do this to myself. I said I wasn't going to beat myself up over diet this time around.

But I just feel so bad. Especially, since I know I can do better. I let the numbers in the BL contest go to my head. I was basically gloating. And I hate gloaters. It's just tacky and unsportmans like. ARGH!!! Makita!!! And to add insult to injury, I did not work out at all this weekend. Well, I did on Friday, but on Saturday I traded in my workout to give myself a pedicure. I know! And, I fucking hate the color too. Serves me right. And then on Sunday, I spent the day whining about my hair. Somehow I've lost all my rubberbands and couldn't tie my hair back. So I used that as an excuse not to exercise. Cause you know, hair flying at a high speed can be lethal. So I did absolutely nothing this weekend, but sit on my ass ea,t cupcakes and other crap, and bitch. ARGH!!!

Oh wait, I did go to Target where I got this new Pilates workout for strengthening and firming up your body. And, I did open the DVD and actually watch it...while eating a cupcake and drinking some black cherry kool-aid. Shameful, I know.

So I totally need to refocus. I'll be damned if I throw away all my hard work now. Although, this did remind me that I need to work on weight management and how to control it after the weight has come off. Cause I sure don't want to go back to the obese category again.

I Think I'm In Shock!!!

2009-04-03T08:31:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I don't understand what happened. Was the back injury a hallucination of my sleep deprived mind? Honestly, I didn't do very much this week. I cried, moaned, and pouted! But the one thing I did not do was turn to Otis Spunkmeyer and Ben and Jerry to comfort me because I was bummed over hurting my back. Could that be a reason why I managed to maintain my weight loss and actually lose FOUR pounds!!! Is just seems weird, and not the good kind of weird, but creepy weird. Hmmm...

So let me back up and tell you what happened after I found out about my back on Tuesday. Well, I wasn't happy with hearing that I had sprained my back again. And since the initial doctor just gave me one of those bullshit generic answers of "you need to lose weight". I decided to go to another doctor for a second opinion. Seriously, why would you tell someone who is actively losing weight to lose weight. That tells me you're either not listening or you're not paying attention. So I saw another doctor on Wednesday. But here's the creepy weird thing, my back pain had gone down a lot. Whereas the days before I felt like I could barely move, but on Tuesday as I started to get more active, the pain started to lessen. And when I woke up on Wednesday it had gone down considerably where I was able to jog for 15 minutes. So, okay now back to the doctor. This doctor was more in tune with me and while she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, she didn't tell me no half ass answer either.

She explained that yes I had sprained my back and yes I should continue to lose weight, but I also needed to learn healthy back management. She encouraged me to continue tightening up my core, but to also relearn how to sit, stand, sleep, walk,etc. She said proper posture is the key. If I'm slouching or slumped over then my back is out of alignment and eventually that'll cause wear and tear. And since I had a previous back injury, I needed to be more cautious. She also said that other doctor was wrong to tell me to take it easy for a few weeks because the longer I stayed stationary, the longer it would take my back to heal. She said I should keep my routine, but modify it. So that I'm no longer doing high intense cardio daily, but every other day or so. And to get back into yoga.

So here I am. Now doing yoga with a modified cardio routine. I've also picked up running. I'm doing the Couch to 5K program. I'm just so happy that I decided to seek a second opinion and coming out of my slump. As soon as I got home on Wednesday, I took my middle son and youngest to the park and ran around and played with them for my cardio workout. And I also did an hour workout yesterday. The days before when my back was really hurting, I just did some brisk walking.

But still I am baffled! I was totally expecting to gain weight, especially since I indulged myself on Thursday for my birthday. But goodness, to lose four pounds! I've stood on the scale several times this morning. It really is just quite shocking. And, it's quite annoying that the stupid picture comes in rotated wrong!

Gee Thanks

2009-03-31T11:43:00.000-05:00

I'm so upset and pissed right now. On Friday I hurt my back, so today I went in to see the doctor. "You need to lose weight". Um, really? Hmm, I hadn't thought of that. These past 6 weeks or so I've just been lounging on my ass, forget that I went to see you around 6 weeks ago to get my physical to make sure everything was okay for me to start a weight loss routine. I guess you didn't look close enough at your chart to see that I've lost 13.5lbs since you last saw me. So telling me I need to lose weight when I have been losing weight for the last several weeks just pisses me off. Yes, I realize that I'm no Halle Berry. And thank goodness I'm not! I love my curves and sexy hips. But that is neither here nor there. But the point is could you have at least LOOKED at my chart and NOTICED I've been working on losing weight and strengthening my core?

So whatever, I've got a back sprain AGAIN with sciatica. Which is not as cool as it sounds. So once again I've been told to lose weight and strengthen my core. Which I could have told myself and spent the copay on lunch. So now I've got to revamp my routine to less intense cardio program and more of a core strengthening routine. But until the back pain subsides I'm just going to walk and attempt to eat right.

Oh Back! Why Has Thou Forsaken Me?!

2009-03-30T20:45:00.000-05:00

On Friday afternoon, I slipped and fell in the rain. I thought I was just having some minor bruising. But, today my back is still in a lot of pain. So this week I am headed to the doctor to make sure I didn't sprain it again. So instead of doing my normal routine, I am just going to take it easy but continue to at least walk 30 minutes and eat right.

23 Days Left to Donate

2009-03-26T16:01:00.000-05:00

See now some of yall didn't hear me the first time. You know you want to donate. Your finger is just itching to type in your credit card number or write a check for the March of Dime to sponsor me. Come on...you can do it! I'm not asking you to walk the 5 miles with me...yes, 5 miles nonstop. Unless you really want to and of course I would love the company. Or you can just sit on your butt while I walk. So open up your wallets and give a $1, $5, or even 50 cents...okay, I don't think you can really only give 50 cents. But you can only give a dollar. And, every little bit helps. So come on and look to the right, scroll down a little until you see the adorable child encased in a purple frame, and click! You can do it!

FYI, if you donate more than $10 I'll send you the youtube link of me singing "I Believe The Children Are Our Future" I can't promise your ears will survive though :D

Ya'll Ain't Ready For This Jelly

2009-03-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

Cause my body's too bootylicious for you! Yep, I'm over here singing some Destiny's Child. Hush up you Bey haters, it's not about her, it's about ME!!! So today, I finally decided to see if I could squeeze my soon to be non existent Betty Crocker thighs into an old pair of capri pants. And to my amazement I was able to do it!!! Yeah!! I'm so excited! Goodbye size 14/15 pants and hello size 12/13 pants! See, I was so excited that I had the hubster take a picture of my ass. Yeah, I know what you're thinking..."Makita, we don't want to see your ass, but since you put it up there, it does look flipping fantastic!" I KNOW!!!! And, I'm not even an ass girl. My power lives in my beautiful hips. Notice you can even see my curves starting to become more prominent! I'm so proud of myself. I need to go ahead and keep it moving and not lose sight of the prize. Yeah, I really want to win the contest. But even if I don't, I'm just more than happy with my body! I'm so proud of me!

No Measurements Week of 3/20

2009-03-21T12:50:00.000-05:00

FYI...I wasn't able to take measurements for last week. Our family reunion kicked off the same day and I was swamped with getting my house ready. The only thing I remembered to do was weight myself. I didn't have time for the full measurements before I had to leave. But, next week I'll be back in gear!

Getting My Ass Back In Gear

2009-03-17T09:54:00.000-05:00

So last week was awesome!!! I lost 5 1/2lbs, but not so many inches. But the real defeat was kicking Ms. Thang's ass by working out twice a day so that she wouldn't get the best of me. And I did kick her ass too. But then what did I do this weekend? I got sloppy and ate a shit load of cookies and developed an addiction to tropical punch kool-aid. I know better, I know. But I swear I had no choice. I was an innocent maiden trying to gather lunch for my village folks and all of a sudden the damn kool-aid burst man pops up out of nowhere and starts pouring kool-aid down my throat and shoving cookies in their too! I kid you not. Check the newspaper! My story is listed in the "People Who Are Lying Through Their Teeth" section.

Okay, okay so I'm planning to do better. While I won't be working out twice a day every day this week, I'm still going to give it my all and really feel the burn. Now let me get moving and go have my daily chat with Billy.

Psst...Donations to sponsor me for March for Babies is still very much needed :)

Confused, but Satisfied...I Guess

2009-03-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

Okay so if you look to the right you'll see My Stats. Yeah for me! I lost 5.5lbs since last week. Great!!! But I don't understand how my body fat percentage didn't go down. My BMI went down a whole lot and now I am at the threshold of being out of the obese I category. So I'm super excited about that. But the body fat percentage is getting to me. I noticed I also didn't lose a lot of inches, but I wonder if that may be due in part to the slight bloating I got going on thanks to Ms.Thang. Hmm? I don't know. But I'm also super proud of myself because I worked out twice a day every day this week because I knew she was coming to visit and I was determined not to let her get the best of me. So ha ha, TAKE THAT Ms. Thang!!!

Oh and I forgot the most important thing! I am finally OUT of the 190s!!!! FINALLY!

Not Today Ms. Thang, Not Today!

2009-03-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

That's right chile! Not today! You think you are so slick, trying to creep up on me. Chile please! I wasn't born yesterday. I'm hip to your game and I know your name. Trying to psych me out with some weight gain. Heifer, I don't think so. Trying to lure me into temptation of a threesome with Otis Spunkmeyer and Ben and Jerry. You must think my name is boo boo the fool! But like I said not today Ms. Thang, not today! I've been dealing with your bitter ass since I was 11 years old. Mmm hmm, every 28 days. So I know what's up. I know the game you trying to play on me. But I got you this time. I bet you wasn't expecting me to not eat anything salty and workout twice a day so I can defeat your bloating techniques. And you just knew I was going to reach for my old friends Otis, Ben, and Jerry. But, ha ha you were wrong. I'm rolling with new friends now. Named Chiquita, Granny Smith, and some chick who just goes by Sun Maid. So stop hating! You are not bringing me down this month. Oh no, I am not having your bull this month. So come on bring it! I'm ready. Ready to knock you back on your ass! Hmmph! Trying to mess with me, you must be crazy!

March for Babies 2009

2009-03-09T11:48:00.000-05:00

Okay quick, everybody look to the right of their screen. Now scroll down a little bit. Keep strolling...STOP! See that cute little boy in the purple frame? Click it. Now wait for the page to load...step away from the computer...go grab your wallets...come sit back down...open your wallet...pull out your credit card...and click donate.

Great job! You've now sponsored me for March for Babies 09. A fundraising walk that funds research to fight premature births. Don't you feel so proud? I know I'm proud of you!

Wait...what? You can't afford to donate right now? Not even a dollar? Every one has a dollar! You can find that in between your sofa cushions and husband's dirty laundry because we all know men forget to empty their pockets before they put their clothes in the hamper (if they even manage to not to just leave their clothes on the floor next to the hamper). Come on, you know you want to. Yes, I'm totally resorting to guilting you :D Come on, it's for the babies

My Personal Trainer

2009-03-09T11:10:00.000-05:00

So who needs to hire a personal trainer when you have an almost 5 year old who will gladly whip your butt into shape? Correction whip your "big butt" into shape. There are few things in life I'm not open to trying. I think I'm pretty adventurous. Okay wait, here I am lying again. I'm not that adventurous. Just mildly adventurous as long as it doesn't involve needles, sex with strangers (or anyone who isn't my husband), bridges, and a bunch of other things listed on my "Oh Hell Naw" list. So anyway, one thing I am gladly adding to the list is taking my soon to be 5 but I really think he's going on 15 son into the dressing room with me. Last Tuesday, I got a call back for a job interview. No, no, don't get excited...the job blows. So, here I am on Tuesday looking for a suit for the interview. Since I'm not fond of leaving my children outside to fend for themselves against perverts and other losers I bring them into the dressing room with me. Now my 4 1/2 month old is just precious. He's sleeping his little heart out in the stroller. But my soon to be 5 year old? Nope. Wide awake and ready to make mommy feel good about her body. "Mommy, your butt is blocking my head in the mirror" "I don't think those pants fit they look like they are hurting" "I can't see cause your booty is taking up all the room" "How come you got all those lines on your stomach? They look like tiger stripes. Are you a tiger? Are you sure?" "Your booty looks like it's eating those pants" Gee thanks son! You make mommy so proud. And of course you made the lady is the next dressing room snort with laughter.

But oh it doesn't end there. Tuesday, I forgot to workout because I was so nervous about the interview on Wednesday. So Wednesday gets here and I go on my interview and yadda yadda yadda. I get back home and after talking with the hubster, I decide to go workout. I'm in the middle of my workout when my little terror, oops, I meant my soon to be 5 year old comes in and says "Hey! You didn't work out with Billy yesterday so you need to do extra today." I pretend not to hear him and keep working. So I finish the tape and start working on my abs when he starts yelling at me to "feel the burn" and to "push it" and my personal favorite "a minute of the chips is a lifetime on the hips". What made it worse it while I was doing my pushups he thought it appropriate to sit on my back! And wouldn't get off until I had counted out five. Who in the hell was this child? Surely, not my little guy? I ended up getting one hell of a workout thanks to him and his stubborn attitude. And to top it all off once we finished he said "great job mommy, you're doing great, but you're butt is still big." LOL, kids

FIRE!!!!!!

2009-03-02T13:33:00.000-06:00

Okay, so yes I know that one isn't supposed to yell "Fire!". Unless there is an actual fire. But, there are two things you should know. First, that rule applies to crowded places. Currently, it's only two of my boys and me at home. Secondly, this is my house so I can yell whatever I want, lol. So nana nana boo boo to you. ;-) Fire is exactly what I screamed out after doing my abs workout. It was so damn intense. And it was only 10 minutes long! I know! But me being a glutton for pain and really wanting to have super sexy abs, I'm going to do it again later today. As much as I hate working my abs, I absolutely love it at the same time.

Now of course I want those "drop dead gorgeous wear a stomach bearing shirt every day" abs, but my true motivation is just strengthening my core. The core is where all the magic happens so I need to keep it together. Plus, I don't want to mess around and get hurt again. Back in Fall of 2007, I sprained my lower back doing some questionable activities, lol. So my physical therapist explained it was all in part due to my weak core muscles. At the time, I had only 2 sons, but those two c-sections I had had weakened my core muscles. And, my back muscles were trying to compensate for that weak spot. So I ended up spraining my lower back and that shit was so not cool. It hurt like hell. So he taught me some exercises to strength my core and alleviate back pain.

So now that I have 3 boys, hence having had 3 c-sections now. It's best for me to start working on strengthening my core muscles again so I don't have any repeats of Fall '07. But damn if it doesn't burn. It literally felt like someone had lit a match and thrown it on top of my core muscles. I was feeling the burn!

So Billy...We Need to Talk

2009-02-28T20:14:00.000-06:00

What the hell man? What.The.Hell? Why are you trying to kill me? I signed up for a workout, not a damn "let's see how fast I can kill someone" deal. Really, that new Taebo DVD I got, yeah the Ultimate Taebo one is NOT the business. Within 10 minutes I was ready to fall out and just die. UGH! Kick, punch, lunge, punch, kick is not a good routine. I don't care what that peppy botoxed skank said. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. Ms. Botox Skank, the one with the pink tank top and the horrendous camel toe. Yeah her. She was getting on my last nerve. Jumping around like she does this crap in her sleep. Whatever.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. So you trying to kill me or what? Cause there are easier ways to get the job done. I personally prefer a death by chocolate. That's right. I'd love to go surrounded by Kit Kats, double fudge brownies, and Rocky Road ice cream. *shuddering* Wait, where was I? Aw hell, forget it. Let me just say stop trying to kill me Billy!

Sexyville Here I Come!!!

2009-02-27T09:41:00.000-06:00

Woot woot!!!I'm so proud of myself today!. I just finished weighing and measuring myself for this past week. Take a look to the right for My Stats update for today. I've lost 3lbs in weight, .12% in body fat, .69 in BMI, 2 inches off my waist, 1 inch off each of my thighs, and 1/4 inch off my hips!!! Woot woot!

I'm so damn happy because it was so not easy this week. I've had two cakes to bake with another to bake later today. And then tomorrow I've got a baby shower to go to and then afterward we are hanging out with my husband's friend and wife. So I just need to stay mindful and keep my eyes on the prize. If I continue to be good and not stress myself then I'll arrive at Sexyville in no time. I'm trying to stay level headed and not pack my bags too soon. Now I'm off to go reward my hard work with a round of Taebo.

Feeling The Burn...And Not The Kind From My Thighs Rubbing Together

2009-02-26T12:15:00.000-06:00

So this week I'm really feeling the burn! I've worked out every day and I'm so proud. It's only been a week, but I can already see a difference. While I'm sure I probably haven't lost any pounds, I'm quite positive I've lost a couple of inches around my belly. Yesterday, when I was getting dressed, I noticed my belt with around a little further than normal. SWEET!!!! At this rate, I'm going to look SUPER SEXY by the time my anniversary is here and the contest is over.

I found a workout partner yesterday. My friend and I are going to walk daily in the morning. And then afterward, I'm going to workout solo with my regular routines of either the aerobic ball or kickboxing. I love both exercise routines so it works out perfectly for me.

Tomorrow, I'll do my weekly weigh in and measurements to see how far I've come. Although, I'm tired as hell in the mornings because of the late nights with Patrick. I like working out because while my thighs are burning, I still feel pumped the rest of the day. Finally, I'm feeling the burn and not because my thighs are rubbing together, lol.

Biggest Loser, Billy Blanks, and Big Breasts

2009-02-20T12:58:00.000-06:00

So today is the kick off day for DAM's Biggest Loser contest. This morning I weighed myself and took my measurements. Funny, how I've lost inches (except around my belly) while I was pregnant. I guess that crappy ass pregnancy workout DVD I bought paid off. So I think I'm off to good a start. Just slightly under 200lbs. Yeah, 198lbs. Normally, I'd be ashamed, but eh...whatever. It's only temporary. My ideal weight is in the 140s, but since I'm not willing to starve myself and live at the gym, somewhere in the 160s. So I'm pumped. All the ladies are wishing one another good luck. I hope we all meet our goals. Because in the end we're all winners for just getting out there and saying goodbye to fat.

I did my morning routine of yoga once I got up to help rejuvenate myself after a long night of "wah...I don't want to sleep in my crib...wah...I want you to hold me all night long...wah wah wah." Okay, so Patrick can't talk, but if he could that's exactly what he would say. So after yoga I took my measurements and weight. And then went and ate a nutritiously delicious breakfast of eggs and toast with a glass of orange juice. Then I took my son, Sean, to ride his bike while I jogged along with Patrick in his stroller. Okay...I'm lying, I didn't joke. I walked along. But, it was a brisk walk. So there.

So I'm off to a good start and decided to go old school and broke out my 1998 Taebo VHS tapes. That's right, I said Taebo V H S. Stop hating. Billy worked my ass. My thighs are still feeling the burn. But that's okay because Billy makes it all better. I love how concerned he is with all his little commentary. "How you doing? You feeling alright? Just take your time. I believe in you." Ha ha ha. Billy is classic. I love Billy, but Billy doesn't love us big breasted girls. Seriously, all that jumping around and "double time" reeks havoc on my girls. Not cool, Billy. Not cool. I hate to break it to you brother, but not all of us are like Sandy (the annoyingly cheerful bottle blond standing behind you to the left). We have breasts. And they hurt when they're flapped around. Yeah, yeah, I know...get a good sports bra. Like I haven't already thought of that. Do you not realize how hard it is to find a good sports bra when your breasts are bigger than some small dogs? Oh wait, you don't know Billy because you're a GUY! I digress. You keep me motivated with your workouts and I'll work on strapping down the girls.

Plain and Simple: I'm a Fat Ass

2009-02-19T20:51:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I'm a fat ass. I mean, really, who am I kidding? I know it. So why am I continuing to live this lie that I keep telling myself. I know that I have weight issues. Every year I keep telling myself that I'm going to do something about my weight. That I'm going to get off my lazy ass and start working out. And every year I do get off my lazy ass and start working out. I even manage to knock off a couple of pounds, lose a couple of inches, and squeeze my Betty Crocker thighs into a pair of old jeans. Nice! So what the fuck?! Why can't I keep this weight off? Why can't I keep up with my weight loss and manage it? I'll tell you why. It's because I fucking suck. I give up so easily. I have one bad day and I let it snowball into a bad week, then a bad month, and then I just say fuck it and stop working out and call up my old friends Betty, Duncan, and Little Debbie. And it irritates me. I know I can do better. I know I want to do better. But argh, I never do.

Now before anyone points out that I just had a baby 4 months ago, yeah I'm aware of that. I know there is supposed to be left over weight. Trust me, that is duly noted. But I'm not talking about that weight. I'm talking about the belly fat caused by Slurpees and hot dogs, not a placenta and an actual baby. The Betty Crocker thighs, Dunkin Donuts belly, and ogre like arms are all a cause of my poor ass eating habits. This is me taking responsibility for it. I'm not denying it. Because as I said earlier, I'm not kidding anyone. Yeah, I look fucking drop dead gorgeous with clothes on, but I want to be super sexy naked. So hot that my husband is late for work every morning because he's trying to get some early morning action because he's so distracted with my beautiful body. Now of course he already thinks I'm the hottest thing walking around. But blah blah blah, that's nice. But that's not how I feel.

Soooooooooooooo, here we go again. Makita on her journey to losing weight. But this time there's a twist. I've joined a local Biggest Loser contest. Yeah baby that's right. I'm fixed to attempt to lose weight all for a contest. Whatever it takes, right? I'm actually really excited and hope I win. So I'm going to give it my all. The contest starts tomorrow and ends in May. So how am I going to do it? I'm going back to kickboxing. I'm also attempting to change my diet. I'm saying attempting because we all know Ms. Makita loves french fries. Plus, whenever I get on this whole "I'm only going to eat healthy" stuff, it never works out because I get too caught up on trying not to make a mistake. So I'm just going to go with the flow and not beat myself up. The plan is to have fun while losing weight and hopefully win the money.

So here we go again. Makita's attempt to lose weight while hoping to win the money through kickboxing. We'll see how it goes. Tomorrow, I'll post my new weight and measurements.

FYI, for those of you wondering. Since we had a baby last year, we didn't go to St. Lucia. But if this contest works out for me and I lose weight, I'll look great by the time summer rolls around. Let's hope for the best people.

I'm Not Pregnant Anymore!!!!

2007-12-10T16:40:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I was never pregnant. But a few months ago this kid told me "My mom is having a baby, are you having a baby too?" Can you imagine how fucking horrible it is to have a 5 year old ask you if you are pregnant?!!! It was so not cool. Of course, he didn't know any better. But still, that's rough. So I have to admit, my pooch was starting to look like a baby was growing int there (thank goodness there wasn't). I needed to get my ass in gear and I have!!! I'm doing really well. My belly no longer looks like its got another little munchkin in there. Its still not where it needs to be, but hey, as long as I don't look like it time to start planning the baby shower I'm good.

Today, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I threw up after class a few times. I was getting my workout a little too intense. I had never taken a class with this instructor today. I don't know if I'll be able to do another class with her. But I'm not giving up. She pushed us to the edge. I just need to step back and maintain what I can do. I feel kind of crappy now though because of the intense workout.

I've restarted my No Fast Food Challenge today. I was really bad over the weekend. I ate pizza everyday. I know, I know. Makita, you've been doing so damn well. Well, not to make excuses, but I fell briefly back into the cycle after hearing about the death of a really close friend. So...I'm just going to skip over what happened and act like it never did. I think that is why I pushed myself so hard in class today. Well, I definitely learned my lesson.

I Want a Divorce!!!!

2007-12-06T15:59:00.000-06:00

So today the hubster and I were talking and I started telling him about this book I've been reading that my KB instructor recommended. So I was telling him I haven't lost weight, but I've lost body fat. So I get this idea to calculate his body fat. Turned out that wasn't the brightest idea. He has less than 9% body fat! WHAT THE HELL!!!! Of course, I know men and women differ. But, come on now! Less than 9%!!! That's crazy. However I do see how it's possible. Everyone always jokes about him being small. But he's very athletic and lean. His body fat percentage is considered equal to that of a professional athlete by the U.S. Navy. Here I am with almost 4 times the body fat he has. That's okay. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get that super, sexy body that's right for me. I'm still shocked though. Unbelievable.

So, I've also started reading "YOU On A Diet: The Owner's Guide to Waist Management" by Dr. Oz and Dr. Rozem (yes, the Oprah guys). I am really loving it. It's a fun, easy read I like the fact they understand not everyone is meant to be a size negative Paris Hilton. We all have different body shapes and structures. Come on, if you look at me its very hard to believe my weight. So I'm recommending this book. It also has a 14 day plan at the end of the book, but I'm not there yet. When I get there, I'll keep you posted.

A New Approach, Same Method

2007-12-03T10:35:00.000-06:00

Alright, so this morning I weighed myself and almost burst into tears. I've gained weight!!!! What the fudge monkey balls? So I headed on into kickboxing class, which was a real treat because I never get the chance to go on Mondays. So anyway, I was in a bit of a funk, but class got me back up to speed. The last two classes have been more of a boot camp with strength training and muscle conditioning that kickboxing. I thought I was going to die at first, but now I'm getting the hang of it. So after class I went to talk with the instructor about what's going on with my body. How can I be gaining weight when I'm doing the right stuff to tone it up. Well, to my surprise, although I think I knew this somewhere in the back of my head, I'm gaining muscle. Since I've lost a little off my waist and so much body fat I'm making progress. He says I need to kick the scale like a bad habit and pay attention to inches and body fay percentage. If I keep looking at the scale, I'm going to get discouraged. So yeah for me for knocking off body fat.

If you've been keeping up with my weight loss status then you'll notice I changed the "My Stats" format and added an "Overall Goal" section. Also, the measurements have fluctuated a bit after looking at my written journal. Some of the measurements were off. So now I'll be measuring my bust, waist, hips, and thighs. I love my hips and thighs though, but what I wouldn't give to get rid of these breasts. I know it is going to take a lot of upper body work to help this area. I would like to at least go down one band size. Just one, I'm not asking for all of it to go. I know the hubster wouldn't be happy with that one, lol. But yeah...I'm still hyped and focused!!!!

Ass Kicking Gloves Kicking Breast Cancer's Ass!

2007-11-28T16:57:00.000-06:00

I got my kickboxing gloves yesterday!!!! I am so in love with them. Even though I am not a pink wearing kind of girl, I got pink to support breast cancer research. They even came with a cute little key chain. Best of all 10% of the sale went to the Susan G. Komen foundation. I am all about finding a cure fore breast cancer. And, if I can help support the cure while kicking this fat off my body then I'm all for it. Cancer, of any kind, sucks. I mean really sucks. If I had a wish, I'd wish for cancer to be nonexistent. Okay, I'm lying. I'd wish to be a billionaire. BUT, I would give countless dollars to fund the research. Cancer has touched my family and the people I love one too many times and I am not happy about it.

So anyway, I've got my gloves and went back to class yesterday as well. Last week we were out of town for Thanksgiving. Yeah...about Thanksgiving. I'll only tell you once. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. So moving forward, today I did step aerobics and I did it with my gloves on. Talk about a challenge. I was throwing hooks and jabs instead of the normal arm routine that goes with the step program. I also did some ab exercises that the Navy Seals do. Now, I know why they have them sexy ass bodies. That crap is HARD!!!!! If I can find them online then I'll post them so others can suffer along with me. St. Lucia is calling me baby!

I Think I Can...I Think I Can

2007-11-19T10:45:00.000-06:00

Wait...I know I can. I can kick the monkey's ass before he has a chance to climb on my back this Thanksgiving. I can keep it together. I can continue my workout. I can do it. I can not eat a whole pie and half a pan of macaroni and cheese (the good kind too that is baked in the oven...mmmm). I can do it, I just have to stay focused. I have to remember that I am working towards St. Lucia. St. Lucia is so much more important than some candied yams and chocolate cake. I can do it. I know I can. I won't give in. If I give in then Ducan and Otis will be begging me to take them back. I can't. I can't go back to a relationship where all I was dependent on them. I need my independence. I can do it. I've got a plan. I'm going to stick to the plan. I won't care about hurting so and so feelings because I won't try their food. I'll fake a headache. Too bad, my friend already came and went otherwise I'd fake cramps. But wait...they don't know that. Maybe I can use that one. I'll coat my nose with olive oil so it'll fend off all the wonderful smells. I can do it. I have to do it. St. Lucia, I love you, keep me strong.

Dammit Hot Monkey Balls!!!

2007-11-19T10:44:00.000-06:00

I am so peeved that it cost me $100 to fill up my tank. Son of a monkey ball dragon! Okay, so yes I drive a suburban, but this is insane. It used to only cost me $60-$70 and that was just last year. What the hell? I usually don't complain about the cost of gas, I have so much more stuff to complain about. But this is crazy. Yeah, I could get another car to cut down on gas but I don't want to. I love Big Blue. Yes, I've named my car. Stop hating. Blue is the best, haven't figured out the gender yet. I can pack my whole life into Blue. My boys can sit on opposite sides of the car and I don't have to turn around screaming at them to stop fighting every five minutes. The hubster has made Blue real nice to make long drives very comfortable. I don't want to lose Blue, I NEED Blue. We are one. And, besides who doesn't love a surbuban? Can you say your car was in Transformers? I think not. Okay, so Blue wasn't exactly in Transformers but it's family members were. Man, that is like the best movie ever....except for Purple Rain. Nobody can touch Prince. I've seen this movie like a million times and still get thrilled by it. BEST MOVIE EVER! And, if you don't think so...go suck an egg.